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Name: Mom

Hi Friends,

I am a chartered accountant and stay in Delhi NCR with my husband and my baby. I have been married for 4 years.

My parents in laws stay in Delhi. Initially after marriage we were staying with my in-laws during which period I got to see the dark side of my in-laws and was very upset. They are very dominating in nature and they major issue they had was my job and that I am very financially well off almost equivalent to my husband. My tiff with them continued with them for 2 years after which we moved out to Delhi NCR on the pretext of distance between my husband' s office and his home. Things turned out to be better when we moved out, with minimum interaction with each other, the relation was smooth. We kept going to their place every weekend for 1-2 hrs have one meal or vice versa, this made both my in-law and my husband happy, since he is the only child they have. This was the arrangement that I agreed to when I asked my husband to move out.

However I just had a baby girl 2 months back which was normal and my baby and I have been doing well since then. During my pregnancy period, I was staying in Delhi NCR and continued my office. I had my delivery at my mum’s place that' s in Delhi. And I moved to my place in Delhi NCR last week, that' s when my MIL & FIL came to take care of baby. This time she came for 2 weeks initially and time has been tough since then. She wouldn' t let me have the baby except of feeding she wouldn' t let me hold the baby since she fears I will drop my baby. Apart from the baby, she has created havoc in my house, she has completely taken over my kitchen and orders the maid to cook what she ate at her home, that' s light dal, spiceless food, boiled chicken etc.I get tea only once a day that too when the tea is prepared for everyone at home. AS per her, our eating habits are bad and unhealthy so she wants us to change it. Both my husband and myself are completely shell shocked with her behavior. I am not getting the full nutritious food that a lactating mum should get. I feel like taking my baby and running away. I feel like crying. My FIL is silent viewer of the entire episode. I am finding it difficult to believe that it' s the same home that my husband and I purchased after taking a huge home loan. The only good thing is that they plan to go in a month’s time. My husband knows what happening but says that he can’t do much because come what may my MIL is taking good care of my baby.

I am in a dilemma these days. I am due to join back my work next month (exactly a month to go) and initially my husband and myself had planned to keep a maid back home to take of the baby or to put the baby in a good crèche (we do have many good crèches in Delhi NCR).But unfortunately my husband heard a bad incident in his office with the maid/babysitter treating the baby inhumanly so he his scared to keep a babysitter. For crèche also he is too minded and isn’t happy with this arrangement. He says that we can hire a babysitter and keep the babysitter and baby at either parent’s place so that the child is safe and under supervision of some elder. My mum is working so it won’t work for her, so this means that my child would be at my husband’s parents’ place. We can go to visit the child 2-3 times a week till the time she is minimum 1.6 yrs old to be out in a crèche. My in-laws stay 1.5 hrs away for our house.

I am totally confused – I know at heart of heart that my MIL although doesn' t get along with me but will surely keep my baby safely. She has also agreed to it but this means that I will have to interact with her frequently which both of us avoid. I also fear that my baby will get so use to her, that she may become unattached to me during the course of time. I cannot leave my work and sit at home since I have some financial obligations to pay off.

My friends please advise what can be the best possible solution in the current scenario.

Regards, Nishi

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