Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hi Folks, This forum is so good and you guys are doign a great job giving advice and emotional support. I just had a miscarriage 3 days ago. I had been ttc for 5 yrs, i didnt even know that i was pregnant, I was undergoing hormone treatment, hence every time i took a test it would come negative, my doc did a blood test 2 weeks and ago and she said i was pregnant. Unfortunately i miscarried 3 days ago, what started as spotting became severe bleeding and even before i could think \";what do i do?\"; i had lost my baby, my son(I was 4.5 months pregnant) I am so depressed friends, my hubby had threatened me that he would leave me if I didnt conceive this time. He is also cold towards me. I didnt do anything, i didnt over work myself or strain. Is it my fault?
I feel like ending my worthless life. pace replied. Hi Honey,
Please console u'r self. I know what you are going through, i had an early miscarrige and it is devasting to know that you miscarried and the bad part is not having support from your hubby.
believe me there is no fault from u'r side at all...it's all god timing and as every one tells it hard to tell than do, so please console u'r self. After my miscarrige i am in shock for a while and i am unable to get out of that shock for 2 months, i have the guilt, dipression and all....i used to cry for a drop of hat but after i vent myself here, i am much better and i take things easy.
i see all the people around me are pregnant or having kids so it's hard for me to get that off my mind and we dont have choice, do we...so better get our harmones in a good condition and make u'r body ready for the baby.
vent u'r self here, we are here for you and remember the ladies here are much better than venting to friends and family who already have kids, as they dont know the pain.
You will definatley have a nice darling baby in your hand in no time, keep faith and hope on god, he'll definatley bless you.
Remember how you got horrified listening to your miscarraige when you dont even have the baby in your hand(I know even that hurts), think of your parents who raised you these many years, plzz...think that way and be brave dear.
We are all here for you, vent out and get relaxed.
Lots of baby dust. Karishma replied. O Mi God, Nivi. I really dont have words of console for you. I can only say pls. stay calm. No one can give you complete solace than your husband and ur parents et al. But why is your hubby talking this way when u need his much needed support and at this span of ur life?? I believe that the baby was not destined to b born and might b if it would have been born, it cud have had congenital disease. So God thought of holding your baby with him so that you dont suffer after ur delivery. I think its Gods own way and we cant say any thing abt. it. I know its easy to say these words, but what you are going thru cannot b compared to anything in this world. We at this board, know how it feels to try having a baby and then after you had one u cum to know its not yours forever. Your baby knew he cudnt see his mother cry her entire life and so he thought he will stay up there with God and bless you with baby.

The very fact that you conceived is the fact that you dont have any probs in conceive. We, at ttc, ardently pray for ur well-being and that you will b showered will lots n lots of baby dust, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!

Luv

Karishma Anupama replied. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Nivi, your message and what you are going through broke my heart. It's not your fault, it's nature. It's really sad to know that your husband is not supporting at the time when you needed his support most. I know it's easy to say ignore what he is saying but you may try. Just keep in mind you got conceived once, so there is always next time. I will pray to God everything should go well next time.
Please Nivi don't think about stupid thing taking your life. Your role as a wife comes second, first you are the daughter of your parents. Please think about them also. You are going through tough time of your life. You have to be strong and have faith in God.Take care of yourself , take proper rest and have healthy food.
Lots of baby dust to you!!
Anupa.. jazy replied. hi nivi ! i m sorry to hear the situation that u r going thru. but i feel that atleast u concieved once...and that mite b a positive sign. we r there for u . its gonna b fine 4 u .
nd if u r husband is concerned tell ask him does he has control over his body. take it b ne disease. y there has to b a blame on u. obviously u ont want this . try n talk to him cooly that u wud never want it . never ever. this is not u r fault. nd believe u will do fine ....u will b successfull. tell him that with his support u hav reahed so far ....n now such things will giv u more tension vch is the last thing in this kind of situation. if there is a person whom he listens to..ask him or her to explain. leaving u wont help him in neway.
keep riting on this board. let the sorrow be shared....v r there 4 u . take it thid way u concieved....u body cycle n hormones can adapt to pregnanacy....so will it in future. u will b doing gr8. have faith. n eat healthy. all the best. lots of baby dust on all of us. Latha replied. Oh...God Nivi, I don't even find words to console you rightnow as I am very emotional after reading your situation. I am so deeply sorry to know what you are going thru dear. I know how devastating it is loose the baby after 5 years of trying. As you may know I too lost my 2 pregancies.
It's breaking my heart to know how unsupportive and insensitive your husband is.
Sweety, you didn't do anything wrong. We have all heard about early miscarriages which is fairly common. I am not very familiar with 2nd trimester miscarriages so, I googled to find out the reason for 2nd trimester miscarriages. I found out that the most likely explanation is that there is nothing wrong with or your uterus, but that the embryo was destined to miscarry, meaning it wasn't growing properly and underdeveloped.
I read about 'incompeted cervix' too. But, only repeated miscarriages come under that category.
Did you talk to the Doctor, Nivi? Did you find out why you miscarried?
Trust and have more in God, I know it is very to do that right now. But, please try and have hope and faith. Please don't even mention or think about silly things like taking your life. God had put you on this earth for some reason. He will let you know. Please be strong dear. I will always keep you and your husband in my prayers. Please pray to God, he will soon bless you with a beautiful child. Because, there is nothing in this world is impossible for him.
Lots of love, prayers and baby dust to you.
Latha
ANu replied. hi nivi

yes...its very hard to lose a baby after trying for abt 5 yrs and that too ur husband is pointing out as if its all bcoz of u.its terrible.but dont worry...this is the TIME..u shld have ur HOPE.first..thank god that now u both r capable and eligible to have a baby.then since it 100% not ur fault...u shld consider that ur healthy baby is waiting to come to ur hand so soon.Please juz dont care of what ur husband is saying right now...yes i understand its hard to do that..BUUTT for the sake of ur baby u juz neglect his comments and trust the ALMIGHTY.then eat healthy,be cheerful and stay calm.dont do any stupid thing of ending ur life .if u wanna vent out come here to this board.ok.all the very best dear. archie replied. Nivi,
I am really sorry to hear your loss.
A 5 years wait must be difficult for you and the surprise of pregnancy must have put on 9th cloud.
With no sufficient information difficult to say why and what could have gone wrong. But usually at 4.5 months stage it's difficult to loose baby. Of course there are girls I know who have been through complete term and lost either in terminal stages or midst of pregnancy, it only is that the percentage of lossing baby is very low aftr 14 weeks.

I would not imagine you doing anything wrong, especially when you got that gift after 5 years.

A good side of this bad episode would be this, it has confirmed that both of you could bear a child and therefore no need to be negative about ttc process in future. If you give up on being depressed and take life with right spirit then things could fall at right place once again and very soon. Eat healthy and folic acid, continue with your treatments for another 2 months or 2-3 cycles and give a try. I think this time you will click without much delay.

Perhaps once you get pregnant you might have to be careful throughout the pregnancy, means multiple visits to Dr. and keep things updated, even a minor discomfort although most of them are normal in pregnancy.

Archie