Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi

i am married for 9 years and had a pregnancy after 7 years of marriage. i have 9 months old twins. i was advised bed rest from 3rd month of pregnancy, and since we were staying sperately fm my inlaws and they did not want to take any responsiblity of looking after me, my hubby had no choice and i was packed off to my parents house where i stayed for the next 1 year.
I was working at a good position in a good co. which i had to give up.
when my babies became 4.5 mths old...i decided that i cannot continue staying at my parents place for ever and hence i needed to get back to my hubby's town. since it was not possible for my hubby to look after wife and 2 kids on his single salary, i looked out for a job and got one with a salary better than my hubby. since i could not have looked after my infants and still manage a full time job, I suggested that we go and stay with my inlaws (they stay in the same city and have really given me a tough time in the past, and thats why we had bought a different house few years ago, but for my kids' sake i am ready to bear with them. my inlaws agreed to have us though not willingly, bcos their own relatives would have bad mouthed them if they didnt agree to look after grand children. its 5 months now and i am unable to bear my inlaws anymore. i have kept 2 maids for cooking and house work and 2 maids for 12 hrs for babies' work and they do all the work around the house...my MIL just sits the whole day and gossips on phone with friends and relatives...doesnt even overlook what the maids do. My FIL doesnt spend anytime at home and is out most of the time...doing what god alone knows (he is retired)...if any of the maids doesnt come someday....my inlaws create such a ruccous about how much work they have to do and if something happens to either of them bcos of this, they will never forgive us or our children, etc...etc... my MIL is a complete no brainer and doesnt know basic hygiene to be maintained with children around....she even feeds them stuff at times which are absoulte no-no for babies. she will not listen to me bcos one doesnt listen to a DIL...i feel so sorry for myself and my kids at times...but i have no choice...i cant quit my work to look after the kids as my husband's salary is not enough.
my hubby is quite caring about the kids otherwise...but he always points my mistakes and that his parents are always correct, and it is quite impossible that his mom can do anything wrong. he is been given an impression that his mom gets totally tired end of each day looking after 2 kids. he will never try to understand me or see things from my perspective. lot of things have changed for us during the one year i stayed at my mom's place. my hubby used to stay on and off at his parents place and at our flat. now he stays away from me, he seems to have lost all interst in me...he spends all his time at home with babies and when babies are asleep, he will either do his office work or watch tv or chat with his parents before he goes to sleep. we have been staying together again for 5 months now post my delivery....and we have not shared even one intimate moment or absolutely no physical relationship. When i tried asking him why he was not keen...he says where do u think we have time for \";that\"; with 2 kids around. i tried to take initiative no of times when we had some time on hand for us...but he is always indifferent. I have started thinking if he started having a relationship with someone else during the time i was away or would his preferences have changed? or i have become unattractive to him due to my excessive pregnancy flab?
I desperately want to save our marriage, my inlaws are causing me a lot of stress and my husband will not support me physically or emotionally. I cant even move out of my inlaws place, bcos i will have to quit my work and look after my kids 100%. i cannot afford maids on my husband's salary alone...we may just be able to manage a month on that money.
I have couple of male friends who have shown lot of interest in me for some years now...suddenly i have started feeling drawn to them... i dont know what to do....i have no one to talk about this...whom i can confide and ask for advice...
i am confused and stuck in this horrendous situation.
someone pl. advice me......:(:(:( Swathy replied. Its normal. After delivery I too had a same issue which u have. Inlaws r Inlaws.

1. Be wise.
2. Dont make any argument with them even if they create any problem or blame u for no reason.
3. Dont complain abt ur inlaws with ur hubby. All guys 'll be sick when they hear complaints abt their parents.
4. Spend worthy time with ur kids.
5. Take good care of ur hubby ( thou u r working I agree) like helping regular house wife does. Try to spend time to cook his favorte food ( thou u have cook at home). Replace his socks regularly, p[olish his shoe, Pack his lunch box and give it to his hand when he is ghoing to office. etc... try to make him feel \" how gr8 my wife is \" being working & taking care of everything..after a while he 'll start
To help u also :)

6. Keep getting a good gift to ur inlaws when u have any festival.

7. Take good care of ur \" TWINS \" .

I dont think so u'll find time for thinking sad also . I know u r busy like getting up, take care of ur twns, get ready to oofiice, Office worfk, come back, spend time with ur kids, Have food ...now u r exhausted !!! go and have nice talk with ur huubby & sleep ...

Always be Positive ... Dont talk rubbissh blaming this that , which spoils everyone's mood...

Be Happyyyyyyyyyy Alll the best !!!
Vicky_K replied. Its the same story everywhere. But its highly appreciating that you wish to save your married life & not looking for excuses to curb it. What I feel that woking women always wanna stand up & proove every thing, But wise men say Be a silent audience even in the wildest storms. You may not be ableto fight the storm but find your way thru.

If you earn higher than him it gives a male ego a complex which comes out as a firm & 'ziddi' argument He is never willing to give up. This is your marriage. you cant fight & prove him But give up & make him realise what he does.

I see only one solution to this compromise & bit & make your hubby feel more successful & anly than he is. Celebrate his success & ignore yours (for time being ) I know he loves you but he cannot show itdue to some ego coatings. Plz Help him save your married life.

-- Vicky'
\" Take it or Leave it, but dont Blame it. IT's the Fact\" Ritika replied. How about putting your kids in day care? If keeping your kids with in laws is not really working out since they are not looking after them, why not consider this option?

This way you can keep your job, and your kids will be looked after.

All the best...