Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am suffering a lot from spousal abuse. Heres my story. My husband is very short tempered and yells and beats me for every small argument. He dosent allow me to even try and make my point.I am pregnant now and my husband still beat me brutally. I am scared to walk out of the marriage for the sake of my baby . I wanted a baby so badly and now i dont want to lost it . I have an ailing father so i cant tell my parents about it. I am in a foreign country and i feel so lost with no one to talk to . I will be going to India in abt 3 mths. for the rest of my pregnancy days and my delivery. I am not sure what i can do to change my husband, to make him love me and my unborn baby. I dont want a divorce . Please if anyone has been in this situation i would really appreciate if you can share your feelings or any suggestions that mite be valuable to me. I am feeling very sad. Pls. help me and pls. reply soon. Dax replied. Dear Sister,

Please do not hesistate to contact your brother. If you are in the US please call Narika in San Francisco (their number is on the internet). I work for them and believe me when I say this your life will be SAFE and secure sarah replied. i am writing because you need to know that there is nothing you can do to make your husband love you and your baby. the problem is not you, it is your husband.

my cousin grew up in an abusive home. her father beat her mother. her mother did not want to leave because she wanted an intact family for her children. what my aunt did not know was that her husband was also abusing her daughter, my cousin. only once she found out, did she have the courage to leave her husband. the lives of her children were much better because she made that decision.

it is not easy to leave somebody that you love. but you need to confide in somebody that you trust, perhaps a female doctor, a friend, or your mother. if you look in a phone book or on the web, you should be able to find services to help women find places to stay and the means to raise their children.

whatever you decide, i wish you and your baby many blessings.
gaitri replied. please please dont subject yourself to this torture and indignity. Believe me, it's not going to get better. It's going to get worse. I was in a similar situation for EIGHT years before i finally left my husband for good. I kept leaving and then he would apologise and i would go back to him, and then the beating would begin again. It never got better. No matter how much i hoped and prayed, it never got better.. it only got worse. Please dont take this. When you go home to your parents, don't return to your husband. If you dont want to live with your parents and want to return, then speak to your friends and see if anyone can find a job for you. Once you are financially independent, you will be much more confident that you've made the right decision. Try and make a life for yourself. It will not be easy, but you can do it. Go back to studying. Start your own business. Approach an abused women's home in your country and see if they can help you. But BE STRONG and LEAVE THE MAN before he kills you. sakhi replied. Hi,
Next time he tries to hit u, threaten him that u will call the police. Even take the phone in ur hand. Tell him firmly that u will have no more of this, henceforth if he ever raises his hand on u, u will not hesitate to call the police. See if this works. Also let me know in which country u r right now. I will try to find out some inst. for abused women who might be able to help u. God Bless. Aveni replied. JackieJill,

You know I have a similar problem. I have been in relationship for about two years, not married. Everything started out well I really enjoyed being with this guy. the guy is really short temepered and gets angry with me for everything, there were times where he did hit me and I would just stand there and do nothing because if I say anything that will provoke him more. I realized that being with him makes mer very unhappy. Our relationship has ended and I decided to leave him because I KNOW I will not be happy in future. If he is doing this before marriage, then after marraige he can be much worst! No man should be able to hit a woman...no matter what! You nor any woman really deserve this kind of treatment. You will not be happy if he keeps abusing you like this and later on this will have very negative impact on the child.

I can tell you to leave him, but again the decision is yours. Have you tried talking to him calmly? If there is nothing that can be done, the only way out is get out of the marriage. sneha replied. Hi again

Please check message posted by friend under joint family.It will definately help you.
sneha replied. Hi Jackie,
Sorry to know about ur state.But You have to be strong and dont take any kind of abuse from ur husband.The more u take it ,more he is going to do it.So its up to u to put an end to all this.Dont look for anyone to support u.U have to take ur own stand.Just be brave and dont take any bullshit from him.He knows u dont wanna say anything to ur parents so he is taking advantage.
Infact in this condition he should be looking after u well and not doing all this to u.If he is man who just cant listen to you nicely,U have to take help from local police and make him understand that u can get support when ever u want,and u wont take any kind of abuse from him anymore.(as there is a saying in hindi 'lato ke boot bato se nahi mante').U cannot make anyone love u or hate u.May be over the period of time he will come to his senses and start loving u.But for the moment u have to take a strong stand for the sake of ur child and your futur.I know its very difficult situation but u got to handle it youself.Be strong ,Brave and firm.You are living in a 20th centuary yaar.More than anything else in life it is very important that you should be happy.Are u happy with this man?Would you like to spend ur entire life with a person who abuses you everyday? Would u tolerate if he does the same to ur baby? You have to look for lot of answers here.Once u are able to analyse all this may be you will comeout as a stronger person.You can put a stop to all the abuse and am sure you will do it.
love