Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Dear All,

I couldn't come online for couple of days. I was very upset and lil stressed.. I got my period..again. In my early messages I had mentioned that me & DH are going to go for check ups, if this month didn't work out.
Change of plan...my DH doesn't want to go to doctor. He thinks that we don't have any problem...and it's just a matter of time. But, I think that I might have PCOS eventhough I don't see many symptoms. (I have regular periods 28 days- give and take one or 2 days, i am not over weight).

Little bit about my history. I live in US with my wonderful husband. I am 29. We have been married for 5 yrs. I got pregnant the first time in 2001; this was totally unplanned. Unfortunately I miscarried in 7th week. I didn't even know that I was pregnant until I started bleeding. That was very hard for both of us eventhough we were not actually ttc at that time.
We didn't try for about 1 yr. I got pregnant the second time after 9 long months of trying,this was in Oct 2003. To my devastation, I miscarried again in 7th week. We were totally heartbroken. We went to the hospital. My doctor did a complete check up on me. And, told that there is nothing wrong with me. It's just bad luck that it happened to me again, and that I should be happy that I atleast I know for sure that i can get pregnant. Also, she mentioned that i don't have to worry unless untli I have the third miscarriage.

I fell in deep depression. Hating everything in my life eventhough I was blessed with so many precious people in my life. Between the miscarriages and almost 2 yrs of trying, I had been through so much. All my cousins (younger than me) got pregnant and have kids, some of them even have two now. All my friends got pregnant and had kids. When I had my 2nd miscarriage, my sister in law (my DH's youngest bro's wife) told us that she was 7 weeks pregant (same as I was at that time). Now, She is pregnant again with her 2nd child. Please don't get me wrong..I love my cousins, friends and SIL very much. From the bottom of my heart I am so happy for them. But, can't help but feel, Why God is putting me through all this? Where did I go wrong. Why is it so easy for others, but not for me. So many questions...I couldn't answer any of them.

In 2004, I got myselft a job just to make myself occupied. Slowly, I started to love my job. The whole year we were trying but not very seriously. Because, I was so busy making myself occupied, taking my mind off of my miscarriages.

But, from this year onwards we have been trying properly (I check my CM, I use ovalation predictor kit etc). Nothing happened so far.

My question is: Should I be worried ? (that I had 2 early miscarriages and have been trying for this long with no success)? Should I go for check ups eventhough my DH is not very happy about it? Or should I wait? Do I have enough time if I wait, as I am going to be 30 by end of this year?

I am so sorry for the long post, friends. But,there is no one in this world can understand me better than you guys do. Not even my mom or my sisters. They are so sad for me, constantly praying for me. But, they don't really know what my pain is (physically, emotionaly). Because, they didn't have to go through any of what I went through. (I THANK GOD for that). Plese tell me what should I do?

Lots of love and prayers,
Latha Sanjana replied. Dear Latha,
I agree with parul....we all have gone thru what ur going thru...seeing relatives and friends expecting and u waiting is not easy. I myself faced lot of emotional torture when i came to know that my younger sil i pg and went thru same feeling as u r going thru.
That time around i found this board which was like a blessing to me. I cant tell in words the support i got frm friends here which helped me keep my sanity.
Keep praying dear...it will help. Now i feel god is THERE . Just be strong . U will see that one day very soon u too will be out of this board. all of us will be on the due boards.
After a long i cried reading ur post today. Dont woory ..i know how it is since i have been thru all this . Just ahve little more patience.. and remember we all r there for u.
lots of love and hugs
sanj Karishma replied. Hi friends,

While reading all your posts, my eyes are bleeding with tears to just know that we all are sailing in the same boat but cant do anything more than console you guys!!

Listen Latha, we are all Gods precious children and he will not want to see us dejected and helpless. He surely has some plans for each one of us, esp in this board.

I dont have any more words to console you caus i am writing to you in full grief as i am also going thru the same amount of pressure.

All my cousins also younger than me are expecting and in their family way. Sometimes, i also feel why God is doing this to me. Then i console myself saying that God definitely has a plan for me and will soon bless me with an angel which he is making and will send it to me as soon as he feels i am ready for the same. I am waiting for 5 yrs. for this exciting day of my life!!!

Cant give in more words as tears r not making me frame any more and since i am in my office, friends are just asking me what is it thts making me cry!!!

Gotta stop my blah blah here.

Wishing you all loads n loads n loads of baby dust!!!

