Relationships  Discussion Forum

Please refer to my earlier topic and your reply (pasted in the last). In life sometimes after the birth of child the decision making capability changes drastically. Even the most confident like me start having doubts in our decisions. From the heart I feel the decision I have taken to shift is better. But something in the mind stops me to finally venture out. My husband is very clear in his mind reagrding shifting but fear of unknown is able to delay me in taking decision. Kindly help.












Presently, we are living in joint family setup but independently. My MIL lives with my Husband' s elder brother and his wife at GF and we at First floor. I am Working Woman with 4 years old daughter.We have a full time maid who takes care of daughter after school as my daughter takes her lunch and sleep on our house (First Floor). She is taking good care of my daughter with little contribution from my MIL. My daughter in evening go downstairs to meet everybody for 1/2 half i.e. till we return from office.

The place where we are living is not very good as there are no parks nearly and my daughter feels lonely as she has no friends from the start as all our neighours have large families and theirchildren do not feel a need for friends and even I send my daughter to their house she feels lonely as no efforts are made by other children to involve her. Now, we have purchased a flat where there is good security with good park and Club facilities that incl provision for all outdoor games and with lot of childern of her agegroup.

My husband is very serious about shifting there as he feels that my daughter is not getting physical exercise and no interaction with other children. I also feel the same but have a hitch in my mind as my MIL will not agree to shift with us as she is really very attached to her elder son. My maid is very good and is responsible person and educated also and I can rely on her.Shifting to our house will also cut down the travelling time of atleast 1/2 hour each side for both my husband and myself and that will result in more time with our daughter and less stress for us.

Please advise me to take the final decision as I am really confused.
Reply Msg Objection

Name: Saheli
Subject: re:
Date: 2008-04-24
If both of you (your husband and you) feel that its better to move to the new appt then I guess the decision is pretty much taken. What remains is MIL' s nod. Well, You cannot expect a mother to say yes to something like this in one go. Also, you do not have strong reasons (from MILs) point of view for why you want to move out.

Discuss with your hubby and plan it out how you want to pass the message to the elders and how to convince them. They might initially disagree (or revolt) and eventually agree-withouht-acceptance. Be prepared to face it and both of you stay firm to your decision politely.

If you guys believe that new appt is the right decision then go for it.
From your post it appears that you are already all set to move .... your maid is suitable, your backups are planned, your kid is all set .... everything is in place so that your family can live independently and all you are looking for is a confirmation from someone to say you are doing the right thing.
Am I right in saying this? I may be wrong. (But if thats the case then please note that I havent commented on if thats a right decision or wrong! I have just suggested on how to pass the message to ILs and how you can manage the frowns that follow!!)
Or ... is there any other problem you are facing in this issue? Its not apparent from your post.

Whatever you decide, once thats implemented, dont ponder on what people would think or comment .... or if you have done right or wrong. Your hubby is with you. Be confident and implement it successfully and take responsibilities of your actions. Saheli replied. True, after a baby things change. You need a helping hand at this stange not to help you make a decision but to boost up your confidence and inspire you to take a decision. I will never comment on what you are doing is correct. Trust your senses, be confident and take a decision. Once take, be ready to face what comes and I assum you should have already calculated the aftereffects before taking a decision.
Don look back to repent on your decision. Think that the decision that you took in past was probably the best one cd do in such circumstances.

If you afre in two minds can you discuss with your husband? Assuming you two are gonna live together in long term, come what may, he would n should support you because the decision taken was mutual.

Second option - talk to your parents.

Be confident dear. Look at the bigger picture of life.

Good luck, and dont forget to let us know.