Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have a 3 yr old son. My hubby is jobless since more than 3 years now. I am the only one supporting my family financially. My in laws stay at a distance of 50Kms from my place. I stay in a metro. They stay in a village in a city near to the metro city i live in. After completing my maternity leave at my in laws place my MIL came with us to take care of my son. I have two SILs ...old enough to take care of the household at my in laws place. My MIL missed her family a lot and denied to stay with us. My hubby sent her back to her place along with my son. I wasnt in a situation to quit my job as my hubby was not earning and I could not convince my MIL to stay with us. Finally, my son was staying away from me when he was just 5 months old. No doubt my in laws take very good care of him but mother in me always wanted my son to be with me. I used to go to my in laws place on fridays and come back on sunday night. Almost 3 years passed like that. I missed my son, cried, and kept on..just for the sake of my son. If I left my job...no one would take care of him and mine as my in laws are not that good financially. I am an engineer and earn handsome amount. Now, I brought my son to my place a couple of months back and my SIL came with me for a few days so that I could settle everything. My in laws are otherwise very good and supportive for me. My hubby is abusive, non cooperative and over demanding. My SIL went back to her place when I admitted my son to day care a couple of weeks back. I thought everything would be fine after I will bring my son and take care of him myself. I was worried a lot when he was at my in laws place because their language is very local kinds, they make use of slangs, abusive words etc. My son was learning that and that was a big issue for me. I am the most qualified person in my in laws family and come from a defence background. I have always lived a disciplined life and I dont like killing time. My in laws do not have any discipline in their lives, not even a single professionally successfull person has come out of that family. I have always been a topper of my class and my in laws hardly pass the exams. And I dislike that very much. Now my problem is that my husband is a very moody person and I never know how he is going to behave with the kid. Though he doesnt go to work, he doesnt helps me in household chores unless i tell him a lot of times for many days. Even if he does, thats negligible. After I come back from the office, I need to take care of my son, play with him, do the cooking, other stuff etc. HE simply sits on the laptop and watches movies. My son has come from such a big family(my in laws have a joint family, around 18 members) and so he feels a bit lonely here. He had a great time at my in laws place. Though he doesnt cry for my in laws but i dont see him the way he is at my in laws place. He is a bit silent here whereas at my in laws place he is always shouting and playing and doing some mischeif. Plus, I cry when I see him at the day care. His school has a camera and I can view the room online. I see other kids playing there but my son just sticks to one of his teachers and is mostly sitting silently. I dont know what I am doing to him. I am not sure, what I should do. Please let me know what to do. I have two options mentioned below with the pros and cons. Help me decide which one to opt.

1) Keep my son with my self : He will become a well educated, well mannered, disciplined person. Will have a good way to talk, will learn ettiquettes, will have good communication skills, good schooling and a good circle. But, I am unable to concentrate on my work, hubby is of no use and relations are getting worse since he is not helping in any way. My son is so lonely and feels like he is also doing some 9 to 6 job. When he is sick, I dont understand what to do. I cant take off from work again and again for one reason or the another. I get so tired doing everything on my own. Plus he doesnt eats properly at the day care and he is too young to be told about the importance of eating. And this will continue for the whole of my life.
2) Leave my son at my in laws place : He will get a lot of people to interact with. Will remain happy and get good care which he can not get at the day care. Even if he is sick, there are a lot of people who will take care of him. I will be able to concentrate on my work and remain stress free from my son' s side. But, he will have lesser ettiquesttes, will become stubborn as he receives a lot of attention there, his language and way of talking wont be appropriate. Will not go to a school as good as he is going to right now. I am not sure what kind of values he will be getting there as i dont see many good values in my hubby or my BIL and I certainly dont want ,y son to be like them.


Now, i can manage to do daily up down from my in laws place though that will be very difficult for me. But I am ready to do that for the sake of my son. Even if I do, I wont be spending much time with him as I will be spending nearly 13 hours out of home. BUt the fact is, I am not sure if that is going to be the right thing to do. I mean keeping my son at my in laws place. I also think that, if I leave my son at my in laws place and go abroad for 6 months for official purpose (which I am supposed to but am avoiding because of my family responsibilities), I can save a good amount which would be good for my son' s future. Also, If i move at my in laws place, my expenses will reduce a lot and I will be able to save much more. Money is not my concern, my son is. Keeping in mind what is good for my son, please advice me what to do. rohit replied. hello lady. i can understand your worry. but i also feel you are looking far ahead right now. after reading everything u had to say i feel even though u are a loving mom the child is not happy because u work, your hubby i am not sure how much time he spends with the child.its better you keep him with the ILS for now and plan everything year by year. Go and stay with him every weekend. see how happy he is. maybe with inlaws he might use slangs and other things u mentioned.But its never too late, hes still young now when hes old enough you can teach him how to behave and even now u can teach him manners whenever u meet him.if your hubby doesnt help. dont expect anything much from him because it will only make matters worse.