Hi ,
I am a married girl (1 yr )and i've avery strange problem.....I dont like my husband when he smiles at the jokes of other women,stares at pretty women,and even talk to them and show extra care.Becoz of this its creating a big problem between us as we always fight on that.
Actually ,my husabnd doesnot do the same with me..i mean he never has time to talk to me ,heis either infront of the TV or computer and even if i force him to sit outside and talk to me I dont know he takes his phone and talk tohis friends (boys)for long and i remain staring at him,or dont even smile at my jokes -he may pretend asif he has not heard or would say oh that was a stupid joke.he always prefer to go to some places with some friends but i want to go alone with him.He will do anything to satisfy them.
If i'll discuss with him about this he will argue and we end up witha fight.
U all tell me wat wud u do if u wer in my place...wont u feel hurt ?am i acting insane?
I know that i am a educated girl ,there is no problem if my husband talks to any girls but wat bothers me is that he smiles at their silly jokes,stare at them and try to show extra care etc...which he doesnt do with me.it happens especially wen we go 4 outing with friends and so it upsets me and my mood goes bad and i dont feel like tailking to him and so i become a killjoy..spoil the outing..nowadays its happening frequently.I am not able to control it.
Tell me what i shud do?how to overcome this problem?pls guide me..am so alone in this US...i cant even tell my parents and even dont want 2 and so am seeking helps from all ladies out ther.Even one thing i noticed is that all those girls husband dont show that care to me .they are happy in theri own world with their wife and my hubby gets happiness by talking and laughing at their stupid jokes.
this is eating me out completely?pls guide me..plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.i'll b evergrateful 2 u all.
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Hi ,
I am a married girl (1 yr )and i've avery strange problem.....I dont like my husband when he smiles at the jokes of other women,stares at pretty women,and even talk to them and show extra care.Becoz of this its creating a big problem between us as we always fight on that.
Actually ,my husabnd doesnot do the same with me..i mean he never has time to talk to me ,heis either infront of the TV or computer and even if i force him to sit outside and talk to me I dont know he takes his phone and talk tohis friends (boys)for long and i remain staring at him,or dont even smile at my jokes -he may pretend asif he has not heard or would say oh that was a stupid joke.he always prefer to go to some places with some friends but i want to go alone with him.He will do anything to satisfy them.
If i'll discuss with him about this he will argue and we end up witha fight.
U all tell me wat wud u do if u wer in my place...wont u feel hurt ?am i acting insane?
I know that i am a educated girl ,there is no problem if my husband talks to any girls but wat bothers me is that he smiles at their silly jokes,stare at them and try to show extra care etc...which he doesnt do with me.it happens especially wen we go 4 outing with friends and so it upsets me and my mood goes bad and i dont feel like tailking to him and so i become a killjoy..spoil the outing..nowadays its happening frequently.I am not able to control it.
Tell me what i shud do?how to overcome this problem?pls guide me..am so alone in this US...i cant even tell my parents and even dont want 2 and so am seeking helps from all ladies out ther.Even one thing i noticed is that all those girls husband dont show that care to me .they are happy in theri own world with their wife and my hubby gets happiness by talking and laughing at their stupid jokes.
this is eating me out completely?pls guide me..plsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.i'll b evergrateful 2 u all.
nim replied. I can understand the pain. First.. you should have seen if your backgrounds/values/ideas match before marriage. Second, grow up.. be more broad minded. Do you have any idea as to what is going on in this world??? U probably dont want to know and take it from me that ur husband is far far better.
Max replied. Sad....think positively..dont give up...try to improve your personality.....think that:
- You are a very good person, love-able, and caring.. if someone does not give you importance, that is his fault not yours.
- You are confident, you can make others believe what you believe.... you can convey your feelings and thoughts to others confidently.
- One day your husband will realize his mistake of ignoring you for so long..
And avoid being emotional. Make yourself strong. dont be too sensitive to little issues...
Focus on yourself...dont think about your husband's behaviour...
Relationships are made even in hours between two strangers.. but once broken or distorted.. it takes a very long time to get it going happily again..
Max
dc904 replied. this is the common thread i keep seeing here with women's problems. You cannot change him (i dont know how much of what you say is him flirting with other women and how much is all in your head) - either way, you can't change anyone else - only yourself. and you sound like you have no confidence and strength in yourself. you say, his friends are all happily into their wives and your husband's the only one not into you - that sounds like a distorted view to me, but again, i'm not there. i suggest you stop focusing on him and how to make him happy and how to be amusing and funny FOR him and focus instead on yourself - what do you enjoy, what would you like to do with your time - work, hobbies,reading, volunteer work, talking to girlfriends, etc. you sound like a nice girl and i am sure you have a lot to offer, but you need to stop obsessing about him laughing at other girls' jokes - and just enjoy yourself - maybe the jokes are funny and he means nothing by laughing at them - maybe you are trying too hard to make him laugh and like you etc.
pratibha replied. My cousin had this problem. He was good looking and my cousin was also beautiful but he thought he could do better. Other women paid attention to him coz of his looks and all that over smiling.
