Womens Issues:i'm very hurt,plz help me.jealous relatives
2006-10-26
Name: sowmya
hi all,
i live in US.i recently went to India for the visit.myself & my hubby went together.he stayed there for 1 month,but i stayed back for an other month.since this was my 1st visit to India after coming to US,i was so excited.but all my excitement faded away as soon as i went there.my relatives i,e my dad's sisters & their children(my cousins) are so jealous of me.they were really mean & said very hurtful things to me.especially the way they used to look at me wid those jealous eyes were torturing me.they not only were rude & said hurtful things to me,but they also started wishing bad things to me & my family.i know they are not Gods & whatever they say will not come true.but as a girl,i'm very sensitive & all these scary things are haunting me day & night.i came back to US 4 months back,but this mental torture whatever i'm going through still hasnt stopped.they are very mean people since my childhood,but after getting married their jealousy was boundless.they have always wished & hoped bad things at every stage in my life.now its become so much that i'm loosing confidence in myself & even in God.i've started believing in whatever they have said.i remain scared all the time thinking if it all comes true.this is spoiling my happiness & also my relationship wid my husband as i'm not focussing on my family.i'm very sensitive & a very polite girl.i've never fought or back answered anybody in my life.so even when they were saying hurtful things to me i remained quite & took everything without saying anything to them.i dont have my mother.lost her at a very young age.so i have no one to understand me & console me.that is why i'm here.so can u all plz help me how to overcome this mental trauma whatever i'm going through..can u also plz suggest how to handle my relatives?should i back answer them or just remain silent? if i back answer them will it aggrevate their hatred even more.plz advice me.sorry for the long mail.it may look a small problem to u all,but its a major thing for me.i have lost my happiness & peace of mind since then.plz help.thanks
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hi all,
i live in US.i recently went to India for the visit.myself & my hubby went together.he stayed there for 1 month,but i stayed back for an other month.since this was my 1st visit to India after coming to US,i was so excited.but all my excitement faded away as soon as i went there.my relatives i,e my dad's sisters & their children(my cousins) are so jealous of me.they were really mean & said very hurtful things to me.especially the way they used to look at me wid those jealous eyes were torturing me.they not only were rude & said hurtful things to me,but they also started wishing bad things to me & my family.i know they are not Gods & whatever they say will not come true.but as a girl,i'm very sensitive & all these scary things are haunting me day & night.i came back to US 4 months back,but this mental torture whatever i'm going through still hasnt stopped.they are very mean people since my childhood,but after getting married their jealousy was boundless.they have always wished & hoped bad things at every stage in my life.now its become so much that i'm loosing confidence in myself & even in God.i've started believing in whatever they have said.i remain scared all the time thinking if it all comes true.this is spoiling my happiness & also my relationship wid my husband as i'm not focussing on my family.i'm very sensitive & a very polite girl.i've never fought or back answered anybody in my life.so even when they were saying hurtful things to me i remained quite & took everything without saying anything to them.i dont have my mother.lost her at a very young age.so i have no one to understand me & console me.that is why i'm here.so can u all plz help me how to overcome this mental trauma whatever i'm going through..can u also plz suggest how to handle my relatives?should i back answer them or just remain silent? if i back answer them will it aggrevate their hatred even more.plz advice me.sorry for the long mail.it may look a small problem to u all,but its a major thing for me.i have lost my happiness & peace of mind since then.plz help.thanks
Nav replied. Hi Sowmya,
Your mental agony call be understood only by person/s who have faced such a situation with their close relatives, I very much agree with you,unfortunately in India our soo called close relatives are ones who are extremely jealous, that could be for a basic reason that they are neither competent or lucky in life to achive a good social status. You should simply ignore them and give it back. as you have explained you are a sweet natured person, you should muster guts to reply back in the same tone. Defnitely they are not an option for a emotional fall back soo why care for such people. just flaunt your status and don't care a dime. Those feelings you have go about their jealousy will get you bad luck to you doesn't hold any importance, only GOD will decide every human beings luck, soo go ahead and enjoy your life,keep faith in GOD and if you think your relatives should be condemned go ahead and give it to them! be happy always!
