Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear Dias,
How r u? Howz life?
Its me , if u can remember , i am the same who promised u to follow ur advise one month back.
Here i am back after one month.
Dear freind, my problem was with my hubby and ur suggestion was to be sweet to him by killing my ego.
With a Heavy heart, i would like to inform u that i tried to be as much sweet as much i can with him, i even sended him e-cards secretly and some make-up, patch up print-outs in his cupboard, but all in-vain. He said he got attracted to me for a moment but cannot love me back, he said he cannot forgot the past quarrels. Moreover HE HAD STOPPED
COMING HOME, INITIALLY HE SAID HE IS AWAY DUE TO HIS WORK FOR ONE MONTH, during this period he does not even bothered to call me or to ask for our well being(me and son). Despite of that i kept calling him regulary. i felt so alone and frightened at home therefore shifted to my mom's place( nearby) for that period. Whenever i use to him about his returning back to home, he use to give me a rude ans or he don't know.
One day he did a surprise visit to our home , he has keys( next day was his bday, i had thought i'll call him today and request him to come home at least on that day ..)
he didn't even informed me and left our home . He called me later and scolded me for living with my family. I tried to give clarification, i even said i'll join u in five minutes but he left again without meeting us. Spoiled everything..
Next morning i wished him again 2 times a day and again described how alone we are, he laughed ..

I kept calling him , he continued asking why i had called. 2-3 days ago , he said he does not have any plan to come home in near future bcoz want to live in delhi and wants me to be atleast 1000 km away from my parents. he does not want me to have any relation with my family.
I told him i am in delhi bcoz of my job and i'll leave delhi i and only if u'll have some good job, He said i have nothing and choice is urs.
CALL ME IF AND ONLY IF U HAVE SOME SOLUTION otherwise DON'T CALL ME.
ON that day i broke down completely,
I am paying rent of an empty house and now thinking of moving back to our so called home.
But the thought to live alone with a kid horrifies me.
Life is so tensed and alone, what to do with such an irresposible husband who shares nothing neither emotionally nor financially.
He is showing so much hatred towards me , shows we are to strangers.
Believe me i just want his love but he is a stone hearted man...

Anyway thanks dear for ur support

Now what to do What is the future of this kind of unhappy married life???

Very Very Upset
Anju replied. Hi ! After all that advise from your sister - like Dias, I wud just like to advise you to tread carefully. Instead of just giving up your job and moving to where your husband is settled, try applying for a long leave. If not, then try getting a job in the new place before moving out completely. Because from what you have written your husband might / might not look after you and your child - be it financial or emotional support. So, be practical and think of all the pros and cons. Yes, its definitley important to try and make a marriage work but after doing your utmost when it doesn't work out, its also important to think of the lil one's future. So, just think thru everyhting and don't chuck your job and parents for a selfish irresponsible husband.
All the best ! dias replied. Hi dear,
First of all, I appreciate u for ur efforts.

Finally,some how I could figure out his main problem is ur parents.Believe me ,u still have chances to win him, dear! He has somehow started thinking for u. U said, he came to visit ur home one day and next day was his b'day.he definitely,must have come to c ur actions on his b'day.But when u wer not there in ur home and with ur parents, again it broke his belief.

UI shouldn't have done this,dear! U shd have told him u r leaving for parents home.It shd have been more effective if u were at ur home at that moment he came. Anyway,We cant rewind present.

So, now, pl follow him leaving ur parents. u have place in ur parents heart though u dont talk to them . But u have to secure a place in ur hubby's heart only if u leave them.So just make a try...Sorry for this, dear ! But ...

When u did being nicer to him,I can understand u r loving himand still want to live with him.I appreciate one more attempt to save him.

Well, u r feelign all alone whn he is not home ,right? then think of the day u leave him totally and live with ur son,U can't be with ur parents all the time right? u have to be alone some day.Ok, just imagine it...and wait for him to come back some day.
When he told he has attracted but no love towards u... then itwiilll not take that loong time to secure that love too.

The mistache u did ,while trying for all those is that u left home and went to parents.
He is feeling ur parents as enemies and cant imagine u there anymore.So all ur swweet trial went in vain ,!
But I'm sure somehow he started thinking on lovelife. I'm verymuch sure 'bout it.

Pl believe me and try for one more attempt by listening to him .If u make him believe, have none except him in ur life , definitely some day he feel u as his own wife. and start thinking for u.!'

Dear upset,I cant describr my pain for u when I read ur mail today morning. I got to go for a meeting urgently at that time so couldnt reply u...but my mind was thinking for u while I was giving soem presentation and my collegue(friend too) could guess something is going on my mind. That was u dear! When u could make me to think 'bout u,(though we dont have any bond) ...Y cant u make ur hubby think for u.Definitely u can do it. if u have determined for him.

So,Best of luck and dont leave him . I could understand what u r ! So I want u to still give a try.

I believe \";Soemthing is better than nothing\"; .It's better to try being alone with a hope he would come back is better than Leaving him once for good,right?! So just dont feel sad.Be happy urself and keep trying .But be happy honestly. su replied. Can you apply for long leave in your office? If that is possible you can give a try. You can go and live with your husband for a while and see how things turn. May God be with you!