Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am newly wedded just 4 months back. Mine was a arranged marriage and we never interacted much before marriage. There was a lot of probs and misunderstanding or cross communication as information supplied by him and his parents did seem to have any link. But still I didnt bother and went ahead as I came to know all that only last minute.

After marriage as my husband is working abroad,I went alongwith him on a visit visa. My husband didnt get much holiday so we have never been able to spend time together. He had told me that he was sharing the acco just few days before the marriage but said it was only for a short time.

After marriage even slightest issues got us into bad fights so I was able to discuss any issues even about children as he felt I distrust him. So I didnt talk much on that issue. I didnt want one as we are yet to settle, no accomodation etc. I am pregnant now but I thought the strain in our relation as well as our parents might be reduced by the child birth.

Now I am back home and would be staying on till my delivery ie nearly 5 months without my husband. I find my husband to be too short tempered, not at all social, and we both are opposites in nature, attitude and thinking. He seems to have probs but never discusses with me. I am not even aware of his plans. I dont know but at times I feel he is used to living a lonely life abroad and I am simply messing myself with him.

I a emotional person, trying my best to give the best to this relation. I keep sending greetings, emails, etc for which dont even receive any responses, despite my numberous attempts to make him friendly, understand him. I feel like a idiot running behind someone. He does give phone calls but is very formal. Just interested in my health. He does say he loves me but I find him very formal and not at all there when I am depressed or low. Marriage has got me more into loneliness and depressions.

But anytime if he wants to talk or feeling lonely and I amnt available or tired he get angry and shouts or talks ill to me.

What should I do. I am fed up in just a few months. I dont have too much patience to go on like this. help_hand replied. Dear Preeta,

May god give you a healthy baby. It is god's gift. Now, considering your problem with newly wed life and its serious consequences, first you should stop blaming your husband for the problem. He is a part of it but donnot make interpretations and make him a sinner. Assume that he is doing his best though at times you both land up into big fights but it takes two to fight..accept it. The key to your happy life is patience and give up the feeling of loneliness. We are born in indian families rooted in emotions and love so we cannot withstand the bare life of US and its fearing atmosphere which challenges us. FIGHT your own battle and keep bold. Donnot loose heart and NEVER take anything personally in a marriage. If someone emotionally or physically abuses you, do make your boundaries clear but in good tone and when you both are ready to talk and not fight. Also, donnot take any bulgy advises from people around in your personal affairs as i have observed that some couples in US have a big mouth for newly weds. Try to open with your husband and you shall encounter several failures but fight the problems and involve your husband to also handle them with you by talking and if necessary by taking counseling.

You are a woman and your contribution to making the home should be patience and emotional stability. The baby will give you more security with time.

Love and Take Care
Your friend!

Always indulge in some physical work to let out your emotions. Priya Nair replied. Dear Preeta,

Seems like you are a south Indian. I too had an arranged marriage and like any other marriages we too have our own share of fights. Sometimes guys doesnt understand the feelings of a women especially when they are brought up in a male dominated family. But dear let me tell you this try to talk with your husband openly and with my experience I know its VERY hard to make them open to us. But I think it will help if you try to understand the type of childhood he had and how is his relationship with his parents. Also try to figure out wheather the reason behind his behavior is a sense of insecurity which men try to hide. It was nice to hear that you are expecting your first born soon. Mostly in India both family will start questioning about babies soon after we get married but for me I waited 3 years to give in to it because we both needed time to understand each other. Now with a baby lets hope your life with him will be better. Try to consult a doc if you think it will help him to open up. But I tell you try to take some action otherwise living a life like this is not worth the time and effort.