Cheers!!
Nav
yeah replied. More than perfect reply from Sunita. Well Done Gal!
To add my contribution:
Sowmya,
Does your dad know that your cousins mean no good to you?.If I am not mistaken then the problem lies there...Are you in a situation where you have to constantly mingle /talk or even hear about them?...If the answer is yes then dissolve that situation...
There are women who complain about their inlaws or husband or even parents because they people play a major rol in life...cousins or uncles or aunties are literally nothing in life.
Liek Sunita has wellsaid , take it as a complimnet in life & avoid those people totally.It is good for you & your family.
yeah replied. More than perfect reply from Sunita. Well Done Gal!
To add my contribution:
Sowmya,
Does your dad know that your cousins mean no good to you?.If I am not mistaken then the problem lies there...Are you in a situation where you have to constantly mingle /talk or even hear about them?...If the answer is yes then dissolve that situation...
There are women who complain about their inlaws or husband or even parents because they people play a major rol in life...cousins or uncles or aunties are literally nothing in life.
Liek Sunita has wellsaid , take it as a complimnet in life & avoid those people totally.It is good for you & your family.
Ritika replied. Hi Sowmya,
Somebody who has been mean to you since childhood...has always been jealous of you...has always wished & hoped bad things (as you have said in your mail)...is never going to become nice to you..at least not in the forseeable future.
You can either keep waiting for them to change their behavior (which seems most unlikely) or as Sunita said below - just ignore them...after all you dont have to deal with them on a daily basis. Don't have any contact with them at all. When you go to India, you don't have to o meet them even if you dont want to.
Bad things happen to people when they do bad things to other. When people are just jealous of you and wish bad for you, it DOES NOT happen. GOD is NOT THAT stupid or unfair. So stop being so superstitous.
By neglecting your family and husband, you are the only one who is doing anything to affect your marriage and life.
Being sensitive and polite is great. But not defending yourself against verbal abuse is also not correct.
I would say - most of your problems are arising because you have kept everything inside you for so long...have never answered them back..that it is all festering inside you..the next time any one says anything to you, answer back and if they start attcking you even more, tell hem firmly that you do not wish to talk to somebody like them and then keep the phone down.
Try it, you will feel a little better. Have some spirit girl! Backing down from small challenges is not how you should live your life. Face your enemies bravely and give it back to them. Don't be scared that your back answering them will increase their hatred. After all they are already mean to you..Its time you start defending yourself and stop being so scared of any and everything.
I'm sorry about your mom...do you have any girl friends...maybe you can talk to one of them and vent out...that will also help.
take care,
Ritika
anika replied. Hi Sowmya,
I am also same situation like you, i don't have any close relatives other than my husband.i also lost my mom, so no one is ther to share my feelings.even though i have sibling, it doesn't matter, they are all after our money.jealousy?..i can understand how it hurts..people whom we helped they also get jealousy about us.there is nothing we can do to change them.i have few suggestions for you:
1.when ever the thought comes aboout them just ignore it.don't let thoughts come to you.you can take some part time job to spend time, unnessary thought comes b'coz there is nothing to do.
2.have a baby, so you feel someone is there who you will love, who can never be jealousy about you.
3.keep distance, you don't have to talk to you relatives much.just act like they are non existant.
Normally, fathers side, husbands side relatives are jealousy about you.there is nothing we can do other than finding alternative to do ourself better.
Sunita replied. Hi Sowmya,
I read your message. It is clear enough that you are a sensitive rather very sensitive person. Being sensitive is good but it is not a virtue in today's indifferent and materialistic world.
I'll give you a simple example to solve your problem. Say you see a beggar on the street hungry, asking for money what emotion comes naturally to your heart? Answer is \" PITY\" .
Now say you meet a gorgeous girl who has all the comforts of the world and assets you crave for and you start feeling \" jealous\" of her. So which is better to be \" jealoused\" or \" pitied\" .
