You are here: Home > Message Boards > Relationships > Womens Issues >What do I do?

Relationships Discussion Forum

Joint Family

Single Parenting

Working Mother

Articles

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Womens Issues:What do I do?

2001-08-24

Name: Confused Its not too strange or unique a problem but I feel I am in a fix over this one! I need HELP!

There was this one woman who desperately tried getting into my husband's life sometime last year....this continued for about 9 months with no response from his side and no success from hers! In the meanwhile we found to our utter dismay that she had latched on to my husband's brother who was going thru a divorce at that time! None of us - family or friends are happy with the alliance and this has been conveyed to my brother - in - law in no uncertain terms but the woman just won't let go of him and she is not the best person for him which everyone sees but can't seem to get into his head.....! My problem is that he is only a stepping stone to my husband after she marries him and NO this is not my fear or over reaction in the matter this is what IT is! I am not insecure about my husband, but who needs anymore tensions in life? All my predictions about her and her behaviour have come true till date and I need to know how to get my brother - in-law and in effect me out of this mess. I have gone to the extent of clearly telling him how she was trying to latch on to my husband before she found him but this had no effect on him......Any suggestions?

Subscribe to this conversation Reply Anonymously

2002-08-19

Name: jade
Subject:

my boyfriend

hi i am 19 years my problem is that i have a very stunning and a hansome boyfriend. we both are very matching. as for me i am fair and tall and slim and he is tanned and tall and athletic like me. and so many girls are after him
he sometimes used to talk to his friends(girls) and girls adore him
what should i do

2001-09-27

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Need Help Urgently!

Dear Friends and advisors,

I need some help urgently-Please Help me out.

That she wolf called me yesterday and asked what WE can do for my father-in-laws' b'day which is on the 3rd of Oct. I got really hassled cos' its none of her concern but quite obviously she is trying to slink her way in and make her presence felt. Yucks I hate all this. Now I am at a loss because I have no idea where to head! Do I team up with her which I certainly do not want to Or should I make it clear to her and my in-laws that I am not comfortable in her company? Also very important to note here is that my Brother -in-law is not going to be in town on my FIL's b'day which means she wants to make the entry into our family with or without him! I mean this is the pits. Even I waited my turn while my husband and me were dating. But this ones overly enthusiatic about being part of the family and this is getting to me. Help me out please because I need to know what to do!

Thanks in advance.

2001-10-15

Name: Friend
Subject:

Hi Concerned -

Glad your FIL's birthday went well. Listen don't worry so much, your husband loves you and you love him, right? Well then make sure that Love will keep the two of you together. Yes, it is easy for someone to stray but he is yours so if you feel threatened then do something about it but remember to keep your families respect in mind.

I thought they were engaged. As for dropping her home, if your husband volunteers or is caught in the middle, make sure you accompany him. Make up a story of somesort or something but make sure you are with them.

Let us know how things go.

2001-10-11

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Hi !

Friend

I know I sound overly concerned - But here are the facts - They are not engaged and so the question of her being "Family" already does not arise! Any way My FIL's b'day went off without her being there and I noticed a bit of relief in my MIL too for it!I have taken your advice tho' and am going to let my inlaws handle this whole situation and as far as I am concerned I plan on staying aloof in this whole matter! I hope it helps tho'! My problem was that she was getting too close for comfort and I could not handle it - If she had to come for his b'day and then stay over late and because my BIL was out of town we would be in charge of dropping her home and all were things I wasn't about to accept! This dropping her home bit she had tried out with my hubby while she was after him and this was kind of weighing me down!but now having thot it over I think I will go your way! Thanx again!

2001-10-01

Name: Friend
Subject:

Help?

Dear concerned:

I am a little confused, have your in-laws said that they are uncomfortable around her. I know you are uncomfortable around her for obvious reasons but are they?

As for her wanting to do something with you for your FIL's birthday, well it is her right if she is going to be apart of the family. I don't think it isn't. You may have waiting but maybe she doesnt' think that way and feels that she is already apart of the family now that they are engaged.

I hate to say this to you but she has a right now to celebrate with the family b/c technically she is now in the family. I would approach your MIL and tell her to handle the situation. Or you can tell your soon to be SIL to speak to your MIL about what they want to do. If your in-laws are really uncomfortable around her then your MIL can make up a story to her but it is better it come from your MIL and not you. I don't know your entire situation but I would let my in-laws handle it b/c I don't ever want to be blamed in the future for pushing her aside on my FIL's birthday. Let it be their decision.

Obviously your in-laws know your feelings towards her so it won't be difficult for you to explain to them that you are uncomfortable speaking to her. Maybe you can say you already have everything planned and don't need her help...your choice to invite her. Maybe invite her and her family if you want.

