Relationships  Discussion Forum

i got married just 4yrs back,he's too relative very good family v thought.till my wedding his parents behaved with us too generously& kindly. i was too proud & happy about them.unexpectedly the nextday of our wedding they behaved too rudly,they made me cry infront of their family members and called my parents & made them too cried but my husband didnt support me at that time.but i didnt considered it too much becos no husband support their wives infront of their parents that too within 2days means no chance.i was too calm, then i came abroad we started a newlife,but only when i faced him that is the big challenge for me,becos always misunderstanding between us.becos my family is a modern type but his is a very conservative it seems but seeing them outside looks so modern but in real life not like that. so always too misunderstanding,my parents always asked me to be calm time'll change they adviced me,his parents came to our house last yr,they behaved too worst & daily they made me cry at that time too my husband didnt supported me he was too calm they scolded me very worst at that stage i started hated my husband becos no one for me at my home to support i expected him a lot but he didnt do anything instead he joined with them that made me too worst. then just becos of my kid only i'm living with him,then once my parents came abroad to see us.he didnt respect my parents, my parent lived like a jail at my home.i was too upsetted and worried about my parents. he never realised his behaviour even i tell him or crying becos he didnt even speak a single word to my parents. he was simply too calm that made my parents too worst.i asked him to speak kindly to them but he refused to do that.my parents really felt & told me that they spoiled my life by married me with him. i told them that's my fate. i'm not a calm or reserved girl i'm a talkative & jollytyped but he's totally opposite. i dont know what to do?i'm worrying becos my kid is almost 3yrs she's crying & hug me when i'm crying.but he's too love with my kid & bought me all whatever i asked.if i feel too much he convinced me but he didnt realise his character. the onlycharacter with him is adamant & never changed him for others. he simply saying this.then i asked him y u married me if u dont want to change urself.but he didnt repled me so far. i've a little little expectation from him but he didnt even give me so far. for eg, very first time he took me a tourist spot after our wedding at abroad. i asked him to take a photo with him becos that was the first place we went. this is the very good expectation that every newly married expects. but he didnt stood with me he refused he didnt take photo. i cried a lot there. i told myinlaws but they supported their son only.like this always a lot of disappointment with him.but he never shown his real character infront of others. even if i tell about him they wont believe me becos he looks too majestic & soft with others like colleagues,his friends etc... only my parents & myself very well known .i dont know what to do? Raghu replied. Dear friend,

Life is a beautiful art to enjoy. God has given many things to enjoy in this world. But some things may become bad to us, because the way we approach it. The happiness comes to us as how we approach the issue.

I understand you are too depressed about your family life, but it is just a temporary phenomena and time will change everything. You have a beautiful child and you should engage yourself with the child and at any cost don't make the child to feel bad over your feelings, which will have an adverse impact in the child's growth. Please dont cry in front of your child. If you feel like venting yourself from the frustrations, you can just cry to satisfy yourself when your child is asleep.

The solution is diverting yourself with something interesting to your self and try to reduce your expectations. The human's sorrows are simply due to expections. One has to learn to enjoy the life and be happy with the good things found on the way during the life journey and should not anticipate only good things and when you come across bad things just ignore it.
As our friend Mita said, you should list out how you have satisfied your hubby's expectation. Draw a chart of your expectation and your hubby's and then try to analyse where you have problems and try to rectify yourself first and then you can speak to your husband in a appealing way to convince him. You love your family without any expectation for some days even for a year then you will see how the changes will be in your family.

Dont worry this is all quite common in all the family. Love is the only solution to win this situation. Many people keep their problems with them with no way to vent it. But you have expressed and shared your feelings in this forum and this itself is the stepping stone for your successful happy family life.

My best wishes.

Raghu Raju replied. Try to adjust, Bca's you can't change anyone's attitude. May be after sometimes he may get changed. Wait until the changes take-place. But mean time you should not grow too old. You should anything on time only. Mita replied. Dear friend, please dont get so upset or depressed over misunderstandings. First of all, stop the negative thinking about your husband and in-laws and your married life. It will make you feel worse. I think the major problem is disappointment. We all have expectations from our husbands and in-laws from day one. But when they dont live up to OUR expectations, we tend to think badly of them. Your husband might not be opening up or behaving lovingly because of your attitude and constant complaints. Also try to keep your self occupied by taking up a hobby. It will definitely change your outlook towards life.
Try not to chnage your husband. Take a look at yourself first - how much have YOU changed yourself for him? Try to love him and accept him the way he is and life will be easier for you both.
Count your blessings - you have a sweet child and a considerate husband!