Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Ritika,
Yeah you are right…I have lost control by giving her too much..like by being so nice…I have answers for everything she shouts me on…but I hate to open my mouth...and later on I think I should have told her this or that. But from now I have made a point that I will not keep quiet..and will confront her boldly….If I am wrong then tell me…but I am not going to let her shout at me for no reason…I will also do the same thing…so may be next time she will think twice before shouting at me unnecessarily…agar usey kisi ki sharam nahi hai…to mein kyon kisi ki sharam karoo….

Regarding my husband, he is very firm…knows what he wants to do and what he does not want him to do…he is not the kind ke “meethi meethi baton mein aakar change ho jayega...he just does help at all…I have told him on many occasions..politely though…that he is a father of 2 kids now…atleast resume one responsibility on his own..I am helping him equally with our monthly finances…”…but no he is very firm… But one thing I have noticed that he is nice to me and helps me when his parents are not around…but in front of them he would not do anything…..May be he does not want them to feel that he is losing his “Male dominance” by helping me out…

And as far as leaving the kids in daycare…this is something not accepted in our family here…my husband would never agree to that..We tried that by enrolling our 2 year son in a preschool when I had my second kid…it did not work very well…as he was getting everyother day…I was just tired of making trips to doctor and pharmacy…He would not eat anything there for whole day…It was really hard for those 2 months…I got blame for everything and enrolling him in school….even though my intentions were that it will be easy for them to look after one kid instead of 2….So we disenrolled him from preschool realizing that he is too young for that..

But any way life goes on…yaar yeh koi life nahi hai…bas kaam karo aur jutey khao…Bhagwaan sab ki MILs ko jaldi apney paas bulaey…I think that’s the only key to a happy life….Nothing else can work…
Ritika replied. Hi Preity,

I wish there was something I ould actually do for you, like kick your MIL...;)

It is really sad when grown up men behave childishly and ignore their responsibilities (of supporting and helping their wives)...and specially in front of their parents, they find it hard to help their wives in household chores...

My hubby used to be like that in the beginning...so I asked him one day as to why can't he help me in front of his mom..why does he change his behavior from nice to stand offish in front of them?

Also about your husband being firm in not helping you, can you tell him then \" sorry, but then its very difficult for me to do everything alone. I will only do such and such things from now on.\" ...

I don't know if you can have a heart to heart talk with your husband about all this...if you can, it could improve your situation a little bit...

Take care and all the best!


di bh replied. hey nobody deserves to be hurt over.sasural vaale hote hi bahu ko tang karne. You cant help it it comes with the name in laws. as though its a great thing and they can have their way in anything.
As much as it seems something impossible to do confront your MIL.Tell her you dont like what she is doing.You know when my Fil said to me that u are robbing my son of his money on the phone. i only told him one thing if not for me your son wudnt have any money for me to rob him of my husband was standing right next to me and cud hear the conversation.its true if not for me he wudnt be in US.I have helped him find a job one after other by helping him to update his skills and get better jobs .My husband himself admitted to them .Not in front of me of course.
the point of this is do not take anything lying down. it wont be nice to do it at start .you have also tried to get along.when its impossible u need to take charge and tell them what u feel. the more u bend down the more they will make us bend. My FIL gives lectures of being a good DIL along with my SIL.But my SIL herself is a bad DIL.her MIL goes around the town telling that she didnt get a good DIL but the same DIL has got lectures for me on how to be a good DIL.
Also when u are back home why dont u take the kids out for some time and then come back even if it is 1/2 hr .or if its not possible u can spend some time after coming home with kids and then get to normal routine .it will relax u a little bit.can your MIL not go back to india?is there a chance. If there is then do that.
One thing is no use expecting husbands to stand up to wives. Its not in their mental makeup .you are a smart and a nice woman. Take control if husbands dont voice for us they wont oppose when we stand up for ourselves .Best of luck.