Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,i don't know if you remember me.I had posted here last year about my marriage.I had written that i feel my husband is not handsome and that i could do better especially becoz i had a very handsome boyfriend before marriage.I wrote about how i love him but feel i deserved better.
Well fate has played a trick on me now and i think God is punishing me for such a shallow thinking.
Lat year i started keeping unwell,stopped exercising and lost my good looks.I was a really beautiful girl at the time of my marriage and a year after that.Now i am not bad looking but i am not as pretty as before.
As for my husband i was selfish.I wanted him to get smarter and forced him to go for higher studies in his field.He is now going to start his higher studies which will get him a very high paid job and will soon join full time school here for it.
I on the other hand spent my time thinking why i married him in the first year or two and wasted all my time.When i fell sick i saw the wonderful side of my hubby and am now deeply in love with him and will not ever care about his looks again in my life.
But i feel depressed.He is getting better and better by the day.He looks good now,he has lost weight,due to exercise and all he is glowing and soon he will go to college and get smarter and after that he will get a very good job.
As for me,I don't keep well often,cannot exercise much anymore,have puffed eyes and tired look all the time and am just feeling so inferior to him.I don't even have a bachelors and am now completing one.
So compared to him I am not as good anymore.I feel resentment towards myself now bcoz i feel i have played a part in his change.I should not have forced him for studies etc.I feel he will just go on improving and i will keep deteriorating.I hate that and am tense all the time.I feel he will see better and smarter girls in his college and compare.He loves me a lot but i feel a lot of that love had to do with my beauty.He always listens to me and i feel he will get arrogant with time.I have egs of people who changed after success.To add to my woes i am 2 yrs older than him.So he's 26 and i am 28.I am already showing signs of aging and he looks young.I fear that he will stay young and i will look old and haggard after 4/5 years.
I know i sound crazy but i am losing sleep over all this.
The worst part in all this is his parents are very greedy and selfish people.His mum hates me and his dad only wants us to go back and live with him in india...and they are not even sick or old.I now think that life was good as it was...meaning he had a not so great job so nobody pressured us much for money,I was the more goodlooking one so he listened to me etc and now things will change.When in the future we have problems with his family he might choose to not listen to me bcoz he knows he can do better.He has recently started showing his love for them more openly.
Moreover after his masters he will earn much more and they will expect much more and he will grow proud.
My god i am going crazy here friends.
Please tell me what to do.I often think about stopping him from going for his higher studies.I also think about ways to make him look ugly like feed him rich food to make him fat etc.I know i sound mean and maybe mad but this is what i am going through.Please help me everyone.Please i have no one to turn to in U.S. I haven't slept well for days.
B DD replied.
I have read your whole story.. At the age of 28 one should be mature person, dont you think so? well, dear one thing i want to tell you is don’t compete in your own house competitions are meant for the outside world and not at home... I can give hints to my feeling..

Suppose you have two Childs the second one does better in studies will your love and affection to the first child change? Suppose your second child gets a better job will you shunt out your first child? (We know your answer) Therefore, as I said that you should compete with you neighbours, or other relatives or friends but not at your own house.

Stop feeling jealousy:

Rather than feeling inferior you should praise your husband if he gets some good job and earns some good income, after all whatever he earns (be it is money of dignity) is for you and for your family (your children).

Good Looks and beauty

As far as looking better than you is concerned I know many people who once have a gr8 looks but due to their behavior problem they are one of ugliest people now, what I here mean to say is first change the way you think coz depression and inferiority complex can take all your looks and beauty within no time. Believe me these looks and beauty plays the role for some period of time in the life rest your character, attitude and behavior will go with you.

You should not now (after marriage) think that who was more beautiful and who can earn more...? these type of silly feelings will always make you depressed and dull which can lead you in some physical / mental ailments like BP, Sugar, etc. so beware of your attitude towards your husband.

At last:

If you still find your problem is existing you better consult some Psychiatrics.

DD
anu replied. people like you will never be happy..i think god gave you more than you deserve.My advice will be \";CHANGE YOUR SELF\";. rekha replied. i have never seen a stupid,idiot girl then what ur..u r not only immature but a greedy fool too..i dont know how pretty ur but from inside ur totally ugly and according to me u dont deserve anything good..u may feel ur pretty but seeing ur mail i feel ur the bitch and ugliest female i would have seen..go to hell!! thats the place for u to live xyz replied. You are insane. How can you think of your own husband that way? Looks like you are only older to him, not mature. Grow up!!! Once you are married, you need to think about the how you can improve your life as a family as a couple.I think its great that your husband is going to school and getting a high paying job. You should be proud of him. As far as in-laws are concerned, old or not old, they are afterall his parents and it is our duty to serve them the way they have served us and brought us to this point.

Instead of cribbing and wasting your time, go out, get some exercise, release your stress and support your husband and see how your life changes.