Luv,

Karishma Sunshine replied. Please trust God. I know you are a believer in Him. And when you believe in Him, He will never let you down. We come in this world with a reason and leanr a lot of things with our souls understand and important lessons.
Let me share something with you, I read this in a book, and I think it must be true.. I had mentioned this a couple of months back also, but theres no harm in repeating such beautiful lessons.
We come into this physical form when it's time for us to learn something new or accomplish something we are meant to do. The reason is not always clear. We aren't all born to be Mahatma's or leaders or saints. Maybe, we are born coz we have to LEARN something important.
When a miscarriage occurs it's usually becoz the spirit of baby supposed to be born is not ready to some back, or there is a change in the Big G's plans. and the spirit may have to come later, or in a differnt form.
Maybe, just maybe it wouldn't have been the right time for your little one to come. And right time will come soon. You have to keep depending on that idea. Coz that idea is HOPE, and when there is HOPE, everything else follows.
Just pray that your baby (whereever she/ he is, is safe and knows you love him/her and waiting for him/her to come to you). Keep that faith in your heart. and you will be blessed soon. This is for your inner strength.

On the more practical side. You have to go for a check up. Let the doc check u both.

And one more thing, we are always here for you. Post messages as long as u like :), we have the patience to read it all and support u.
Take care love,
Sunshine Anu replied. hi dear

i totally understand ur feelings.but only thing i can say at this stage is dont loose ur HOPE..only ur hope can hold u thru all ur hard times.Including me eveyone...from ur family friends can say..dont worry..keep calm..but u only know how hurt u r..am i right?...but the thing is as Pace said..let it out..but the thing is dont always think abt that and dont make u and ur DH depressed....keep occupied always...eveything will be alright soon.....ask the almighty..
for serinity \";TO ACCEPT THE THINGS WHICH U CANT CHANGE...COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS U CAN AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE\";....luv ...Anu pace replied. Sweety,

I am very sorry to hear you are in deep stress. I know how devasting it is after miscarraige, doesn't mean how many days u had the baby in u, but it's totally unfair for us and we go through lot of guilt. I too had a miscarrige and everyon told me that it's just 10 days and how can you already say u r a mother and u have all these feeling and all these things..but no one understands that it's the guilt and grief that we go though the entire process. no one but the person goes through it understand.
Let me tell you one thing dear, you are absolutley fine. Considering your age, i would recommend you to consult a doctor rightaway, if you feel that your doctor is not monitoring you, change him/her.
All PCOS people dont have classic symptoms, i have PCOS with only irregular periods nothing else. but when you do an ultrasound then i relaized i have cysts. so go for an ultrasound, check all the harmone levels(FSH,LH,Estroidal,Prolactin,TSH,testostrne..and what all necessary) talk to your doctor. if you are not on any medication start using them. I am very positive that you'll get pregnant soon.
Also check you husband if hez alright or not. before starting any kind of procedure it is very important to make sure that you both are fine.
These days i am trying to feel better keeping myself busy, at the same time i also have days where i cry at the drop of a pen, becoz i just need to vent out.
Believe me honey, i totally understand you. when you feel very down vent out here, we are like your friends/sisters and we and only we know the pain.The best thing i feel relieved is just cry out loud and everything will go out and i feel very relaxed, i know this sounds crazy but see it works.
But looking at your history i am very positive that you'll get pregnant soon.

God bless you dear! Anupama replied. Dear Latha,
You have been through a lot and sad to know your last cycle didn't work out. Why are u so stressed out you have been pg twice, it may happen in next cycle. Be positive and keep trying and keep faith in God.
Its normal feeling when u hear this a, b, c are PG and you are angry with yourself and ask one question Why me.
According to my knowledge early next year you should consult to the doctor if u don't get PG by the end of this year. It's better to make sure that your body internal system is working fine in order to conceive.

You are right no body can understand ur feeling better than these board's ladies. God must bless us with wonderful babies.
Think +ve and talk to friends who really understand you or write here. Hope u will give us good news soon.
With Love,
Anupama
Parul replied. latha,

The feeings you went through ( cousins n friends getting pregnant) almost all women who are ttc for long go through.
Its natural to feel that way but therez nothing u can really do abt it.
all i tell u is dun't stress urself and try n make urself positive.
Look at so many positive, me, samarch and nw sanjana we all were on this board are finally we r blessed, so therez hope for every1.
Pray to god and wait for ur time.
Whenever u r sad or tnsed just write in ur feelings, u'll feel better and releived.

keep a smile :)
Parul