Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Why does my adopted child taking so much time for adjustment He is never at home? WE have adopted the boy for over a year now. And it is really becoming difficult to include him in the family fold. So, suggest some ways, wise parents. My husband and in-laws are doing the best. Robin replied. First, how old is your child? Let me know and that will help as well. Sometimes it is just the personality of the child. I was adopted and a very difficult baby and child. Thought it was because of yelling from the birth mother, but my son was born this way, too. Come to find out when I found my birth mother when I turned 32 it is an inherited trait. Example: Didn't like hugging or cuddling. Didn't want to get close or snuggle. Somewhat a hyper child. Now that I'm older and wiser I just know that this is the way I was made... don't worry. Just give the baby/child a lot of hugs and tell him/her that you love them very day at least 10-20 times per day and just hug the child as much and often as you can. As the child ages he/she will turn to be a teen and not want all this mushy stuff. Just do the best, but never give up those hugs nor the kind words of encouragement nor the \";I LOVE YOU's\";... another kind word of advice: pretend the child is you as an infant and do what your mother did and not worry. This will all work out for the best. I came out okay and my folks just loved me and accepted me for who/what I am. I was always told that I was very special and that I was adopted, but that there were 3 babies when they came to \";view\"; me one day and that I was baby #1 and they didn't even look at any other babies because they knew they loved me dearly. I don't know 'til this day if there were really any other babies, but it sure does make me feel better. I still have difficulties getting along with the adoptive parents personality wise as we are so different because we are from different gene pools. However, I never doubt the fact that they love me very very MUCH! Your friend, SW vibha replied. maybe the problem lies in your attitude. you have called your son
\";adopted child\"; and
\";the boy\";.
Why not ask the same question, \";How long will it take for our son to attach to us?\"; You, the adult, treat him as an outsider and expect the innocent child to accept you without reservation. sudha replied. Don't ever think that you have adopted a child and it is an abnormal thing. Be natural parents like others, and the child will automatically be a normal child. Just take it easy. jumman replied. Well, I have gone through similar experience. It is just too taxing. Our natural children tire us out. So, just imagine the adopted child. And one year is nothing. So relax. He might even over two years to feel at home. smita replied. From the time you adopt the child, you must have regular counsellor. You cannot do without one. Many couples feel that counselling is needed only before adoption. But that is a wrong concept. pinny replied. I am a mother of two adopted kids. It took me two years to make them feel at home, of course at different points of time. So, do not lose hope. I made these mistakes. Do not repeat them. First, stop pampering a child becuase he is adopted. Second, do not seek help of close relatives. They will give you contradictory opinions. Last, be united as a couple. yesha replied. Here is hope for all parents of adopted children like Vasanti. I adopted a boy six years ago. Intially, my husband and myself repented so much. Our Anish did not reciprocate our love and concern. But after he became five plus, there was a sudden change. He started becoming affectionate. So,have patience. Love will only beget love.