Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi
i have been recently married and come to a place outside india.
before marriage i knew my mil and fil. my fil is a good person i think, but my mil is a very demanding person and is kind of rude and very possessive about her son who is my hubby.
after wedding i came out of india and thought i am away from india and my in laws wont trouble me.
but it wasnt true. my hubby earns just enough for both of us. we do compromise and manage and are happy. but recently my mil called and wants money from us every month. my husband loves his mother a lot and is scared too of her and is scared of her too. so he will do what she says.
i am feeling bad now. i come from a rich family and am used to all kinds of comforts in life now it will be worse. my hubby hasnt got me anything for neither my birthday nor wedding or anything.
my inlaws also expect my parents to a lot for them.
i feel so bad about it. worse is my mil wants to come and stay once we get a green card which we may get in a year or more.
i am woorried if she comes n stay with us my life will be heelll. she loves gold and wants her son to get her gold al the time. my hubby is too innocent and cant tolerate any truth i tell him about his mother.
i try sitting with him and explaining him but he doesnt understand.
i am fed up now of life.
feel like giving up on all this. but my hubby loves me a lot. thats one thing making me stop from breaking this marriage
what to do please tell me?
should i remain with him and if yes how and what to do of inlaws
i am totally fed up of life
i got an abortion done to because we did not have enough money to raise the kid. we did not want the kid to suffer. all this has made me so depressed.he had no money for kid but he wants to send his parents money. my inlaws are both doctors and are not poor. but mil is very selfish and greedy. her 2 daughters are alos not good. i am fed up of the whole family. i cant even talk to my parents about it i know they will get upset. i dont want to trouble them with the burden of my problems

i am fed up
please help me piyusha replied. Hi everybody, I came to this site today only just to find out solution for my problem reading all this I figured out we ALL are same girls haing the same fate being brought up and educated nicely by our parents,leaving them so far and cleaning dishes here for STUPID husbands and their family.
I 'm 5 months pregannt after many falied 5 IVF's due to my husband being low count.This man has seeing me suffering from past 5 years,GOD has shown its mercy and I got pregnant on my own but still this man is giving me stress in evenry 15 days out of no reasons. I shout cry weap morn and what not!!! WHY????Who in this world is going to make him reaise?? This is not all I have been living with my BIL just after my marriage I 'm sfferening,paining ,working ,cooking and cleaing bathrooms of both ofthese MAMA's boys. And my fault is that I equally care for my widowed MOM back home!!!I call her support her as I don;t ahve brothers..Is this bothering my Husband???I need help if I talk about walikng out it'll make my MOM's life hell..My inlaws are not that bad but when husband is like that who'll be on my side?? All they want is to cook and clean for thm fogetting my MOM.And then when I'm carrying his child he is giving me stress for stupid reasons that
1.I don't talk to my MIL the way I talk to my MOM??
2.I'm more towadrds my sis and her kids as she lives in US and we get to talk daily.
Is this marriage???
He looks least bothered for becoming a father than fulling a big brother's and Son's duties..
I'm equally qualified as he is and I was earning same as his bt the moment I got Pg he made me leave my job taking Doc's on his side that JOB is streesful in pregnanay.
I'm asking all the stress which I'm going through rightnow is less than JOb's??????
Please help me with these INdian men
I hate them all!
Sorry if i'm hurting anybody's feeling. bin'there replied. Sorry to hear about your problem but as you may have judged by the responses, you are certainly not alone. I have been in the same boat; had an abortion; mil wouldn't stop harping about how less her son sent to her ..especially after marriage, sisters support their mother/silent about all this but everready to take gifts from their brother and the feeling that you have to deal with--- they all are a bunch of nasty sickos--and you are stuck with them--belive me I know this and more.

Getting a divorce is an option or not is totally your decision. YOu must weigh how your parents will feel, how are you going to support yourself financially, can you find work easily ... even though marriage is an emotional alliance, one has to think through things with a cool and practical heart. And also, do you want to hold on to this guy who is yr husband. Try joining a course( or auditing for free)in a neigboring college or university, get out of the house; see if yr husband supports it ( that could be a test of how he wud behave in future with yr working/studying).
my advice, delay having kids until you get yr EAD so that you are capable of supporting yrself, if worse comes to worst. If not, raising a kid is not a problem...you can find plenty of resources in the community and kids are the joy and true meaning of your life. Your workload will increase tremendously and again don't think that the inlaw problem will go away..because it won't. Husband will not stop having emotions for his family. But, what will happen is that you will find yourself more and more busy and not focus on how lousy yr in-laws are. LIVE YOUR LIFE..frget the rest. Think carefully, what will make you happy, what is important to you in life...and do just that. working DIL replied. I always thought 'dumb husbands and selfish parents' is an indian scenario but looking at maria's response above looks like its a universal truth. As for abc, talk to your husband in a very practical tone that his primary responsibility is 'his' family and that providing for parents is always secondary when compared to wife and kids. Don't sound desperate - be matter of fact. Bcos hubbies know how to twist and turn and get things they want from wives especially from non-working ones. Can you take up a job? Do you have required visa or education? If you are getting GC in USA you will have EAD at some point. Think of working & being financially independant. Believe me all husbands have much respect for a wife if they are financially independant and have a good amount of self-esteem. All the whining, crying, pleading is not going to help bcos many wives have tried that and failed when it comes to dealing with in-laws. Be tough. Also if your in-laws come to stay at some point you will have a world outside instead of seeing their faces whole day. Don't waste your precious time with stupid in-laws, cooking and cleaning and same shit of 'someone please help me' kind. Another fact - if DILs are working in-laws run back to india bcos they have to do work at home, noone's there at home to entertain them & brag'n boast around, mall shopping and same nonsense bcos the couple is working and have no time. Delay having children if you are just married in last 2 yrs or so.
friend replied. hi,
It does not make any sense in having an abortion because the money is being sent to inlaws.
If your husband is truly in love with you,have a baby and see for youself all the changes that brings in your life.Having a baby will make him realize he now has his OWM family to take care of.It will make him to straighten the priorities.No inlaws would grab the food out of their grandkid's hands for themselves to eat .And if they still remain insensitive the love for his child will open your husband's eyes to finally see the silliness of his parents.
Dont break away.Start a family and fill your home with love. maria replied. Hi there (abc)
i am maria presently staying in UAE. I read your problem and is similar to mine.
I can understand what u r feeling. But there is no solution to this except to adjust with
these things. Its very easy to talk about divorce what then next. Instead try to tell your husband that all this is
affecting you mentally. Even I was very much fed up sending them money every month, which my husband did without fail.
I did explain him many a times but had to loose hope. Now i have come to term with this. I am atleast happy that I am not staying
with my in laws. One cannot get everything in life. And there are certain things which we really cannot change. especially when it comes to husband.
They will do what they have to do. Why should we destroy our happiness. My advise to you will be, be cool all this happens in a married life and divorce is not a solution to it.
And i came to know about this only after I got married. Before marriage evrything was like a bed of roses.


regds
maria uma replied. Hi
Based on such a issue of in laws if all women start divorcing where wud society land?No...all women have problems with in laws ,frictions always develop.
But u atleast have an understanding husband who is good to you.I dont think u are explaining ur stand in this relationship to ur hubby..u need to do that.choose a day when he has time and try telling him what u feel.try help him explain what he is scared of in his mother.Its time he realises the responsibilities of marriage.