You are here: Home > Message Boards > Relationships > Womens Issues >tough position

Relationships Discussion Forum

Joint Family

Single Parenting

Working Mother

Articles

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Womens Issues:tough position

2006-11-10

Name: Arushi Hello,

I had my in-laws come visit us for 6 months. they left for india this past monday. my husband is so torn that earlier this week he had crying spells. for days now all he keeps doing is think and talk about his house back home, his parents and wanting to go back to india. i don't know how to get him back to normal mental state. i know that it will take time, but if he doesn't think or talk about something else, how will he ever get out. i feel terrible seeing him like that. what should i do. i feel helpless. his parents have been emotionally blackmailing him all the 6 months, which is why he is in such a state. how do i get him out of it. i know it's difficult to be away from family, but still.

please help

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously

2006-11-11

Name: Priya
Subject:

Ur Words
\" it is nice to have everyone around. but there are other ways a person can grow being away. physically away doesn't always mean emotionally away\"

was very nice and comforting.Thank U.

As U said now its our duty to keep the family happy were ever we R.

2006-11-11

Name: Priya
Subject:

My situation is total opposite of urs.

My parents keep on telling we miss u a lot.And please come to india and settle.
Its really painful.I also miss them.

But they don't understand that decision is not in my hands.

My husband is caring and affectionate.But he wishes to b here for atleast 6 years.And his parents also like that decision only.

2006-11-11

Name: Arushi
Subject:

I can understand

I see both sides, so i do understand how difficult it is. for my husband, i have told him and he knows that we can move back anytime he wants and it really is his decision as to if and when.
my parents are here in usa, so i'll be at the other end when we go back. but what my parents tell me is -- now that you are married and independent, you have to do what's best for your family not us. no matter where we are we'll always see each other every now and then and be in touch. so it just helps me.
the way i think about it is, need be, I just want and will visit family be it my husband's or mine. So if someone is not doing well, i'll be on a flight to visit them. even if i lived close to my parents, i am not aroudn them every minute, so it's just life. and it is difficult -- that you grow up with one family and then you spend your adult life with another. boys/men normally don't have to do that. so for me, i am just indifferent as to who and what i am close to as long as everyone is well and happy.
i have moved almost every 10 years of my life and that i believe has helped me learn how to adjust and be away from people that i love. it's difficlut but what can i do. It has never been my decision to move. it is always someone else's. parents, husband, in-laws, maybe kids later. just as long as they are happy.
i will say one thing though, it is nice to have everyone around. but there are other ways a person can grow being away. physically away doesn't always mean emotionally away.
just take comfort in the fact that your parents are well and happy.

2006-11-11

Name: di bh
Subject:

Be indifferent.

Hey i am also in same situation.Only difference is my in laws do this on phone and my husband is convinced. My Sil is in India and my bil too. So its not right that my husband stays here while my in laws darling daughter is in India . So they emotionally blackmail my husband. I have learnt to ignore it . See if we try to talk to them husbands treat us as enemies and in laws as good people. So no use doing that. Be indifferent is the best mantra. i am doing it for 4 yrs you can also try it.Its always a month after my in laws call and talk to my husband at length.These outbursts occur.After a month he is back to normal self. So dont worry. Its a common thing.you will learn new ways to tackle it after 2-3 times.Best of luck.

2006-11-11

Name: Arushi
Subject:

thanks di bh

Hi di bh,

Thanks. i am trying to be indifferent, but it is so hard. they play with his emotions like -- we'll die any day now, no one is there to take care of us. your sister (married happliy with 2 kids) in india and you here. just come back. can't live without you. goes on and on...makes me sick. can't an adult have their own life. i know there are duties towards parents and i am all for taking care of the family, but just to entertain them becase they are retired? i know even moving back won't satisfy them, they'll want to hold his hand every minute he's around. i hate it when they try to act emotional and sweet, when all they are doing is hurting their son and putting him in a tough spot.

this is the 3rd time they had been here. the like the life here, they don't have to do anything, everything is nice and clean and then they play the emotional game.

i need serious help. i am losing my mind.

2006-11-10

Name: neetu
Subject:

all the best

Hi Arushi,
wats this your husband is not a kid anymore,he can think what is good for him.but its only u who can convince him if you want to stay the place u 're living in right now,so its all on u! share with him the positive and negatives of his step taken.
all the best.

All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
tough position

Subscribe to this conversation! All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
tough position

Thanks for subscribing

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Expecting Parents

Routine Tests

Health Concerns

Diet and Exercise

Weight

Sex

Miscarriage and Child Loss

Parents of Babies

Sleeping

Crying & Colic

Feeding

Articles

Breastfeeding

Last 7 Posts of this Board

RE:is it a good idea

There is no harm to make life exciting. There should be some spices. I have done threesomes with three couples and they are enjoying with more fun. So you should try it. My tg- hp2609. You can reach me... - Striker [View Message]

RE:Santhoshi mata's vrat.

Can I skip Santoshi mata fast for once this Friday? As its impossible in every condition to keep the fast as i am going to a remote place where such things can't be maintained? I've done more than 16 fasts with my pure heart. Will God forgive me if I skip this fast? Please reply fast. Its very urgent.... - Avika [View Message]

RE:Genuine Question

well priya its only natural to feel this attraction and lonliness. nothing wrong in it , only thing if any affair has to happen it will happen , if not , it will never happen. ... - rahul [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

I don't think would work. It would make one have garlic breath which could be a turnoff. I strongly feel that this is the time in their life to put down Kama sutra and take up some Yoga Sutra and religious books. Maybe she becomes like him too. More spiritual.... - Kim [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

Sm prolem here..what shoud i do..my huby dont listen anything... - Bindu [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

It really works??... - Divya [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

I am agree with u... - Ria [View Message]

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

FEATURED ARTICLES
- Poor Immunity in Kids
- Five Fun Ways to Break Fussy Eating Habits in Kids
- Top 5 Easy-to-Make Ice-Candy Recipes for Kids
- Tips for Preventing Pinworms in Children
- Signs that a Child is Anaemic
- Things You Should Never Allow Your Son to Do
- Home Remedies for Cold in Children
- Reasons Why Kids May Start Disrespecting Parents
- Indian Baby Names
- Indian Baby Girl Names
- Indian Baby Boy Names
- Top 100 Hindu Baby Names
- Free Printable Coloring Pages for Kids and Adults