Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,

to all those ladies who think that if we act according to what our hubby tells i got a question. someone mentioned that if we act according to our hubby and make him in our side for the first few years of marriage he will listen to us,,,,,, i feel this logic does not work with all men... when a man understands his wife adjusts to him in every way he expects more from her day by day to make her listen to him and he will never be satisfied ....... i have seen this attitude in my hubby right now its in cooking department, since we r in US,, later on he will venture in different departments... so my view is just live ur life and dont try to please anybody dias replied. it's me who told so..! But see hhh, We need to own some particular areas and never ever should allow them to interfere. compromise to his likes. But dont avoid urself from avaoiding his interference in some things.

Can I tell u one thing, dear!!uiltimate soltion is to be WISE which I cant define exactly.But I saw all the wise women to have successful married life (ex: our MILs).no need to be cunning but at least be wise.Being matured is not suffice for immatured hubbies.

Be dominating in some areas! lead him there but dont let him lead u in cooking ,house keeping, children care...etc..

Ok, hhh, Best of luck and have a gr8 life. su replied. If we keep quiet without asking our wishes, things cannot work on its own. Mistakes are afterall due to ignorance. Some husbands are blind by their love to their family. They fail to realize the rightful wishes of their wives. The wife should tell her wishes to her husband, otherwise he cannot realize. Also when mil or sil are acting against the dil, the dil should explain her husband about the truth in her wishes and actions. If she keeps quiet, that is not called as tolerance. She will just lose.

Sooner or later husband will realize that the one person who is going to share all his happiness and sorrow, is just his wife and nobody else. When this realization comes to them he will automatically change.
When husband is not helping in the kitchen or demands too much work from the wife, the wife should first let him know she is tired and needs help. He will not listen, or he may quote how his mother used to manage everything at home. He would have failed to notice how his father helped her, or how in india everyone can have servant maids for doing all cleaning stuff, from vessels to house. Many mil unfortunately have the habit of boasting about their hard work and discarding their dils work to nothing when compared to their ability. This idea goes into the husbands head and it is difficult to change, but not impossible. Inspite of all our requests and explanations he may still continue to remain the same. Then comes visiting friends house together to show our husband how other husbands are supportive to their wives and how they develop closeness because of such understanding. We can also quote some women in our relatives circle, whose health got spoilt in the middle age or young age, just because they worked so hard in the beginning. Now they have become nearly handicapped that their husbands have to do almost all of domestic work.

When i was trying all these ways to change my husband, my mil one day directly accused me in front of everyone, that i am quoting others to change my husband. I said yes i want to make him to understand my difficulties. I questioned her back is there any wife who will not do that? Have not my mil did the same to my fil? She didn't expect these questions and kept quiet. My husband was watching this. My fil has been helping my mil in cooking for so many years, which my husband knows very well. I think this made him to think.

We sometimes doubt if our husband ever listen to us. They are listening, but it will take sometime for those thoughts to make changes in them. We should keep on trying all possible positive ways till he changes. He will scold us, it will break into fights. We have to keep our emotions in control and we shouldn't give up.I think that is only called tolerance. Even now my husband doesn't cook, he hates cooking. But he helps me in cutting vegetable and in cleaning vessels. I am satisied with this. All i wanted is he should be considerate, he should show some sign of humanity in helping me after seeing my difficulty.

Somepeople try all possible ways to fulfill their wrong desires. Doing the same for a good cause is not bad. When the cause is good there is nothing wrong in fighting for that.

Visiting this site and reading other's problems sometimes help us. We can get ideas from others to solve our issues.

In marriage neither the husband should take advantage over the wife nor viceversa. When this happens there will be NO intimacy. That is the worst loss for anybody. The husband or wife in such cases is a loser. Though they stay together their marriage is a failure. Especially in abroad i really hope husbands will realize the importance of having somebody to love them, because there is nobody else to love them here.