Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hai,
I am a 39 yr old from India with my husband working in Dubai. I have two children - elder is a girl of 18 and she has started her engg. studies. My son is 15, studying in 10th standard.

We all were at Dubai till my daughter completed her 10th standard. During those days i was on contraceptive pills. Then i started having some hormonal imbalance and stopped using tablets .My gyanec suggested doing A tubal ligation (An operation in which the Fallopian tubes are blocked making egg transportation and fertilization almost impossible. By some or the other reasons we couldn't do that.

Now, i am staying with my children in India and when my husband comes for leave, we practice withdrawal method...or the safe period method.

Last time (on may28th) he came on leave and we had sex...I was little ignorant as i was on safe period those days. He tells that he has withdrawn b4 something happened. But, i doubt he couldn't do that. We had it many times after that using condoms b4 he leaves back.

Last week i was due for periods and as it didn't happened, i had a urine test which came positive!!!

I consulted with my gyn and she recommends an abortion. I feel guilty to do an abortion. On the other side i feel shy facing my children and relatives.

Anybody with same kind of experience...Kindly Help..advice what to do...Only genuine advices are solicited.
Rashmi replied. Hi sheela

I am a mother of a yr old kid. Though i havent gone thru any such exp as urs. But let me tell u of my exp. When i was 2 months preg..i had to do a sonog. The foetus was a tiny dot. But.... it was blinking which means it had life. So pls do not have an abortion. Dont worry if ur children r gown up i am sure they will understand u better than anyone. So pls take care & god bless u hi replied. hi sheela

today only i read ur message. dear friend, i know it is difficult for u to take a decision . but, i'll say defenitly 100%. DON'T NEVER EVER THINK OF ABORTION.
dear friend, we cannot just kill our baby. and we cannot live a life like nothng happened. U KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE(SOCIETY) , THEY R NOTHNG AND THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR BABY.
these people, if we r strong and happy and f they understands that, they'll say nothing. U KNOW DEAR, THESE SAID PEOPLE(SOCIETY) ALWAYS TRY TO TEASE THOSE WEAK ONES.

so go ahead don't be ashamed or guilty of anything.
i know ur elder ones may think t s difficult for them first. any sudden changes in life'll be like that.

u can see gradual;ly by the tme of ur delivery ur kids'll be the most exited.
JUST BE A MOTHER AND TELL UR KIDA FIRMLY ABOUT THE SITUATON.
THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT S NOT PLANNED. BUT SURE THIS IS A VERY VERY GOOD THING.

SO BE HAPPY TAKE GOOD CARE OF U.
LIKE THE KIDS U R HAVING NOW, THIS LITTLE ONE IS ALSO URS. WE CANNOT DO ANYTHNG TO HIM/HER BECAUSE SHE /HE CANNOT RESPOND/HELPLESS.
LOOTS OF LUV AND PRAYERS



debby replied. Probably everybody viewed it in positive way and advised to welcome baby.
But I'm not adaptable to a tremondous change in life and can even suggest going for abortion.Sorry if I'm wrong ...But, I feel ,than welcoming a baby with lot of doubts ,it's probably a not that evil thouht to think 'bout abortion while considering ur age and ending up not providing all the needed care while ur hhubby is in other country.
Even one of my aunt after 3 big kids (elder one was 20 by that time) had conceived and welcomed that baby without any doubts...Because theyheard that news after they did some YAGNAM and they felt that coming baby is Yagna Phalam(Result of that ritual )and felt its godsent baby. NOw the whole family love that babygirl alot.


Including mine,These replies are all their personal views. And view practically and decide according to ur circumstances.
Already ur hubby is earning for ur welfare while being out of the country and u both have to live togehter someday. This new baby again gives new responsibilities and definitely u have to sacrifice many to fulfil ur responsibilities that never going to end in near future...
So, pl take it a serious thought in all angles and make a decision practically.

sorry if my suggestion was materialstic.but its fact. GEORGE MATHEW replied. Dear Sister,
wheter you believe it or not, my mother delivered my younger brother at her 45 and father's 55. At that time we already were 6 children and my elder brother's age was 25. We all got shocked at first and welcomed well the new comer and enojoyed by his gowth.

Don't worry, be happy. Don't think of abortion, forget all negative thoughts which will affect your baby in you womb. Think of those who are crying for a baby.

Pray for those cuples who don't have babies to get this gift to them from God.

WSIH YOU & THE LITTLE ONE ALL THE BEST. shruthi replied. Dear....

I am not of your age but still I would like u to read my message.
Same like you even my mom was pregnant at the age of 39. I was the only child to my parents till then & was in my grade 12. To me it was an utter shock since being the only child I was quite selfish & the thought of sharing my parents love with someone else was unimaginable. I even fought with my parents to some extent. But gradually my anger subsided, I used to take very good care of mamma throughout pregnancy & she was very happy abt. that. My little baby sister was born in no time & now she means more than anything to me. She looks exactly like me!!! She is 9 yrs. now & treats me like her mom. I really cannot express my happiness in words when she hugs me.

Now I am married for one & a half years and expecting my first baby in November. I have a very loving & caring husband .... my sister is the one most excited about the arrival of this baby!!! She says she wants a baby girl! Whatsoever, I consider it as my second baby, first being my baby sister.

Coming back to your issue, my dear there is nothing to feel ashamed to face ur relatives & friends. Until & unless there is a health problem that poses a risk to pregnancy, u should never think of an abortion. Remember, its a god given gift. At this age, you are going to love your baby even more!! Besides your children are also there to love the baby, he/she will very lucky to have a big bro & sis. What is there in facing your friends. You are taking the responsibility not them. Just tell them you had planned it that way & show them the excitement. If you are happy they will join you in your happiness.

I would suggest you not to abort the little life in you. However ultimate decision is yours. Discuss with ur husband and think wisely. My mom could love the child even more at that age so definitely u could also!!!

All the best, take care!!!

Priya_girl replied. I know it must be a great shock for you, especially now that your kids are grown up and you have passed the stage.

First you need to see your husband and both of you need to sit down and talk and decide whether this is what you want.

Secondly, your health matters and that only your gyno can advise you on. Having a baby at a late age can be risky because chances of the baby having abnormalities are higher but it is not the case with everyone and proper guidance with a good doctor and doing the necessary tests can also help.

As for your children, they should be your last worry because even if they are not keen on having a baby in the house if you and your husband have decided on it after a while they will just get used to the idea.

With your husband and you living apart it won't be easy to bring up a baby living apart. These are all options you must weigh out. Yes abortion is not the answer but sometimes it is a better option than bringing an unwanted child into the world and not be able to be a good parent.

This is only my opinion...the decision is only yours. sumas replied. My aunt was 38 years old and had a daughter of 19 years who was at collage.no one of us relatives teased her or made fun of her when she told the news.her daughter had complaints because she was teased at collage.but she went ahead and had a baby boy.
why your doctor is recommending an abortion?is there any problem with your health?discuss this with your husband.take decission together.take care.