Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

Just feel like sharing my story with you -

My son is 3 years and goes to daycare. I used to think that I' m managing well and everything is fine
until I made a trip to my place.

I could clearly make out the difference between other kids and my son.
He is not attached to me at all. He happily goes to anyone who shows chocolates or
promise to take him to garden.
Not bothered about my or hubby' s presence, not willing to come with us even if we ask him to take him out
to have fun.
But very happy all the time because every morning after taking bath he does not have to go to school.


After coming, he is not happy in his daycare and wants to be at home. I know soon he' ll get adjusted
to the daycare and everything will be fine again.

But this trip made me realize that I' m not giving him a normal childhood that I got as a kid.
I' m not sure about the impact of my work life on him in the long run.

A settled, secured childhood really helped me to grow up as a confident woman.
I knew that my mother would be waiting for me to listen my school stories.
But my son won' t be getting the same.

I know that if I quit my job, I will regret on my decision later.
But am I being selfish by not giving the most deserved thing to a child and continuing my career just for few more bucks, avoid boarness and many more factors.

I know its hard to leave a job when you have put 5-6 years or more of your life but a good childhood is equally important for a kid.

Just wanted to know whether few other moms also think in the same manner or we all are leading the same life because others are also doing the same.
Are we really doing it for the sake of our kids or for ourselevs and enjoy being tagged as busy working moms. rekha replied. hello,

take ur words back..if we are working its for our kids where we need to give them good life..whats the use of saying I LOVE YOU sit in front of them and dont give quality life for them..of course all are humans and we need to live for ourself as well and i dont think its called mean..everybody have their own perspective , if u have money oen can manage staying back or doing whatever they want in life..and just say one is house wife they spend max time on tv,phones, household chores and again kids take back space..please read this as generalized message and nobody is intended.. hello replied. Hello,

i have seen all post here and came to know onething.
All who are working is less bothered about their kid. They are satisfied with spending 2hrs in the morning and 4hrs in the evening.
i am not married and pregnant. My mom and dad is still working. I know how much i missed my mom when i need her in my childhood age. Today i' m successfull in my life. Holding an engineering degree and if i want, i cat get 5 digit salary easily. As Saheli said, my parents are successful by going to job and i also grown up and successfull in my life.
But Only, i know what i missed in my life. I cannot get that life back.
What i decided is, not going to job after graduation and i am doing that. Now my husband is supportive and we are leading happy life and expecting our baby this year. I will live for my kid. I didnt lost anything by not going to work but i have lot of time for my own life and lot of time to spend with my husband and will have lot of time for my kid.
From my point of view, those how are working (both parents), they are selfish on their own life and compromising on their kid' s life.
Money is important and not everything.
You life is important but your little angel' s life is more important because they know only their parents. They will compromise anything for their parents..so parents please dont be selfish... reshmi replied. well i havent reachd any of ur stages.iam 5 months preg now.i had to forcefully and sadly quit work owing to bed rest.but sitting at hom is sick and gettin me depressed.i feel left out
so even aftr teh kid i wish and plan to get bac wen baby is 6-7 months old.is it too early?.around me i have seeen moms sendings kids to daycare at 1 month itself.financially we arent well off.we hav to see both sides ya.kid,money both are imp for me.
can anyone suggest me someting?iam working in medical field.iam a clinical pharmacist and previously i worked in a company.hospital work might envolve shifts.so shd i go bac to company where i was med secretary with flexible timings or go for hospitals, where my career ,my growth and more money is?i have no idea abt wat iam doin.
iam turning 24 wen baby comes(due in aug).is it too late to start career.i mean so competitive world here swati replied. Thanks Saheli for analyzing my problem and replying back.

I know everything will be normal again with my kid and he will be adjusted to daycare and so on.
But whole idea to sharing my thought is - Is this right thing I' m doing to my kid?

I joined workforce again because I was bugged up seating at home, felt useless and all my friends were working either putting their kids to daycare or maid.
There was no financial pressure on me, we could manage in single earning but definitely not afford a great lifestyle.
But those were my problems, my poor kid is still not aware of all these that since his mom is not good in managing home hence she is leaving him somewhere for whole day.