Obviously \" jealoused\"
Jealusy is a compliment. When people (who dont love you) wish to be in your shoes and are not happy with their life they feel jealous and then they express their irritation.
Enjoy what God has given and live happily with your husband. Best way to deal with such people is ignore them.
Take care
2006-10-26
#1
Name: Nav Subject: im very hurt,plz help me.jealous relatives
Hi Sowmya,
Your mental agony call be understood only by person/s who have faced such a situation with their close relatives, I very much agree with you,unfortunately in India our soo called close relatives are ones who are extremely jealous, that could be for a basic reason that they are neither competent or lucky in life to achive a good social status. You should simply ignore them and give it back. as you have explained you are a sweet natured person, you should muster guts to reply back in the same tone. Defnitely they are not an option for a emotional fall back soo why care for such people. just flaunt your status and don't care a dime. Those feelings you have go about their jealousy will get you bad luck to you doesn't hold any importance, only GOD will decide every human beings luck, soo go ahead and enjoy your life,keep faith in GOD and if you think your relatives should be condemned go ahead and give it to them! be happy always!
Cheers!!
Nav
2006-10-28
#2
Name: sowmya Subject: tahnk u sooooo much,yeah !!!
hi yeah,
thank u so much once again for ur sweet reply.i'm so grateful to u for taking ur time all over again to write to me.no,i dont have children yet.whatever u said is very true. i think i should keep showing my dad that i do have lots of problem to deal with.i shld make him think abt it.i did go through lot of emotional tortures from my in laws.even today they hurt for every small things & keep finding faults in me.they r very selfish.all they care abt is their own comforts & happiness.they dont even care abt their son.i had to take all those hurtful things told by my inlaws,but again i didnt tell them anything nor told anything abt this to anybody from my family also.though i was going through all these i didnt say anything to my dad bcoz i didnt want to give any kind of tensions to him.i guess that was a major mistake i commited as u said.he thinks i'm on 9th cloud now,leaving in US wid all comforts having no worries at all which is absolutely false as we all know.from now on i'll let him know all my problems i'm dealing wid so that he understands i have my own life to deal wid & have no time for all these crapy relatives.he takes my happiness for granted,but he's so concerned abt his sisters & their families.every small problem he runs to help them physically as well as financially.in spite my dad does so much for them,they r so ungrateful to our family.they r so jealous & mean that they cant see even the smallest happiness in our family & wish only bad things to me & my sister.i really wonder why my dad cant see all these things.he ignores his own daughters
& cares so much abt them.i think my dad is also one of the most selfish man.but i have taken ur advice very seriously.i'll do as u said,keep telling my dad abt the problems so that he doesnt expect me to do all these crap.
i dont know how to thank u.feels i have spoken to a close friend.i didnt have anyone to let my feelings out & get advice.thanks for ur understanding & patience to write to me.God bless u
2006-10-27
#3
Name: yeah Subject: Sowmya.....
I have been thinking about you & your situation a lot.Here are my thoughts:
You need to work on improving/improvising your relationship with your Dad.
Sowmya, you are no more a little girl who stands behind daddy.
You are married, have a family of your own.do you have a baby?.
Do not confide anything in your daddy about your cousins or anything.
Project an image that you are just fine with them.
Generally take you dad out of teh scene!. He is of no use to you.But remember to tell him even the minute details about each & every problem you face from your husband's side...even teh smallest ones(I pray that you dont have any)
but make sure that your dad thinks that you are not all sitting in a golden crown..let him spend some time in his day worrying about his daughter.
As for your cousins or so called relatives, just make sure that you always show them your bright side.
Flaunt your status, project a happy & wealthy image.
Honeslty Sowmya, they are nothing to you..your husband & your kids are the most important & thats it...
If you do ahave any problem from inlawsside then it is a different story...Be glads that you dont have any of those..there are women who are living with so cruel mother-in-laws etc.,. who torture them physically mentally...
One thing which is going to help is ignoring them in life.I understand you need to have someone from your side, but if they are of no good then better be without them, I guess...
