Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i'm married for 2 years now.mine was a complete arranged marriage. immediately after marriage i got to know that my husband & inlaws had lied a lot to me abt so many important things including is education & degree.i'm a very highly qualified girl & i was very hurt by this.i come from a much better family than theirs in every which way.inspite of this my inlaws always emotionally tortured me & were always saying that i'm very lucky to have married their son.they treated me like a durt & i lost my self respect after my marriage. that brought some distance for me with my husband initially after marriage.since i was raised with lots of values & come from a conservative family i adjusted with all these & i gave myself completely to my husband.i really loved & i have always been loyal to him.though i was hurt with all these things,i didnt even mention it to anyone from my family as i didnt want to bring down their respect. now my problem is i was a very cheerful & an extrovert girl before marriage & now i've become so silent & depressed because of all these.my husband is very boring.he is always under stress,doesnt sleep well,keeps on cribbing abt something or the other.i wanted a jolly person to be my husband,but he's quite opposite to that.i've been adjusting & trying to love him as the way he is,but now i'm loosing my patience & this is getting on to my nerves.i'm tired of the boring life i'm leading.my hubby is basically a nice guy,but he doesnt know how to be happy.i value marriage a lot,so i dont want to cheat him any which way,but at the same time i'm not able to stand him anymore also.and moreover when it comes to talking about his family,i should be so careful,he takes out a wrong meaning of what ever i say about his folks.i'm tired of leading this false life.i have no idea what to do & how to improve this.i dont want my kids to have a boring dad too.plzzzzzz help me with my problem.suggest me about how can i improve my family life.any of ur advices will be really appreciated.thank u all in advance Jyoti replied. It's tough that you and Sweety have found out that your marriage was based on lies. That is not right. Your husbands, should realize that and feel ashamed about it. so here's what i would do.

find out that what you thought at the time of marriage isn't true -- make sure your husband knows that it has hurt your feelings. if they don't pick up on your signals, say it verbally, just state it bluntly to him.

try to move your focus from your husband to yourself. if you feel like you are not who you used to be and don't like your present self, then you need to change that. although, people change over time, one must be content with who they are. So if you don't like you quiet and gloomy self, change that. go out with friends. do things that you enjoy. work is alway good, to boost your self-confidence. a hobby is also helpful. just do things that you enjoy. if it is helping your neighbor, do that. whatever it is. reading, manicure, singing, going to the gym.

try to find things that you and your husband both can enjoy. if you husband is always busy, tell him to make time, an hour a week? is that too much? watching a movie. going for a bike ride. anything that the two of you can enjoy. this will get him into doing more recreational thing. also, this will increase the quality time you spend with each other. sleeping, eating, paying bills, working, house chores bring the dullness in life. but it will take your creativity to make your life more colorful. if it is cooking, maybe you trying getting your hubby involved.

first you be happy, then the husband will follow. don't just sit thiking he is boring. if you are bored, do something. tell him i am bored, i want to go out to a movie. if you can't come, i'm going shopping. when he sees that you are not going to just sit around, he'll either join you or you can enjoy yourself. slowly, he'll realize and you are not depending on him for much, so he'll start joining you.

wish you all the best. be happy. Sweety replied. Hi,
I am also upset like u only. i was also raised with lots of values & come from a conservative family.
But after coming to US only I came to know that my husband has, drinking habit,smoking habit and recently i came to know that he had sex before marrigae.
We can't tell all these to our parents also. Its really painfull only. Now also to make the day happier i only talk .
PLease don't lose patience .try to make life interseting.Develop positive thoughts.
Vn i came to know abt my husbands sex life i couldn't do anything for one week.My heart was full of pain and no strength in body also.
Just think of the positive things in ur husband try to admire it.
This is how i came to normal mind set.