Working Mother:Feeling toos enti,to leave my kid and go for the j
2008-02-07
Name: manasa
Hello all,
my kid is 4yrs old now.I didnt work after he was born to take care of him.I feel I gave him a strong foundation and its time for me to look up for a job and started the trials.with in amonth i got the job which iam expecting.everything was happy till then.then only the prpblem started.
I have to join on 11th feb.iam feeling tooooooooo sentimental and weak to leave my kid with the maid and go to office.
actually my kid is matured enough and when i cries he says,\" mom dont worry abt me,i will stay witht he aunty happily(maid),u go to office happily\" .
i know he can adjust anywhere.
But cant control my tears and emotions.my firnends says this is common among mothers who go to work for the first time by leaving their kids.it will be set after a month or two.
i have to join in my job as i signed a contract for 5 months.otherwise i have to pay a hefty amnt for my consultant.thinking that I wll do the job for 5 months then will stop doing if still i feel the same for my kid.
but at the same time dont want to sit at home and do other jobs as I love my field.
what to do friends,please advice me.since a week iam crying day and night.
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Hello all,
my kid is 4yrs old now.I didnt work after he was born to take care of him.I feel I gave him a strong foundation and its time for me to look up for a job and started the trials.with in amonth i got the job which iam expecting.everything was happy till then.then only the prpblem started.
I have to join on 11th feb.iam feeling tooooooooo sentimental and weak to leave my kid with the maid and go to office.
actually my kid is matured enough and when i cries he says,\" mom dont worry abt me,i will stay witht he aunty happily(maid),u go to office happily\" .
i know he can adjust anywhere.
But cant control my tears and emotions.my firnends says this is common among mothers who go to work for the first time by leaving their kids.it will be set after a month or two.
i have to join in my job as i signed a contract for 5 months.otherwise i have to pay a hefty amnt for my consultant.thinking that I wll do the job for 5 months then will stop doing if still i feel the same for my kid.
but at the same time dont want to sit at home and do other jobs as I love my field.
what to do friends,please advice me.since a week iam crying day and night.
Advisor replied. if you are sure on your decision to go back to work, don' t feel guilty about it. You need to be strong and confident about your decision, being anxious won' t help you.
Priya replied. as ur going for the 1st time after 4 yrs for a job, u r feeling anxious about everything. it happens with all moms who are going for the 1st time after delivery. but u should thank God that ur kid is 4 yrs old and is able to understand your situation. and once u get into your routine u will be able to settle down and keep a routine for spending time with your kid also. u should always follow up with him in the morning and give a call in the afternoon -lunch time and talk with him in the evening as what he did the entire day. what he ate in the morning and at tiffin and at lunch time and the same u can cross check with the maid , so u cn keep a track of the day to day activities. you should also set a limit for the T.V. watching also. he should not watch T.V in excess also.
Saheli replied. Congratulations for the job!
I am not going to talk about if it is right or wrong to leave a child and go to work. The decision to go, I think, is almost taken.
Please concentrate on the positive sides of it and keep telling yourself about them.
- You would be earning. It is a financial support to family. May be your kid can go to better school / you can get him more things ...
Help him understand little bit this aspect of the advantages, but take care it does not make him money minded. He is 4+, so he shd be able to understand.
- You are doing something for yourself. You have your life too, and you too equally need to do something you like. Stepping out of house for work is also a good change for the lady, it refreshes her more for attending the home.
- At times, being in the same homely environment and around the kid can get monotonous. After coming back from work, may b your guilt will make you spend more quality time with the kid, which u were probably not doing otherwise when u were 24X7 at home.
- Your kid is 4+, so he must be going to school for considerable hrs. Going fwd, his school hrs will increase. So calculate - if you are out for 8 hrs, and he is out for even 4 hrs, its only 4 hrs of time u guys are missing. Now let me make u feel more better by saying that if he sleeps for 1 hr, it becomes just 3 hrs (although this is not a good point to be quoted)!
- All this does not mean go to office and leave it to maid. She is not the mother, thats the truth.
But it is possible to strike a balance betn office and home making. Make sure the maid is doing her job well, keep crosschecking. Ask HER to give you a call at regular intervals - say 2 times a day. It shd be from landline to ur cell so u know she is at home. Keep a written list of everyday Qs to be asked her to check updates abt the kid, everything from his shower to what-all-he-ate-in-food, tv viewing, applying winter cream, checking his homework .. even your housechores .. everything.