So keep your dad busy thinking about you..&ignore & forget about your cousins.
Remember what Sunita has said 'It is better to be envied upon than to be pitied upon.
Let them envy you & you pity them.
2006-10-26
#4
Name: yeah Subject: Hi.
More than perfect reply from Sunita. Well Done Gal!
To add my contribution:
Sowmya,
Does your dad know that your cousins mean no good to you?.If I am not mistaken then the problem lies there...Are you in a situation where you have to constantly mingle /talk or even hear about them?...If the answer is yes then dissolve that situation...
There are women who complain about their inlaws or husband or even parents because they people play a major rol in life...cousins or uncles or aunties are literally nothing in life.
Liek Sunita has wellsaid , take it as a complimnet in life & avoid those people totally.It is good for you & your family.
2006-10-26
#5
Name: sowmya Subject: thanks yeah
hi yeah,
thanks for ur reply. u r very true in analysing my problem.yes,my dad does know abt it,but he has never supported me .from my childhood i have been going through this torture,but he never came to my rescue.he always loved his sisters more than his children.his priorities were so different in life.he used to act as though his sisters are his children & always gave importance to them.he has always let everyone take me for granted.thats where the problem lies.if my dad would have protected me,this wouldn't have happened.now even after marriage he is forcing me to do the same things.he forces me to call them & visit them whenever i go to India.if i say anything against them,he'll start blasting me. my dad is self centered.dont know how to handle this.plz tell me what to do regarding my dad
2006-10-26
#6
Name: yeah Subject: Hi.
More than perfect reply from Sunita. Well Done Gal!
To add my contribution:
Sowmya,
Does your dad know that your cousins mean no good to you?.If I am not mistaken then the problem lies there...Are you in a situation where you have to constantly mingle /talk or even hear about them?...If the answer is yes then dissolve that situation...
There are women who complain about their inlaws or husband or even parents because they people play a major rol in life...cousins or uncles or aunties are literally nothing in life.
Liek Sunita has wellsaid , take it as a complimnet in life & avoid those people totally.It is good for you & your family.
2006-10-28
#7
Name: sowmya Subject: thank u so much yeah !!!
hi yeah,
thank u so much once again for ur sweet reply.i'm so grateful to u for taking ur time all over again to write to me.no,i dont have children yet.whatever u said is very true. i think i should keep showing my dad that i do have lots of problem to deal with.i shld make him think abt it.i did go through lot of emotional tortures from my in laws.even today they hurt for every small things & keep finding faults in me.they r very selfish.all they care abt is their own comforts & happiness.they dont even care abt their son.i had to take all those hurtful things told by my inlaws,but again i didnt tell them anything nor told anything abt this to anybody from my family also.though i was going through all these i didnt say anything to my dad bcoz i didnt want to give any kind of tensions to him.i guess that was a major mistake i commited as u said.he thinks i'm on 9th cloud now,leaving in US wid all comforts having no worries at all which is absolutely false as we all know.from now on i'll let him know all my problems i'm dealing wid so that he understands i have my own life to deal wid & have no time for all these crapy relatives.he takes my happiness for granted,but he's so concerned abt his sisters & their families.every small problem he runs to help them physically as well as financially.in spite my dad does so much for them,they r so ungrateful to our family.they r so jealous & mean that they cant see even the smallest happiness in our family & wish only bad things to me & my sister.i really wonder why my dad cant see all these things.he ignores his own daughters
& cares so much abt them.i think my dad is also one of the most selfish man.but i have taken ur advice very seriously.i'll do as u said,keep telling my dad abt the problems so that he doesnt expect me to do all these crap.
i dont know how to thank u.feels i have spoken to a close friend.i didnt have anyone to let my feelings out & get advice.thanks for ur understanding & patience to write to me.God bless u
2006-10-26
#8
Name: Ritika Subject: Re:
Hi Sowmya,
Somebody who has been mean to you since childhood...has always been jealous of you...has always wished & hoped bad things (as you have said in your mail)...is never going to become nice to you..at least not in the forseeable future.