My kid just wants his mom to be with him for his initial years.
Being a mother you know that its a undebatable topic.

Amazing part here is, many of us are not working for only money, that somehow can be justified since a kid needs food more than his mother. But I' m sure while typing it, that many of us can very well manage without working also.
We all are working because we do not want to sit idle at home, cannot live with in-laws, do not want to leave career, etc...
Believe me, I' ve come across many women who are continuing work due to above reasons.
They feel bad at times but still continuing to do same.

Isn' t it a selfish decision? Or its a peer pressure that if she can work I can also do?


Again its just a question on our society where husbands support their wives to leave kid to daycare but go to work and get money. Daycare numbers have increased like anyhting in last few years and still getting increased day by day.Women are giving priority to their career on their kids.

I can understand this for a woman who has given many years to her profession but now a normal graduate woman also wants to work and leave her 1-2 years old kid to daycare rather than waiting for few more years till the child grow.
I can tell this because I myself is a role model to many women in my neighbourhood.If those women will choose work over their kids, few more kids will endup in daycares.

Again - Is this right thing we are doing to our kids?

It might touch some of you, but just felt like sharing my thoughts.
Saheli replied. I could pick up two focus points from your post. One, the practical problems you are seeing w.r.t your child and two, what overall is a right thing to do for a woman like you and me.

There cannot be a generic answer to these questions. Such cases need an individual analysis and conclusion too. What has worked for me does not necessarily mean it' ll work for you.

Allow me to focus on the first point for now.

I am assuming that it was that one incident that \" helped you understand what was going on and made you think thru to take a decision\" . If I were to frame this sentence in quotes in other way, I can say \" one incident and you are jumping to conclusion that things are so sad and thinking of extreme step like having a job or not\" .

Undoubtedly, the best thing for a child is to have the mother full time at home. But lets keep that point aside for now.

Have you tried working on the problem? There are women who are balancing the whole thing and the kids too are doing good. And I can quote examples of such success stories not just from our generation but a couple of previous generations where mothers have been working.

Regarding your child - It could be that you guys are not giving him enough time / not giving him quality time / daycare isnt suiting him may be a maid will work / some such problem. Do you spend your mornings and evenings in kitchen/whatever rather than the kid?

I hv seen kids not attached to their moms who are housewives. I wouldnt agree that being a working woman is solely resp for this.

What I want to suggest is -
Try and work on the problems you are seeing in your child. Figure out the gaps and try n fill them up. Give him quality and quantity time - both of u. Make sure he goes to a suitable school/daycare where they give attention personally.

Try and balance out the whole deal once again by making the moves at places required. And if still things do not work, you always hv the option of a part time job, or being a complete housewife.

If you think you have already made all attempts to get the child' s problem resolved, then you probably already have your answers. manju replied. s, i also had same feeling. My son is 5 yrs now, i have resigned last week only.
i have also found lot of differences with other kids. He is very active and intellegent, but he is not doing common things which other same age kids does. I think chils shall get all the things which is required.

it was very difficult for me to resign, but after a long conflict, i have resigned. pritee replied. hi swati & rekha,

i have a 1.5 year old child & started working wen he was 1 year old. took a long break for pregancy & child care. its been only 6 months that i joined work.

i agree with wat u girls say ... m leading \" the difficult life\" , juggling between work & home & away from my child !!! & all the after effects ....

MIL & a maid took care of him. but this week my maid ran away & right now my MIL is having a tough time managing alone. but tell me how much time can i stretch .... force-fully i plan to quit & guess wat i might be the unlucky one to find a maid once i QUIT !

dont know if m right or wrong ....


rekha: in your case u r lucky that ur husband became a business man.
Rekha replied. Swati,

I completely agree with you. I am working in IT and when my baby used to go to maid saying maa , I started hating what I was doing like going out to work.. Luckily that maid went out and we never had anyone to look after baby my hubby quit his job and started a business , so one of us are always with my baby so she gets both of us. I know money,coporate ladder everything is important , after all we are earning for kids if they are not happy whats the use of such money.

My 2 cents worth on ur thoughts.!!

Rekha