Relationships  Discussion Forum

I will start with saying i am very emotional person otherways this may be misleading.I live with my hubby and 5 yrs old daughter. dont have very great relationship with my hubby , and dont have anyone in the world , u can consider i am an orphan. ray of hope is my daughter and always tried to manage hubby thinking life will be better with my bundle of happiness..Basically I work and my hubby is at home, since i was earning better he asked me to continue.. off late my daughter hurts me , few weeks back I was in UK and I used to call my daughter sometimes she used to speak and sometimes used to never speak at all.. she used to say call me later and says not interested. I was away for 2 months and she did not even bother to speak , i assume she doesnt love me..even to write this i have tears in my eyes and i am completely shattered. Basically i belong to poor family using public transportation all my life , and always wanted to give luxurious life to my kid..by gods grace I work for top IT mnc and doing good career wise..even though i am filling my house emi , inspite of that i made my child join the best and expensive school in bangalore.. changed from economy car to luxury car thinking she i shd lead her a good life..sometimes my hubby drops me to office , yday she was saying we will drop her in the middle no need to office , she will walk or she will go however i want..it hhurted me lots and lots , i am paying car , home emi' s..trying to balance all and i am not getting even a cent love from either my hubby or daughter who is my ray of hope..and to add more to this topic i am emotional and short tempered , often i scold and hit her..thinking the fact she doesnt love me , it makes me more aggressive i end up scolding her in filthy langauage(i know i shd not) and slapping on her face...i know pure love shd be immaterial of anything , i shd love ,respect her and do my responsiblities as mother which is loving and taking good care of her..somehow i feel i am not fulfilling..sometimes i feel i shd die in this situation , even i walk out of house i cant live without my daughter..friends help me i am helpless orphan female, feel dont have anybody in the world.. chan replied. My heart goes out for the mothers who are struggling with household/family/career and manage a healthy happy life. You need help, mostly from your husband and you need to control your emotions. You get support when you ask it in right way., after all that' s what husbands are there for. Here are couple of things I would like to point out, what seems to be aggravating you. 1) You sound exhausted, depressed and alone. Give space for others to come in to your life, by accepting help from them especially your family. Get your husband involve each and every time.
2) You need to involve your husband in everything do not try to manage him or your daughter. When you manage/manipulate people you will not get their love, but fear/respect only. 3) You need to go for a blood checkup especially hormone checkup. Elevated/depleting hormones can cause devastating effect on the emotions and perception of people around you. Check for thyroid hormone levels. Remember everybody around you including you wants to be happy.
4) Kids are practical creatures, they are sure not like the kids shown in movies/tv etc. Every kid is different, and they love parents no matter what. But the way they show their love is not what you are accustomed to. Hitting her, scolding her does not take your relationship with her anywhere near you want it to be.
5) You seem very exhausted, you need to ask yourself what is the most important thing in your life. To me it is always sanity. You will loose your sanity and end up broken unless you discover answer to this question. Tell your husband how much you can do, and ask him to take some responsibility like a man and set the house right. Do not overburden yourself like you are now.

I came to this site looking for maid service but after reading your plea for help couldn' t stay alone and leave it to fate. I am telling this from experience, please take care of yourself first. If you loose your sanity, happiness there is nothing you can do for anybody, however much you love them. First guard your sanity, health and happiness first. May God bless you. Shobha replied. Hi RS,
you have written this note in a very emotional state of mind.
First of all - you need to stop throwing your frustration on your child. She will go further away from you. By God' s grace you have everything - a family, a beautiful daughter, a successful career. You are 21st century woman who is making it happen all by herself.
Feel proud of yourself - dont feel pity for yourself.
Also get involved in some yoga classes or some stress relieving classes that will help you control your temper or emotion.
Your daughter is just a baby - dont hit her - that will take her further from you.
Go out on a holiday and spend quality time with your little one.
Children just need love and if she gets that from you with a huge amount of pampering - she will change her attitude towards you in the positive.
All the best. Js replied. Hi!, it is clear that ur going under lot of pain and ur expectations in family life is not getting fullfilled.. I will tak more abt ur and ur kids relationship... uno kids are very delegate as well as observing too,If u love ur kids (ofcourse u) u just set a time u cant winback ur kids heart in just 1 day or in one week... give time to ur daughter, initially she will react in someways that might not be acceptable to u but as u say she is most important thing for u..so for most precious thing of ur life keep calm... try to take some leaves from office in intervals and take her to some parks, amusement park, play with her.. take lunch with her... she should feel happy with u... and soon u get her love as u r expecting...
moreover do analyse why she is going more to his father, there must be some reason..there must be some lacking from ur side...uno that u bought car for her but kids mind doesnt think that way, she just know she has a car.. she dont know abt ur emotions behind that car... and never try to make her undersatnd ur emotions too. kids never understand this..it could harm her too in emotional senses..

best thig for u is be calm.. analyse ur lacking... put ur feet in her shoe... think wat r the things that will make her happy... what she like.. take her to parks, safari, malls, kids movie etc...

beleive me closing ur life is not the solution... if u really love her try to win her with love, be kinda mother that ur daughter expect.. y ur expectation on top..u love u should first full fill her expectation... and dont descide on her expectation ur self... read from her behaviour

And be honest to ur self and God
Pray to god too for right direction..

god always help

Please god show her right path..

regards,
Someone who has undergone same situation some times back.