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hi
I have posted my problem ealrier in the forum .I got few good advices also .
Today ,I am facing a clear cut clash between my son and my career.He is 5 and 1/2 yr old .He is potty trained kid .off late he started doing potty in pants in creche.After repeatative scoldings,using alternate methods of positve rewards things did not change.Finally last saturday I took him out in garden .After loads of play he started sharing his view about his bad beheviour at creche.He was accepting that he should not do this but he will stop this behaviour if I promise him to stay back at home.
When I discussed with creche lady she told he is happy here .He plays and runs all bla bla bla.Once she has punished him for doing potty in pants but after that she just scolded him.Now the problem is he doesnot want to go crech any more.he insistes that he needs me more than anything.
I am really in fix now.Sometimes I think i should take visitng faculty job as of now and later on make it to full time job as his school will be from 8 to 3.30 from june.But will i be able to join carporate career bcak again.
One last thing is money .In visiting faculty job i will not be able to get much amount .I really wander aht i should do?
thnaks for going through such a long post.
Kindly advice me .

regards
Shilpa

Saheli replied. Your kid is growing up and in an age where he can understand a lot many things than you can think of. He is also getting into an age where he understands thigns, but not completely. For eg, he knows somewhat about why parents go to office, but he cannot understand why they really need to work and stay away from the kid. At one time the parents are telling him they love him so much, bt then they leave him and go to office .. its puzzling him why do they need to go to office when they love him so much.

One thing that u can start doing is considering the kid more mature than u probably think he is, and start explaining him things but at his level. For eg, explaining him why u need to work and why he needs to be at the creche/day care. Explain him what you guys get after working (probably take him to ATM and show how u can draw out money, then take him to a store and let him buy and let him pay.) Tell him that for a day' s work, u get a certain amount of monney. Make him understand value of money by making sure he doesnt get money minded.
I hv just given an example how to make him understand things. But like this, u wd need to make him understand other things like why he needs to eat food, how it helps him, why he needs to co-operate with the daycare people and what will happen if he doesnt.

STOP scolding him totally. No scolding, no nagging, no pushing at all.
dont be after him for something. Take it wasy, with patience, and by seeing how he is accepting it.

Use this logic ... explain- bribe - scold - punish. But scolding doesnt mean yelling. Punishing doesnt mean hitting. Scolding can be showing him u r angry and telling him with strong words. Punishing may mean parents explaining him followed by may be not talking to him for a while.

So thats in general about dealing with the kid.

Specifically about the problem, i dont think there' s a need to leave job. You just need to work on transitioning it out.

Please read my reply to ' working mom' for her 22m old kid. You too need to do something like that. Your kid is older, so, either he will udnerstand and adapt sooner ... or ... may get subborn and refuse to adapt ... in which case u wd need to be patient and take it more gradually, giving it more time, and do it with love.

Read some articles on net and this site about managing kids, it may help u.

But for sure, I think leaving jon is the last thing u shd consider.
I have adapted similar tricks with my son. He still at times says mom i miss u and stay at home today. So at times, I work from home. But he knows that to buy that expensie hot-wheels set, it is possible only if his mom earns. I hv showed him poor kids. So even if he doesnt really understand the depth, but for desire of his toys and accesories, he agrees to me working.

About potty or anything else, please stop saying anything to the kid. Do not punish him. Its a psychological issue with him, so need to take it with love. Request the daycare lady for the same.

another thing i want u to make sure is how the daycare is. Somehow make sure things are fine there and there' s nothing thats psychologically making the kid feel insecure and want mom.

Lastly, whenever u guys are at home and with the kid, make sure u r spending quality and qantity time with him. BOTH of u. Prioritise cooking, relatives, freinds accordingly.

As he is insisting on ur presence, pls be with him, manage it with office somehow, and see if he says anything more abt problems if he has any. As u hv seen, kids take time to speak up.

Let us know if these suggestions help u.