Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi All ,

Iam really curious to see answers to my question. If I work it is good for whom ? Myself ? My kids ? My husband ?
I am a working mom and been working since last 10 years . My responsibiliies at office and at home and money grew with my age and my experience . With all this My stress levels grew exponentially and my health deterioted. My kids are in day care and miss thier child hood terribly ..I miss being a mother with kids all the time ...I have a wish list and a great dream for kids .. My mom was a stay at home and It was so very secure and a great support for me to focus on my studies .While for my kids it is daily survival at school and creche , play ground ( i cannot accompany the kids to the play ground , do not trust maid) itslef is a big task and Studies are always in hurry and strssful . If i take some help from anyone - I need compensate in a big way for the little help they would offer. Why should we run after money and cannot lead simple lifes in one pay ? in all this my hubby goes scott free as he ends up spending more and more relaxed and less focussed on his work since Iam always there the go getter who can work and take care of kids and the house and the financial resonsibilities. am i helping only get my husband reduce his reponsibilities and encourage his laziniess ? Let me know how many husbands are actually responsible when wifes are working ? What if i resign , Will i have a peaceful life with one pay? Having worked for so many years can I not contribute better for my kids growth ? Why work ?
Anu replied. I agree!!! vidya venkat replied. Its very easy to say to quit job but once quit job it becomes very difficlut to get job. I dont know how much support you have . but my husband is just mad about job. If I will quit job i wont be able to swollow a single morsel without his insult.
Even I have a beautiful son. I am facing lot of trouble working but what to do , right now I am tolerating my hubby but in future if things go very wrong then how i am going to take care of my child.
My situation is my marriage is because every month i am giving a handsome amout to my husband. if I will stop he will leave me Or the situation will come where it will be dificult to stay with him.

Can you guys beleive that he didn' t allow me to take long leave after marriage so that I can resume my office early. At the time of my marriage I was working in startup company. so everyday he used to taunt me and when ohter other couple enjoys their honeymoon he forced me to solve puzzlebook so that I can appear infy test. morning 6 am he used to wake me up to study and all this withing 1 week of marriage.
My other phases of story are posted in forums joint family and women issue with name vidya venkat. Simple replied. Thanks to all of you for your response. I have everything but for some reason Iam so emotionally dependent on my hubby. Though I hardly get any response. My husband though is qualified and was working before is now a stay at home . He smokes and Drinks since he is always in depresion. From outside everything looks fine since he is nice to outsiders and when some one is at home he is even more nice to me . But he constantly abuses me verbal and emotional . I really dont know where to go to .. I cannot go to a counsellor since I cannot afford the money due my financial reposnibilities. All my friends ask to me to put up with this relation .
frn replied. dear simple,
i can understand wot u r going thru as i m also a working woman, god gifted me wid a lovely son in march and i m currently on maternity leave ie.6 months.means i will hav to return to work in sep starting.even i share the same feeling.even i feel that to share our earnings everyone is there but we r left all alone to share our responsibilities.v r earning on the cost of our baby' s childhood and everyone else seems to enjoy the benefits.i have often seen ladies who dont work are happier,better dressed,easy going,have a good circle of friends and seem to enjoy life better than me in each and every manner.then what is the banefit of sacrificing the precious time that i can otherwise spend wid my child.i hav had a love marriage and my husband though seems to love me a lot but has never stood by me in the past 2 yearsif it came to his parents.they could scold me publically even wen there was no fault of mine.recently wen i had a serious talk bout this he said that i sud only keep mum and that things would gradually improve.i dont understand where evrything went wrong.so now i have a difficult choice to make,if i leave the job,which everyone nods to will he support me n my child ? and if i dont leave the job who will take care of my child.i dont find much support in my mother in law,who' s busy in her own circle and is least concerned until we keep on sending money to them.i know being in a public sector i can take some more months leave but will my child not need me once he' s 1 year old ? there seems no answers to this questions.plz help sara replied. hmm this is the common dilemma of all working moms :) .
i feel that first you should decide what you want. if you have a good family support system you can continue working. as this is very important for a working lady. Discuss with your husband clearly on your concern and financial implications of you not working and make a decision. you can always quit when your kid is small and then later do some small amount of work if financially it is must. hope this helps.
RICHA replied. Hi Simple
i can understand what you must be going through, this is a feeling which all working mother go thru at some point of time in our lifes.My point of view in this matter that we should take care of our kids, i understand the importance of money, but it can not be greater than our own kids.Even i have a boy who is two and i am expecting my second child , and i have made up my mind that i would leave my job after the second child is born. Till now my mother in law is taking care of my son with the help of a full time maid, but i cant not do this with two kids, moreover i feel extremely guilty when i leave him in the morning.
As far as your husband is concerned he would definitely take care of the kids, you and finances when you stop working, after all he loves all of you, and you are his family. So dont loose hear, speak to your husband clearly about this and take a stand.
And i must tell you the kids who have mothers around are better than the ones who grow up in day cares(health wise, emotionally strong and intelligent).
Take care
Richa