Let us know how things go.

2001-09-04

Name: Friend
Subject:

concentrate on your husband

Dear concerned -

I am sorry to hear that your in-laws are giving in to your BIL but you have tried all you can.

Now you need to become strong and keep your husband on your side. You must teach him to keep his distance from this woman soon to come into your family. Remind him of what she almost tried to do to your marriage and that now her chances are greater. Just be strong and if your husband can't talk back to her, then maybe you should. Keep one thing in mind, if you do this you will looked at badly so be prepared for the change in attitute by your in-laws. Just make sure your husband is on your side.

The only other suggestion I can give is move out with your husband. You don't want to live in the same house with her and if you don't live there then her chances for trying to get to your husband decrease.

I wish you all the best, please let us know how things are going.

2001-09-18

Name: Friend
Subject:

Don't let her in to your home!

Concerned -

You have to make this very clear and plain to your husband and let him clear it up with his parents...tell him that under no circumstance will you allow her into your home. Obviously there isn't anything you can do abou them getting married but you don't have to allow her to come into your home when you are there or not. She can get a place of her...don't go there and make it plain to your husband that he is not to go there. Your meeting grounds are at your in-laws!

You have to stand up and you will have fights..without standing up you will not get your way and if she still wants your husband then she may get him. Remember one thing..all you can do is fight for him and make him understand at least you know you have done all you can. Remind your husband that you are his wife and you are uncomfortable and if he were placed in your situation how would he feel about the whole thing.

I hope this helps..use what you want but I remind you again that problems will arise with all this fighting so I hope you are ready for them. If your husband loves you enough..I hope for gods sake that he is smart enough to stay away and be strong to fight back.

2001-09-17

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Hi Again!

This is really getting out of hand. My inlaws have had to give in to my BIL and accept the girl but my BIL actually brought her home to our place the other day and my husband was Oh all sweetness and I hated every moment she was there. My husband is getting into this stupid family thing about her becoming family and how I am going to have to accept her as my co sister......but I am extremely disgusted by all this and I had a near fight about this with him. I have made it very clear to him that yes she would be around but only in the periphery of our lives and that I will never be too comfortable with her around. I don't know if I have done the right thing - Pls advice.

2001-09-05

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Thanks

Thanks everyone for all your suggestions. It makes me feel good. Friend, I am living away from the in-laws so that is a kind of relief. But yesterday I was told how my BIL is going to introduce her to his parents and they will be married soon. I am going to need a lot of help from all of you through your suggestions because now things are going to really change. I am going to keep asking for more advice on this front so please stay tuned and Thanks again.

2001-08-31

#10

Name: nari
Subject:

try this

I have experiances with this kind of people and this worked for me that is
1.I told my husband very pleasently that how every body other than him \";think about her and her family\";.
2. did mentioned how \";I felt about his thinking \";when I came to know this.
3. very importantly MEN ARE VERY INSECURE IF THEY VERY BAD SAYING NO SO WHEN YOU SHOW SOME EVIDENCE HOW SHE MIGHT BE FEELING ABOUT THEM NEGATIVELY\"; by her own words that's it believe me men wants only to be know as good no matter how dumb there behavior is, so if they were said to be bad commented by her that's the end of it....good luck.

2001-08-29

#11

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Help!

Dear Friends and advisors all,

I just learnt from my MIL that they are going to comply with my BIL as far as marriage is concerned! What happens now? I need help URGENTLY!

2001-08-27

#12

Name: anju
Subject:

Try this out

I think sometimes its better to be rude if the other side deserves it or wont understand any other way.

You have to convince your husband that he needs to tell this she-wolf once and for all that he has better things to do than talk to her or meet with her. You might have to put a little pressure on your husband but it will be worth it.

Once she gets the message that theres no hope for her with him and he finds her revolting she might stop pursuing him and might also leave you BIL.

Best of luck!

PS: it might also help if your husband openly displays affection towards you in front of her to show her that you are the only woman that matters to him.

2001-08-29

#13

Name: Concerned
Subject:

I'm in a fix!

Dear Friend,

You are so right in your suggestion here but the problem is that the woman is very smart. She is always talking to my husband either when I am not around or when we are out socialising and his brother calls him she gets onto the line and talks with him.....I mean at that point my husband cannot suddenly say that he is busy! I am apprising you of the situation because I am at my wits end about it!

2001-08-27

#14

Name: Friend
Subject:

advice

Dear Concerned -

Your BIL will see the light only when he is ready to and maybe it may be only when he gets hurt.

