Relationships  Discussion Forum

i am a mom of 7mth old baby, married for 4 yrs now. i left my job n career for my husband n baby and now sitting at home, but the distance bet ween me n my husband is incresing every day. he watches lot of pornography. and has lot of friends who are female and to my surprise they know more abt him today than i know abt him. i have objected to his closeness with some of them but he has never bothered abt it. these days he makes me feel useless and unwanted. i have thought of walking out a lot of times, but am confused because of my baby and parents. i am getting into depression, i need to cry. i have become very lonely. i tried every possible thing on this earth to make my marraige work but now i am tired. please tellme what should i do?
shushma replied. i m also sailing in the same boat like urs. U r narrating exactly my story. Browsing pornography is okay with me. But girls friends is a big NO NO for me. Even for me walking out is not that easy. Even i have done everythingi could but he keeps repeating.. Says it wont happen again but starts again. I had served him ultimatum once but he got caught again. And this time told him that its a bonus and if repeated would walk away n he cant see his daughter either. He is a good guy except for this habit of speaking to female everything is fine. I really dnt want the marriage to end. Even i feel depressed and cry all the time not knowing what to do.
Getting a job n living alone i can do but i dnt want my baby to grow without a father, thats the only thing i m sticking to this marriage. I couldnt tell this to my mom bec she will take unnecessary tension. But i did discuss this with my mom in law and she says walkng away u wont achieve anything but try and get him to the right path slowly. He has promised to stay away from mailing girls hoping that he doesnt break his promise this time. seema replied. Porn is ok ! Many men watch it !
But getting emotionally close to other females in the name of friendship is not fair.
You do one thing . Now that you know who these females are , become a friend of his friends (I mean these females). Call them up and have a frank chat with them. Tell them you have a baby and would like them to leave him alone as he is not ready to take responsibility!
Any smart female will get the message right. If you sound bold and confident they will decide to backoff . Preeti replied. Try getting a job (even part time)..that way you would get to meet new people and make new friends..it would lessen your loneliness and depression too..and also your emotional dependance on your husband...

Has this distance (between yr husband and you) always been there or has it started since your baby? If it is the latter then maybe you need to involve him more on the baby care side...so that you get time to take a breather.. go to a spa and get pampered every now and then..try having a candle light dinner at home (after the baby's gone to sleep)..try to get the romance back in your life...

If your husband likes to talk to his friends, let him talk - as long as it is innocent, what does it matter...your fighting with him on this issue will only make him stubborn...

And when you say that you have tried \";every possible thing on this earth\";, have you tried marital counselling? If you live in the states, then it is easier...sometimes the counsellors can work wonders - giving both you and your husband a fresh perspective on one's actions and behaviors...but of course your hubby would have to agree to this and you might have to persuade him to come to at least one session...

I really hope things work out for you...I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to care full time for your baby and not feel appreciated by your hubby...just believe in yourself and your own worth...don't let others dictate as to how you feel about yourself...

take care and all the best!!