Relationships  Discussion Forum

I got married two years ago with my classmate in post graduation. The relationship started with friendship and it developed into the best relationship of my life. We courted for 5 years before marriage and although we used to have fights, and also stayed in different cities for 2 years, things remained good enough for us to get married. During this time, all my other friends drifted away and the only friend I was left with was him. Ever since we got married, the quality time we spend together and his expressions of love for me have been on a constant decline. I don't have in-laws or kids, but my husband has a touring job and stay out of home for 10-15 days in a month. A few months after marriage, I started complaining about it and slowly we started having bitter fights on this. I tried to explain to him my need for quality time and expressions of love many times in different ways, but he used to get defensive and we ended up fighting. After the fights, many times I thought of leaving him also, and also thought of committing suicide, but either i would give in or he would promise to change, but things get back to square one after a few days.
we don't have any fights on any other issue except this and have a wonderful sex life also. and although i am working, i do my level best to do all my duties as a wife. But still there are no words of appreciation, and no expressions of love except physical ones from his side. I keep thinking of the wonderful times of our courship and all that he used to say or do and I feel miserable because those times are no longer there. and because i do not feel loved anymore. I keep on wondering what wrong am i doing, that he doesn't feel like showing his love for me, or am i expecting too much out of life??? Please advise tina replied. hi friends..
the replies were real eyeopener for me too...i had arranged marriage and often i think how those who hv love marriage must be living....infact i cud get 'jeolous' of them thinking they r luck y to marry a person they know very well...whereas i got married according to my parent's choice..of course it was myown will too and not forced.....often i think if only i had married someone i had known for long and fallen in love and married that person...u no...all those fairytale romance....but indistress's situation made me realise its same situation for any marriage whether love or arranged...but indistress, u shd be happy that u had a wonderful courtship of 5 yrs which u can cherish thru out ur life...i really appreciate sneha's and hi's replies...it really made me realise i shd value,cherish and love what i hv...my hubby and child ...and forget abt what i shd hv had ....no more fairytales. sneha replied. Hi,
Start thinking that ur honeymoon period is over.Ur husband was ur best friend am sure even now he can be.He also must be missing you.You too need to have self analyses done about ur behaviour towards him ,after marriage.The problem with us is that we need constant appriciation and we want our husbands to keep saying hundrend times a day that they love us( like they show in english movies- but at the same time the hero will be having hundred affairs outside the house :-) )But its just not possible yaar.He must be loving you very much but maybe not comfortable expressing it.So take it as that.At least he is much better than a person who will be expressing his love to u thousand times a day(the day he starts doing that u start worrying) and outside will be having equal number of affairs.Deep in your heart u know he loves you why do u need assurance everytime.He is ur best friend and u say ur sex life is great so u have already won the major part of ur battle.you just need to think a bit differently now.Dont be a coward to even think of commiting a sucide.
Just accept your husband the way he is.And ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HE IS ONE OF THOSE PERSON WHO REALLY CARE FOR U AND LOVE U.and that U ARE LOVABLE AND U DO THINGS PERFECTLY WELL U DONT NEED ANYONES APPRECIATION.I am sure ur life will be much better if u digest and start parctising this.
best of luck
hi replied. Hi there,
Dont blame urself as its not ur fault. I too had a love marriage. Knew him from work and the courtship days were wonderful. But its changed now. I guess it happens as and as u start having more responsibilities. It happens in most marriages, so dont think its ur fault. I guess he is too much into his work and by the time he comes back from work, does not have the energy for anything else. Same is happening with me. Life is not the same. Just try to develop some hobbies when u r alone. Try to go out, make friends, visit them sometimes, etc. Also thinking about planning a family would be a nice and good change for u. If u have a kid, u will be occupied with him/her and wont miss the other things and also wont feel lonely when ur husband goes away for work. Hope this helps u.