You need to concentrate on your husband and tell him that you love him and trust him but you do not trust her! Tell him that you do not like it when he is so polite to her on the phone. Remind him that she is going to ruin his brother's life and if he (your husband) continues to be polite to him then she will continue to be a thorn in your marriage. Tell him that he has to for your sake tell this woman that he is not interested in talking to her. Tell him that if he can not be rude then when she calls not to have a conversation with her, to tell her that he is busy and doesn't have the time to speak to her.

Just like you were convincing your BIL, convince your husband.

Good luck

2001-08-27

#15

Name: Concerned
Subject:

I wish I could!

Thanks Anju for your reply but the husband is very very polite and just cannot be rude with anyone! He is not interested, but if she lands up or calls he is so polite,and that really irritates me. I am in a real quandry over this matter cos' he says its matters of the heart and he does not want to interfere and he his hoping that the BIL sees some sense but the guy is under some kind of spell. I know all your suggestions are the way I'd like it to go but these are my real problems - I am outlining these so that you can give me more suggestions.

2001-08-24

#16

Name: Advisor
Subject:

Advice

Hi Concerned,

I would try not to panic right now...u know your husband is clearly aware of the woman's intentions and much as u do. Your BIL is still not convinced about your allegations about her right? If u are seriously interested in your and your BIL's welfare , hire a detective to do some past life checks on the woman. It may be expensive but may be worth it!!! Otherwise ask your husband to have a conversation with his brother alone...maybe your presence is not required here...as he will be more convinced bu his brother than a SIL. Beyond this I think it'll be his fate if he marries her. Tell him that u will not have anything to do with him and her if he goes ahead with her and STAY AWAY from them...Hope this helps!

2001-08-24

#17

Name: Concerned
Subject:

Thanks

Thanks advisor,You are right but the BIL has been informed by one and all members of the family and her murky past is also public knowledge! The husband has also had his heart to heart talk and given his opinion in the negative but this has only reaffirmed his so called love for her! It has been made clear by me and the family that we will have nothing to do with them if they get married but then these are matters that get resolved just to maintain peace on the homefront once marriage happens...........At this point I will be viewed as bad if I stay away from her, or revolt in any manner - which ofcourse I will have no choice to do if it comes to that! But the woman tries so hard and manages to meet up or call my husband when I am not around and this kind of irritates the life out of me! My husband ofcourse cannot be rude or outspoken and puts up this polite front which I believe gets taken for a come - hither gesture! I hope I am being clear here!

Pages >> 1

All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
What do I do?

Subscribe to this conversation! All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic :
What do I do?

Thanks for subscribing

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

Expecting Parents

Routine Tests

Health Concerns

Diet and Exercise

Weight

Sex

Miscarriage and Child Loss

Parents of Babies

Sleeping

Crying & Colic

Feeding

Articles

Breastfeeding

Last 7 Posts of this Board

RE:is it a good idea

There is no harm to make life exciting. There should be some spices. I have done threesomes with three couples and they are enjoying with more fun. So you should try it. My tg- hp2609. You can reach me... - Striker [View Message]

RE:Santhoshi mata's vrat.

Can I skip Santoshi mata fast for once this Friday? As its impossible in every condition to keep the fast as i am going to a remote place where such things can't be maintained? I've done more than 16 fasts with my pure heart. Will God forgive me if I skip this fast? Please reply fast. Its very urgent.... - Avika [View Message]

RE:Genuine Question

well priya its only natural to feel this attraction and lonliness. nothing wrong in it , only thing if any affair has to happen it will happen , if not , it will never happen. ... - rahul [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

I don't think would work. It would make one have garlic breath which could be a turnoff. I strongly feel that this is the time in their life to put down Kama sutra and take up some Yoga Sutra and religious books. Maybe she becomes like him too. More spiritual.... - Kim [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

Sm prolem here..what shoud i do..my huby dont listen anything... - Bindu [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

It really works??... - Divya [View Message]

RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori

I am agree with u... - Ria [View Message]

REPLY LIST << PREVIOUS TOPIC NEXT TOPIC >> ALL TOPICS

FEATURED ARTICLES
- Poor Immunity in Kids
- Five Fun Ways to Break Fussy Eating Habits in Kids
- Top 5 Easy-to-Make Ice-Candy Recipes for Kids
- Tips for Preventing Pinworms in Children
- Signs that a Child is Anaemic
- Things You Should Never Allow Your Son to Do
- Home Remedies for Cold in Children
- Reasons Why Kids May Start Disrespecting Parents
- Indian Baby Names
- Indian Baby Girl Names
- Indian Baby Boy Names
- Top 100 Hindu Baby Names
- Free Printable Coloring Pages for Kids and Adults