You can either keep waiting for them to change their behavior (which seems most unlikely) or as Sunita said below - just ignore them...after all you dont have to deal with them on a daily basis. Don't have any contact with them at all. When you go to India, you don't have to o meet them even if you dont want to.
Bad things happen to people when they do bad things to other. When people are just jealous of you and wish bad for you, it DOES NOT happen. GOD is NOT THAT stupid or unfair. So stop being so superstitous.
By neglecting your family and husband, you are the only one who is doing anything to affect your marriage and life.
Being sensitive and polite is great. But not defending yourself against verbal abuse is also not correct.
I would say - most of your problems are arising because you have kept everything inside you for so long...have never answered them back..that it is all festering inside you..the next time any one says anything to you, answer back and if they start attcking you even more, tell hem firmly that you do not wish to talk to somebody like them and then keep the phone down.
Try it, you will feel a little better. Have some spirit girl! Backing down from small challenges is not how you should live your life. Face your enemies bravely and give it back to them. Don't be scared that your back answering them will increase their hatred. After all they are already mean to you..Its time you start defending yourself and stop being so scared of any and everything.
I'm sorry about your mom...do you have any girl friends...maybe you can talk to one of them and vent out...that will also help.
take care,
Ritika
2006-10-26
#9
Name: anika Subject: Same here.
Hi Sowmya,
I am also same situation like you, i don't have any close relatives other than my husband.i also lost my mom, so no one is ther to share my feelings.even though i have sibling, it doesn't matter, they are all after our money.jealousy?..i can understand how it hurts..people whom we helped they also get jealousy about us.there is nothing we can do to change them.i have few suggestions for you:
1.when ever the thought comes aboout them just ignore it.don't let thoughts come to you.you can take some part time job to spend time, unnessary thought comes b'coz there is nothing to do.
2.have a baby, so you feel someone is there who you will love, who can never be jealousy about you.
3.keep distance, you don't have to talk to you relatives much.just act like they are non existant.
Normally, fathers side, husbands side relatives are jealousy about you.there is nothing we can do other than finding alternative to do ourself better.
2006-10-26
#10
Name: sowmya Subject: thank u all so....... much
hi sunita,anika & ritika,
thank u so much for ur replies.thanks for taking out ur precious time to write to me.i was feeling really low not knowing what to do & whom to talk to.now i know there are lot of good people like u who r always there to help people in distress. Anika,so sorry abt ur mother.only we can know the value of her.ur so courageous.i'm really motivated from u.God bless u all & ur families.thanks once again
2006-10-26
#11
Name: Sunita Subject: Re:
Hi Sowmya,
I read your message. It is clear enough that you are a sensitive rather very sensitive person. Being sensitive is good but it is not a virtue in today's indifferent and materialistic world.
I'll give you a simple example to solve your problem. Say you see a beggar on the street hungry, asking for money what emotion comes naturally to your heart? Answer is \" PITY\" .
Now say you meet a gorgeous girl who has all the comforts of the world and assets you crave for and you start feeling \" jealous\" of her. So which is better to be \" jealoused\" or \" pitied\" .
Obviously \" jealoused\"
Jealusy is a compliment. When people (who dont love you) wish to be in your shoes and are not happy with their life they feel jealous and then they express their irritation.
Enjoy what God has given and live happily with your husband. Best way to deal with such people is ignore them.
Take care
2006-10-26
#12
Name: sowmya Subject: thanks alot sunita
dear sunita,
thanks alot for ur reply.u r so inspiring.as u said its better to be envied than to be pitied. now i'll definately work on changing my attitude.its high time i do it.i'm spoiling my happiness as well as my husband's which is really unfair.i'll try to be strong enough from now on.i have taken enough in my life already.thanks a lot God bless u & ur family
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& Answers to Topic : i'm very hurt,plz help me.jealous relatives
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im very hurt,plz help me.jealous relatives
Name: sowmya
tahnk u sooooo much,yeah !!!
Hi.
thanks yeah
Same here.
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