Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I hv been married to my hubby since 5 years and now we r expecting a baby. He's wonderful and I love him so much but there r certain things which make me irritated and angry and now-a-days with my pregnancy I get all the more angry (mood swings). Ours was a love marriage. Before marriage, he was here in US for abt 2 years but after marriage when I came here I found out that he had given his entire savings to his parents which made me mad. I had not expected him to hv a zero balance. Whatever little he had saved for himself, that too he gave it to them during our marriage thus making our bal nil. I exlained him his duty and he reduced sending money to his parents, though even now he sends it to them in lakhs but he also saves for us. Even now I dont like the idea of his sending so much money to his parents because of which I get angry and argue with him. He is of a very helping nature because of which his friends/colleagues take advantage of him. I know he is not a baby and I should let him alone but I just hate the idea of people taking advantage. My husband doesnt mind but I start arguing with him about it and end up having terrible fights. For eg. always he will be the one picking up a friend/colleague or dropping them somewhere, if they need any help they will always call him and he will leave his work and go to their help, if they all go out for lunch he will be the one paying for everyone, etc. . I dont mind him doing this once in a while but this happens so many times in a month. I fight with him and tell him not to do such type of work but he does not listen. He gets irritated with me for advising him these things. Also he has given a lot of money to his friends in India which I keep telling him to collect it back but he is not at all interested in it. Those friends r avoiding him now. He had written them many mails and phoned them but they just say they will return the money. My husband gives them a time limit and once that time is over, he does not call them again to ask abt it. I hv to remind him everytime to call them abt the money. Once I tried it on my own and phoned one of his friend abt the money, which my hubby told me he didnt like me calling his friend, I should not come in between and let him deal this. I had phoned him because I was very angry that my hubby is not at all interested, I thought atleast I should give it a try. Now I often keep reminding him to contact his friends for the money, he will say okay but just does not call them. This has been going on for 3 years now.
Sometimes I feel so sick of this life that I cry so much. My husband does not understand the importance of certain things in life. He behaves as if he is not married. What do u suggest I should do? Should I stop interfering in all these matters and just let it go. I know that if I dont keep on reminding him about all this, he will do it more and more but because of this we have a lot of fights. Please advise. Rajini replied. Hi dear,
I think this is becoming a common prob. I thought it was only my husband but after reading yours I guess I am not alone. Vasundhara, what you did was great I think I too will give it a try. I have solved my prob in a way that we had decided on an amount which should be send every month and there shouldnt be any change in it in any way. My husband also use to send money to many of his friends and relatives in India and as usual they never give it back. But I am trying to forget things that are happend but I make sure that this wont happen again in the future. To make him understand this I too had a good amount of fights but I think I did made my point to him. When you get married especially when you are from a well off family parents usually advise you not to interfere in the economic decisions of your husband BUT girls I say dont ever fall for this. Its not going to help in todays world. If you want a secure life you have to act strong.

dear 'need_advise' dont make your husband feel like you are controlling him all over but make a suggestion like once he give the treat ask someone else in the group to do that part next time. You can even make fun of him saying he is just trying to show off in front of friends ;-)

But most of all as vasundhara said... take care of your health now. There is a baby waiting to be born inside you... give him/her all your love and attention at this time. You also point out to your husband about the expences once a baby is born and the need of savings for the future of your baby. vasundhara replied. Hi !!

Even I've the same problem. My hubby is worried about the whole world and also keeps sending money to my mil in hefty amounts - for this I've a solution, I did the same, before I smell that he's going to send money , I tell him various options of investments.

Even we've fights for such petty issues. Because when I intervene he says its my money.... for this I started taking permission for small small things and remind him every now and then...\";since its yr money I want to ask your permission for expenditures\"; and now he has stopped saying such nonsense as he has realised that it's wrong.

About paying hotel bills- I avoid going for such outings.

Taht u are carrying, try to be happy otherwise this wud affect yr baby.

All the best !!
Take Care !!