Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends, I live outside of India. Had wonderful friends in the past, but landed up in a circle of freinds, which are good, but sometimes I end up hurting. It is always me who is calling everybody, me going to their home and always giving them friendly love, but it has been more than a year, nobody came, they hardly ever call, how much patience would I have. They seem to be taking advantage because of my soft nature. If I say come to my home, they say okay and then all the nothing...some say you can come na...even though I am the one having newly born. I dont know why I am so sensitive? I only have them here. I do keep my family life seperate from them. I am happy over all, but sometimes I become too sensitive because of the friends. If I am sitting alone, few dont even bother. Some speak in their own language even when there is everybody. Like when I had miscarriage, except for few, they jsut remained quiet and no love, they just did not think that t his way their friend can heal faster. When they do gossip about each other and I am there, I dont even spread it because I am scared.
Any advice? I am so involved from 5 years with them before I had a baby I was regularly visiting them, taking them for shopping, burning my gas, now that it is their turn, nobody turns up. Silver replied. HI goodheart,Congrats on ur newborn.
Now u might not need those friends who r not really interested in u.
But I dont advise u to break friendship and take care of newborn.Because this is not temporary problem .We r social animals and someday we need real friendship .

So pl read the following analisys and improve ur relations with ur future friends too.

So, ur problem is ur friends behaviour.Analyse folllowing points urself...
1.Have u ever analysed what makes them be in distant to u?
2.What type of talks they do whle they r with other friends inorder to become closer to each other?
3.Do they have bigger kids than u which makes them to visit other kids home often for kids sake?
4.R u talkative and can talk on any topic they talk to gain attension ?


So, following is my analysis to each point...Decide what is the trigger.So we can find solution sooner for any relation.

1.Sometimes plain going or fair-going girls cant gain full attension in a cirle.Because naturally they maintain low-profile to be sweet to all.And many of indian friends r lttle hypocricy will be there inside( SOrry if I hurt any but it's fact which we cant digest!).In ur circle definitely one or two must be like this and they really dont get attracted to fair girls like u.
So if u find it is worth thinkable..Just practice...maintaining high-profile (not boasting or not false-pristage) ..Just be urself but dont act too sweet and be too humble. IT works best for any circle .

2.What type of talks they talk ...Cncentrate on thse things.
Probably they might feel u younger or older to them so might not be intrested.Are they of same age group to u? If so, just listen their talks..u said they gossip toomuch and u r afraid to spread..So u r not having that type of attitude and u r in not right circle for u..They obviously like one who gossip.So u r different and they feel that difference and be in distant.So find another circle Or Emotionally dont get bonded with these friends who r really not intrested...

3.BIGGER KIDS: I had this problem when I was newly married,they all used to meet each other in houses where plenty of toys r available to play...wWhenI had no kid I had no toys but when I triggered it I bought some to let their kids play ..it diddnt work out much but instead they used to use my house for pot-lucks because it's neat.
Now I understood that because I have a toddler and I prefer going to home where she can play with other kids.

4.Talkativeness: This is almost like 2nd point.Jus checkout u ahve talkative skills to mingle with all or u r too much talkative that others get bored?Sorry dear, I'm just going in detail to make u find problem.

Or sometimes expecting from them for what u did leads to their distance.U expect them become close to u.other hand they'MAY' think 'bout u..she always blame us for not doing like her.she did for her iwsh ,how can she expect from us?we r not sitting idle,we have our own work....like things goes on their minds.Believe me goodheart, in my circle we had a girl who used to expect from us .And we know she is good 'n sweet but we were little incapable to do that for her in our family situations and slowly she started thinking negative, and distance increased .

So,GOodheart,Jsut analyse things and make ur move.
If u find urself it's tough to make them come ur home ..don't say it with them . Jsut if u want u can go and spend and return with a good talk.Theats how u have to maintain this relation ..But when u find a new group ,makesure u will maintain urself little privacy and dont let ur heart open the instance u meet a friend.Dont be toomcuh plain and talk openly until u find a friend best and very close.

All the best and take care of ur newborn.Dont think of them.Jsut n'joy with them and dont let ur mind occupied with those thoughts.
Ok dear.Thanks for reading loong message. Manimaran replied. I live in dubai. And i also faced such kind probs. Dont worry. See if they r trying to avoid u dont care about them. U got ur own respect. Give respect those who likes ur friendship. For others just say hi,bye thats enough. Once if they realise ur value sure they will. Best of luck. Bye.