Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hey Friends, Need advice badly...
I found out my husbands secret friendship with a woman around 6 months back...He apoligised for his actions and stopped immediately. But this made our relationship very sour ...it resulted in fights/crying/suspicions/finally counselling .. Though I myself at times feel sick and tired of thinking abt it(as it only hurts me), I do end up thinking abt it and feel very hurt and angry and start crying. As none of our parents nor friends know abt it, I dont have another person to talk to or share my pain or advice me ...
Pls suggest me something to keep my spirits high and keep me cheerful till I forget the whole episode. Though I work, my job is very boring I end up thinking abt the same thing in office as well and get depressed by the time I return home.
I have become very suspicious by nature ...My mind is extremely restless and I imagine a lot !!!
My husband feels totally disturbed seeing me this way as he feels responsible for my state ...

I just want to be happy ... I want to forget everything ..but mind is not ready to let go. Even If I dont want to I keep thinking abt it and this makes me depressed and angry ...
Is their some solution or will I live the rest of my life this way ...
Otherwise I was a very cheerful /happy by nature person until this episode occured in our life ...

Pls advice ....
S M replied. First of all let me congratulate you on your courage and maturity to forgive your husband and stay in this marriage.

There are lots of ways to keep yourself busy and not stay in your past.

First and foremost why don't you sit with your husband and talk out all your frustration,your anger,and your humiliation that you felt when he did that,but maybe you need to tell him first that you want to do this also let him know that you want to make this marriage work .

Probably there is that question in your mind as to Why he did that in the first place ,ask him that.

Join a gym and remove your anger on the treadmill,it has lots of benefits your health and your removing your anger.

if you love pets buy one that way you can always know that there is one thing you can trust.

your problem is that you have lost trust,possibly you hate yourself for forgiving your husband.

You need to first be at peace with yourself,talk to yourself ,act as if you are talking to your husband and vent out all your feelings.

When you are alone and you are very very angry take a pillow and punch it till you feel the anger getting out of you.

Above all start healing yourself by first forgiving yourself.Sometimes we tend to blame ourselves for whatever has happened in our lives.

Just have faith in yourself and then start having faith in your husband.

You are scared to trust again thats what is eating you up.You are scared that he may hurt you again.

Communication is the only thing that can help you honey.

Probably you need lots of reassurance from your husband,maybe you guys cud go for counselling.

Time heals every wound ,just stay strong and hang in there.You are going to be just fine.

Dear go shopping and buy yourself some great outfits.You need to also pamper yourself.

All the best. asha replied. Nancy ..thanks for ur advice but I am really in no mood to have a affair !
One friendship of my hubby is already created havoc in our life ..We cant take another affair of mine ... I am trying to make myself happy not make my life mess !!

A Friend , thanks for ur advice too but dont call me poor girl ... I am already in such self pity mode that I dont want to be pitied anymore. I want to be strong and to start with want to just focus on my own happiness ! Ur other advice is well accepted.

Thanks to all .. If you have any other advice to make myself more positive active /energetic and cheerful ... Pls post it !!! I badly need it as I see myself drowning in negative feelings !
Mani replied. did he have an affair...like a physical realtionship...or was it just friendship..without u knowing about it.

I know it is tough..but u have decided to make u'r marriage work....so just close this chapter and move on. I mean it could be so much worse...he could have just said i don't have feelings and don't want to be with u anymore...was that what u wanted?
He was in the wrong for what he did..but u have decided to still keep u'r marriage...then really forgive him and move on or it will just be u who suffer.
Nobody can go in the past and change things..but we can change the future. Don't make the home enviorment so negative that he starts to have wandering thoughts again.

All the best hi replied. dear friend

i can understand u dear. u love ur hsband very dearly and it is unthinkable for u to know all about that.

but dear, everythibng is over now. it is PAST. we have ti live always in the present. TAKE THE GOOOD THNGS FROM THE PAST. LEAVE ALL BAD .

this is ur life. u also have a job, even if it is boring, U R GETTING MONEY. it is very important dear. U R EARNING SOMETHING. u know, many girls including me r worrying how much that they can't earn anything as ther own.
so my dear friend, don't hang n the past. enjoy ur days with husband.

also dear, we all r human beings, we all do mistakes. take ur husband mistake also like this. let him know how much u love him.

also dear, life is yours. be happy and satisfied with ur life. take it easy, forgive ur husband. we all make mistakes. some or other.

read bible or bhagavatgeetha. pray always. be nice and knd to everybody.

love u dear a friend replied. poor girl asha...
you are one good soul..
This guy called your husband cheats on you and still you want to forget everything and move on.he must be very very lucky to have you...
This is the one of the reasons why these guys cheat.They know that their wife is so good and is very sure that she will forgive him when she finds out and so he goes ahead and haves an affair.....
Iam glad that you want to have as good a relationship with your husband as you were having before this happened.But I am not sure if that will happen!!.
Ofcourse he is responsible for this.
Let him be disturbed about him being responsible for your state!.
stop thinking too much good about your husband...dont think that you are (or want to be) emotionally attached to him or anything like sathyavaan-saavithri) ..it is not going to work out....You remaining as his wife for the rest of his life is a big boon or god's gift for him.that's enough for him.
Now think about yourselves...For no fault of yours why do you want to make life hell.I think the solution for this problem is to concentrate on something else like ,may be, improving your looks (not to appeal for your husband) but for your own personal satisfaction..don't you not want to look your best and make eyes turn at you...get superb clothes, nice cosmetics, imagine how you felt before your marriage.Who does not want to look their best. you will feel good about yoursleves. as a special request please do not involve your husband in this matter and don;t end up dressing to please him...he should not be anywhere in the horizon just on this matter...start from here...automatically things will improve.. you will know what else to do to help keep yourself happy....This will work....Change your selves...no laziness...enjoy...hope to hear the good news... asha replied. I actually decided to be happy as a motto of my life and was tried various things like walking /music etc to keep myself happy ...But today again I am totally restless since morning .. I dont know what trigrred it but I got back all old memories and I am back to square one .. Angry and bitter ! I feel like killing that female who caused all this pains in my life ...