Give surprise visits, maintain with a trustworthy neighor/friend who cn at times visit and check.
Treat the maid well.
Get your spouse share this load and
duties - its his child too.
Overall - think positive and happily go for a job. Being in two minds and feeling sad will spoil both purposes, you will achieve nothing.
Feel good for having such an understanding child.
Imagine - when your child grows up and you are 50/55 yr old ... you will feel good for being something ... the kid will be even more busier in life .... but u wd not be lonely at hime. And I am sure when the kid himself starts working, he will definitely say you took a right decision.
God bless you and your family.
2008-02-11
#1
Name: Advisor Subject: be strong
if you are sure on your decision to go back to work, don' t feel guilty about it. You need to be strong and confident about your decision, being anxious won' t help you.
2008-02-09
#2
Name: Priya Subject: Dont worry it is just a temporary phase
as ur going for the 1st time after 4 yrs for a job, u r feeling anxious about everything. it happens with all moms who are going for the 1st time after delivery. but u should thank God that ur kid is 4 yrs old and is able to understand your situation. and once u get into your routine u will be able to settle down and keep a routine for spending time with your kid also. u should always follow up with him in the morning and give a call in the afternoon -lunch time and talk with him in the evening as what he did the entire day. what he ate in the morning and at tiffin and at lunch time and the same u can cross check with the maid , so u cn keep a track of the day to day activities. you should also set a limit for the T.V. watching also. he should not watch T.V in excess also.
2008-02-09
#3
Name: Saheli Subject: re:
Congratulations for the job!
I am not going to talk about if it is right or wrong to leave a child and go to work. The decision to go, I think, is almost taken.
Please concentrate on the positive sides of it and keep telling yourself about them.
- You would be earning. It is a financial support to family. May be your kid can go to better school / you can get him more things ...
Help him understand little bit this aspect of the advantages, but take care it does not make him money minded. He is 4+, so he shd be able to understand.
- You are doing something for yourself. You have your life too, and you too equally need to do something you like. Stepping out of house for work is also a good change for the lady, it refreshes her more for attending the home.
- At times, being in the same homely environment and around the kid can get monotonous. After coming back from work, may b your guilt will make you spend more quality time with the kid, which u were probably not doing otherwise when u were 24X7 at home.
- Your kid is 4+, so he must be going to school for considerable hrs. Going fwd, his school hrs will increase. So calculate - if you are out for 8 hrs, and he is out for even 4 hrs, its only 4 hrs of time u guys are missing. Now let me make u feel more better by saying that if he sleeps for 1 hr, it becomes just 3 hrs (although this is not a good point to be quoted)!
- All this does not mean go to office and leave it to maid. She is not the mother, thats the truth.
But it is possible to strike a balance betn office and home making. Make sure the maid is doing her job well, keep crosschecking. Ask HER to give you a call at regular intervals - say 2 times a day. It shd be from landline to ur cell so u know she is at home. Keep a written list of everyday Qs to be asked her to check updates abt the kid, everything from his shower to what-all-he-ate-in-food, tv viewing, applying winter cream, checking his homework .. even your housechores .. everything.
Give surprise visits, maintain with a trustworthy neighor/friend who cn at times visit and check.
Treat the maid well.
Get your spouse share this load and
duties - its his child too.
Overall - think positive and happily go for a job. Being in two minds and feeling sad will spoil both purposes, you will achieve nothing.
Feel good for having such an understanding child.
Imagine - when your child grows up and you are 50/55 yr old ... you will feel good for being something ... the kid will be even more busier in life .... but u wd not be lonely at hime. And I am sure when the kid himself starts working, he will definitely say you took a right decision.
God bless you and your family.
2008-02-09
#4
Name: manasa Subject: Thank you Saheli !!
Saheli,
Thnaks a ton foryour timely reply.I have to join on 11th ans eagerly waiting for the replies of my post and atlast I got from you which is very SOOTHING for me really.
You made me think on the other side.Though Iam not completely out of my previous mood,but your post comforted me lot and I hope after a week of my work I will definetly adjust to it.
Thank you saheli.I will try to balance the 2 roles and follow your guidelines on maid too.
May GOD bless you.
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& Answers to Topic : Feeling toos enti,to leave my kid and go for the j
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