Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
i have 2 lovely girls. i had a love marriage and no support from in laws till date my family does help me but i still think i shud have a boy who can take care of my daughters when i or my hubby will not be ther coz ther wont be any support system left for my daughter. but having a 3rd child in indian soc is bit difficult i will have to really dare for it and if so ther is no gaurntee of baby boy. i am confused and bothered for my future not bcoz of name or anything but just coz my daughters will have some home back after us. i dont know i am very emotional kinda person can anyone pl. help me decide. its a bad world out ther. i am confused. my hubby says ther is no need of boy but as a women i know what is like to have 'PIHAR' which will almost vanish for my kids if only my inlaws supported me i wud not have been in such a situation. its been 5 yrs now but still they r stubborn. pl, help me decide shall i go for one more baby? a friend replied. hi sheetal,somewhere v r common.I too m expecting my third baby in oct.I have a doter & a son.I myself have 2 sisters ,who r elder to me.V don't have a bro which v NEVER missed.V had the best childhood as v have little age gap among us.V owe this to our educated & unbiased parents,My mom is a lecturar & my papa is a lawyer.When my parents can have this attitude 30 yrs ago,u too can give it a thought.Now i m going to have my third baby.My hubby is REALLY fond of kids & is the best father in the world.Also my doter misses having a sister as she sees my bonding with my sisters.So for her sake i m having my third baby which by God's grace, is a girl.Our prayers have been answered as i wud have never agreed for getting the test done just for selecting the sex of my baby.If it had been a boy,my planning for making my doter happy wud have changed a bit,i wud have made my son happy instead!!!!!!!I cud take just one more chance to get either's wish fulfilled.Also,I m more experienced & mentally prepared to receive my third baby.The point is don't wish for a baby depending ONLY on the sex of the baby,but wish for a baby as a part of u!!!!!! charvi replied. For your two little girls, Why not provide best of everything such as best education, best opportunities to grow healthy emotinoally and physically with the money that you can support your third unborn child? It is like taking away the facilities needed for the first two kids you already have and planning to spend it for the third one and making all three share those and make the kids deficit of what they need to grow well and compete in the future. Of course, this point is not valid if you are really rich. And if you are financially sound, there is nothing wrong in trying for another kid.

And again, even if you have a boy, it is unjustice to expect the third one of yours to take the burden of your entire family just because the kid is a boy. Only parents are responsbile for their kids. Not siblings. It is parent's responsibility to make the kid grow and handle their life successfully. Even if you have the third kid, by the time your son grows and be able to support your daugthers, your daugthers should have been able to support by themselves. You should instill this confidence in them so that they can deal with any problem they come across. For that to happen, you need to spend your time, energy and money on them to provide everything. First see if you have prepared for these things. Then you can plan for any disaster situation which may not actually happen in your life. Rest leave it to god.

Even if you are not convinced by this, i will say , the actual truth would be you want to have another kid in your life and you want that kid to be a boy. There is nothing wrong in it. As long as you can do the best for your kids and if it makes you to be happy to add another member to your family, it is ok. twinkle replied. Sheetal its unfortunate but true that even if u have a boy ,what is the guarantee that he will look after your daughters.Once he gets married his wife will never let him talk to his sis.
I have a brother ,one and only one that too an elder one.
Till date he has never asked me how my life is,i have to give him all the importance.In fact he made my living life a hell during my marriage time(mine wasa lov marrg) even though he too had a love mrrg.He used to publicly humiliate me,and insult me calling me a burden on the family.Today he ill treats my parents too.
Tell me now how does a brother be of help in these circumstances.
The only thing you can do is bring up your daughters like pillars of strngth,teach them how to be strong and be for each other.
Why do you think our soc is still like this and male dominated and abusive towards women ,b'coz we let them to be like that,what are we doing in our own personal lives to change it nothing.
Anyway,tell them (your daughters)that never to let people humiliate them or ill treat them.Never let people take them for a ride.They will stand up for themselves.
If you yourself give them a feeling of you can't be strong on your own,thats how they will grow up,then they will look out for other people to help them.
Just a small eg.My aunt has 2 daughters.When the elder daughter was in upper kg,she camehome crying and told her dad that one of her friends pushed her from the toy car and grabbed it and the teacher didn't do anything,and also the girl hit her.My uncle kept quiet the whole day,the next day b4 he left for office,he told her the next time you come back crying to me that somebody hit you i will hit you.Solve the issues on your own,if somebody hits you hit them back.
The next day when she went to school my cousin went to that girl and pushed her from the toy car,and my cousin told her \";you hit me y'day today its my turn,and don't ever hit me again\";.That girl never bullied my cousin ever again.
All the best and hope you understand this. deeps replied. when will our fellow indians come out of the shell and grow upppppppppppppppppp... this mentality people exist even now.... shame on u sheetal u have cheap thinking... people never change replied. can't belive people still think like this in this modern society?...'want a boy so that the girls have a home after us'..won't they let each other inside each other's home?....goshhhhh..very backward thinking sheetal!!!