My cousin lost lot of weight, changed her getup and grew more confident. She started chatting with other men and did parttime work and didnt pay much attention to him. She never stooped to his level and talk to other men.
He hasnt totally improved but my cousin is a totally diff person now.
If talking to your husband hasnt helped then it wont in future too. Just ignore him and his behaviour.
rose replied. Hi,
I can understand your situation. I think you are feeling lineliness when he is at work and expecting the concentration on you if he is around you. If you are a working women, you don't feel this way, i mean you don't get time to think that you are not getting much attention from him. So make your mind busy doing any studies or job.
Max replied. Let me know, if in the past you had some serious matters with your hubby or something which rendered yourself disgraced in his view.
If there is nothing like that...Talk to him in a mature and serious manner sometime when he is in good mood...Try to make him belive that you love him with your heart and soul and can do anything for him..
Also try to improve your personality.. try to appear prominent and different in social gatherings such that everyone admires yourself, your thoughts and your acts. This would increase your importance in your husband's eyes. He would be forced to think that if everyone admires and likes my wife.. why should not I?
If still your husband does not change his style.. discuss this matter with your and your husband's parents.. They can help you..
Max
edna replied. Hi there,
After reading your message, I can feel the pain in your heart. I am unable to come up with a solution for you, I can only lend my eyes to read your message. But I also believe prayers soothe the heart and can somehow aid to change your situation.
2005-08-06
#1
Name: nim Subject: grow up
I can understand the pain. First.. you should have seen if your backgrounds/values/ideas match before marriage. Second, grow up.. be more broad minded. Do you have any idea as to what is going on in this world??? U probably dont want to know and take it from me that ur husband is far far better.
2005-07-27
#2
Name: Max Subject: Hmmm
Sad....think positively..dont give up...try to improve your personality.....think that:
- You are a very good person, love-able, and caring.. if someone does not give you importance, that is his fault not yours.
- You are confident, you can make others believe what you believe.... you can convey your feelings and thoughts to others confidently.
- One day your husband will realize his mistake of ignoring you for so long..
And avoid being emotional. Make yourself strong. dont be too sensitive to little issues...
Focus on yourself...dont think about your husband's behaviour...
Relationships are made even in hours between two strangers.. but once broken or distorted.. it takes a very long time to get it going happily again..
Max
2005-07-27
#3
Name: dc904 Subject: confidence
this is the common thread i keep seeing here with women's problems. You cannot change him (i dont know how much of what you say is him flirting with other women and how much is all in your head) - either way, you can't change anyone else - only yourself. and you sound like you have no confidence and strength in yourself. you say, his friends are all happily into their wives and your husband's the only one not into you - that sounds like a distorted view to me, but again, i'm not there. i suggest you stop focusing on him and how to make him happy and how to be amusing and funny FOR him and focus instead on yourself - what do you enjoy, what would you like to do with your time - work, hobbies,reading, volunteer work, talking to girlfriends, etc. you sound like a nice girl and i am sure you have a lot to offer, but you need to stop obsessing about him laughing at other girls' jokes - and just enjoy yourself - maybe the jokes are funny and he means nothing by laughing at them - maybe you are trying too hard to make him laugh and like you etc.
2005-07-27
#4
Name: pratibha Subject: suggestion
My cousin had this problem. He was good looking and my cousin was also beautiful but he thought he could do better. Other women paid attention to him coz of his looks and all that over smiling.
My cousin lost lot of weight, changed her getup and grew more confident. She started chatting with other men and did parttime work and didnt pay much attention to him. She never stooped to his level and talk to other men.
He hasnt totally improved but my cousin is a totally diff person now.
If talking to your husband hasnt helped then it wont in future too. Just ignore him and his behaviour.
2005-07-27
#5
Name: rose Subject: hi
Hi,
I can understand your situation. I think you are feeling lineliness when he is at work and expecting the concentration on you if he is around you. If you are a working women, you don't feel this way, i mean you don't get time to think that you are not getting much attention from him. So make your mind busy doing any studies or job.
2005-07-27
#6
Name: Max Subject: Change your Way
Let me know, if in the past you had some serious matters with your hubby or something which rendered yourself disgraced in his view.
If there is nothing like that...Talk to him in a mature and serious manner sometime when he is in good mood...Try to make him belive that you love him with your heart and soul and can do anything for him..
Also try to improve your personality.. try to appear prominent and different in social gatherings such that everyone admires yourself, your thoughts and your acts. This would increase your importance in your husband's eyes. He would be forced to think that if everyone admires and likes my wife.. why should not I?
If still your husband does not change his style.. discuss this matter with your and your husband's parents.. They can help you..
Max
2005-07-27
#7
Name: sad Subject: thanks
Hi Max,
Thanks for the help and guidance.well,we hav fought over alot of matter before..but i dont know wether it rendered disgrace on him.
I am very emotional ..i feel bad for small things and i cry at the drop of a hat..this is also a problem i want to remove but have not been able to.
its not that he doesnt love me but dont know when he sees any other women its like that and watever i dont like him giving importance to any other women than me..wud u like....but those couples are enjoying in their own world ..they mind theire own business then y cant he...i'll definitely improve my personality max but wat i shud do chnge him his attitudes towards women..if i try to be very funny,important in the gatherings he will try to enjoy more and flirt with girls ..which am not able to tolerate..he just want 2 enjoy himself ..not bothered if i enjoy or not..and even if he is in gud mood it will turn into arguement ...
i do evrything to make him happy but am not sure whether that mattres him...i care him like a baby...i hav to tell him evrything to do to me...i dont know wat to say and do but i want to chnge him as well as myself.
If i say about any men the he will say am comparing him with them and will fight...how can i become strong and mke him realise my importance.
2005-07-27
#8
Name: edna Subject: Pray
Hi there,
After reading your message, I can feel the pain in your heart. I am unable to come up with a solution for you, I can only lend my eyes to read your message. But I also believe prayers soothe the heart and can somehow aid to change your situation.
2005-08-22
#9
Name: De Subject: Suggestion
Hi there....
Sorry to hear what you are going through. Though i must say that this is not an uncommon problem. I think that a lot of married couples go through these issues early in their marriage. I think these problems come up because of that lack of understanding between the partners....and that is not your fault. Understanding takes time and unfortunately these kind of problems are the ones that force you to face the situation and to grow in awareness of each other and to understand each other.
You mentioned that this topic leads to fights at your home.
Try to make him understand your point but if you sense that this will led to a fight then STOP discussing. Just tell him that i think this will lead to a fight and i dont want to talk about this any further.
If discussing leads to fights then my suggestion would be that you need to back off completely from showing any kind of reaction to his flirting behaviour. When you are emotional and feel sad then do not speak with him. My intention here is that you should never verbalise your feelings about this to him, since verbalising feelings only leads to fights and to him thinking that you are insecure and other things. Always try to take a step back when you are feeling emotional and back off from the situation - dont react aggresively or emotionally or become sad - just hold yourself back and dont show any reaction. I know this is really really really hard to do but you should try. I notice that if constant discussion about a problem does not lead to a conclusion then discussion is not the solution to those problems. You have to start searching for a solution through other means.
Whenever you feel like this stratergy will make you loose control then just think that afterall he is married to you and if he is really behaving in an obscene way then other people will notice this and start holding themselves back from him and then you will be justified.
I think guys respond more when you communicate with them through nonverbal emotions. When you want to get something across to him then show your displeasure but not in intimidating ways(like fighting or frankly asking or showing anger and frustration). Try to get your point across by pulling back from showing care and by spending more time on yourself and by yourself.
My next suggestion is that YOU HAVE TO MAKE FRIENDS and you HAVE TO KEEP YOURSELF BUSY WITH THINGS OTHER THAN YOUR HUSBAND.
I think we women want our husbands to show care and concern for us and when we dont get that then it is natural for us to feel sad and self defeating and other horrible things about ourselves. Try to dig deep into yourself and understand your wants. Try to go into yourself and change that desire inside that he should respond in a particular manner for you to feel comfortable. Then when you do not expect any particular behaviour then you will feel more free and you will enjoy yourself more in social gatherings.
Other suggestions is that the next time you are in a social gathering then first and foremost be yourself. Make sure that you are comfortable. Talk to people and be friendly. Try to make people comfortable with you. Let them see the jolly and funny you. Speak to everyone....even those girls that you think your husband if flirting with. Next thing is that when your husband is talking to these other women, try to involve yourself in the conversation. Dont feel hurt and sad and back off. Hide your feelings and show that you are interested in conversation. Slowly show your husband that you are dealing with the situation in your own way and that now he is no more being hounded with your problems. He will surely come around slowly and he will help you to deal with it in subtle ways but it may take time. However by that time you will realise that you do not need him to do anything to make you feel better about taking control of your life.
I think it is all in your hands.
hmm.....i know that all this may sound a little abstract to you...and you may not even feel like trying these things and that is ok. However you have to change your perspective about this situation sometime because that is the only way this problem will go away from your life.
Best of luck!
All tips on Relationships
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& Answers to Topic : pls guide me
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All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : pls guide me
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Relationships
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
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RE:RE:female or male sex capsules or some other assesori
grow up
Hmmm
suggestion
Name: sad
thanks
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