Parents of Preschoolers  Discussion Forum

My son is 2 years and 8 months old. We never sent him to any day care or school before. We started sending him to a preschool just one week back. I am staying with him because he is not letting me go home from school. The thing I am worrying about is that he does all individual activities without any problem but he is not doing the group activities like dancing with other kids, playing with other kids etc. Any suggestion what I should do. He is not a shy kid but he did not get enough opportunities to play with other kids.
All ideas are welcome.

Thanks. kalpana replied. hi, everybody!I am your new friend based in uk from last 2 years.I am a student of Early years education, studying and working with age group 0-8.Menu U shouldn't be worried about your son's condition. U should give him some time. It's only 1 week. All chidren are individuals and take diffrent time in settling down.Pre schools are very important for child's emotional and social devlopment. They learn to share and socialisation and its help in boosting thier self esttem when they spend time with same age group. But U should choose a good preschool for your child which have the understanding of child devlopment.Unfortunatly we don't have many people in India who has had proper structured training in this field.
After finishing my training and working here for couple of years, I want to come back to India and wish to open my preschool or proper day care nursery in Bombay. Does anybody has got any clues 1. Best place to open preschool in Bombay 2. Is sombody else intrested in this field and want to work with. Looking forward to hear by somebody. bona&me replied. hi, friends,
i have thoroughly gone through your replies.my daughter will be 2.6 yrs in june `o3 and starting preschool. even the thought of leaving my baby for a few hours depress me.anyway, how do i explain her about what school will be like?(she has never been to a playschool}. do u think at 2.6yrs the child needs schooling? give me some tips please?

bona&me namita replied. hi menu and n
i agree. the teacher is expecting too much out of a child so young. She should be loving and accepting instead of fault-finding. Even I myself am not that prompt or attentive as the teacher is asking menu's son to be!!! A child has to be engaged by the teacher and she has to create interest in him, bond with him for him to be attentive. Even at that point it is expecting too much of a little child.

I also think that you should go with your gut feeling about the teacher. I feel that perhaps you would not even have asked for advice at this forum if you had got positive vibes about the class environment. You would have given your son time to adjust to a new social environment. But perhaps you sensed lack of a very supportive environment for your young child. By the way, i too am facing such a problem with my younger daughter. My older daughter had such nice teachers when she started school that even though she cried in the beginning, she adjusted soon. I saw her blossom from a shy young child to a confident happier kid. Infact when she started out she did not even know the language that they spoke at school. But soon she had picked up such nice things from her loving and caring teacher. Once when i was sad, she told me-\";Dont be sad mummy, I will always be your friend\";. And once when she was 3 and a child bullied her in school, she told the child-\";That is not a good idea!\";. That is such a mature response coming from such a small child. I give all credit for that to her teacher. Whereas, my younger daughter just joined school at 2.6 months. It has been 4 weeks. I dont mind the fact that she cries somewhat ( although she does not cry when i leave her at her friend's place). What bothers me instead is that i dont know if she will get out of this phase considering that i find her teacher aloof and rude to the other kids. What is the probability that she is not like that with my daughter too? I complained to the management and they put another teacher in the room. But you know, it is hard to change a class environment when a rude teacher is already there getting bossy with one and all. So i am going to give it two more weeks and think of an alternate plan.

To conclude, if the child's teacher is not supportive, it is not the kind of beginning you want to give to your child. No matter how acclaimed the school is- you have to choose a school and a class that gives him security. Then when all else is nice, give your son time to adjust and he will do very well.
best
namita Menu Saluja replied. Thanks n and Namita for your kind answers. Me and my husband talked to the teacher about solving this issue and the teacher complained that our son does not look at her when she calls him, he leaves an activity in the middle and he wants to do only what he likes and not what he is ordered to do. Isn't it natural? Isn't it a very high expectation from a 2 years 8 months old kid that he obediently follows what the teacher says? and paricularly when he is coming to school for only 6 days. I am not sure whether our parenting skills are poor or the teacher is non cooperative. What level of discipline is expected from this age? Any inputs will be highly appreciated. n replied. hi there,
My daughter(2.5yrs)started preschool 3 weeks ago.Just like your son,she has never been away from me until now.
I sayed in the room for the first 5 days.She was observing the other kids most of the time and played by herself for a very short time.The teachers in her class guided me during this period.They asked me not to try to leave because the child is not going to observe and get familiar and comfortable with the classroom activities if she is going to be constantly worried about mom leaving.After 2-3days she was playing without crying but was coming to me every now &then.I introduced her to the other kids by mentioning their names,encouraged her to say bye to every one when we left(most importantly to the teachers)and we talked about the teachers frequently even after we got home.She learnt their names and was talking about them.When my daughter saw me and the teachers talk like friends everyday she got comfortable with them easily.I held her in my arms when I talked with them so she could look at them directly amd get familiar with them.(it is not fair to leave a child with complete strangers)The teachers also got on their knees or sat down with her so thet they dont intimidate her.
Then after 3 weeks,when the teachers told me to try leaving her I left her crying in the hands of the teacher.I stayed outside until class was over.She stopped crying after some time,but did not play with the kids.She sat close to the teacher all the time.
I had bought a small new toy as a gift for that first day and I gave it to her when I went to get her back.Now it has become sort of a ritual.She says that mommy will go out and come back after some time with that particular toy.
She still fusses when entering the class but she is adapting very well and is beginning to have fun.
I think the most important person in this situation is the teacher.If the teacher is kind and loving the child will bond with her and be comfortable letting mommy leave.Socialising with other kids will come eventually,but dont worry about that.Kids at this age are more comfortable with parallel play than playing together.
Also make sure that youur kid is not tired,hungry or sleepy while going to school.It is just going to make them more cranky.
Talk to the teachers frequently and get their guidance before leaving the classroom.If the teachers seem capable of dealing with your son gently and lovingly he will fit right in.He needs someone there to take the place of his mom.
Good luck! namita replied. dear menu,
Many child psychologists agree that it is best for the hcild to be with the mother full time for the first years. So it is a great thing that you have done to send him now rather than earlier.

Now may be a good time for him to go to school because he needs to learn to socialise. Liek every other child. But i suppose you know that you cannot push him to socialise. Therefore please do not feel anxious about it. He is just 2! Perhaps you are doing these things already, but i will anyway enumerate them-
1.Don't tell him, go play, go talk to others etc. The school setting is new for him and he will take time to adjust at his own pace. The more you tell him, the more you are making him aware of his inadequacies. Imagine when we go to a party and our husbands feel concerned that we are not involved like the other ladies. What is they keeps convey this anxiety non verbally or verbally? Suppose they start telling us to go talk, go sit with the others etc. That would not be so nice. So, even if your son is not shy, he needs time to open up to a completely new environemnt. LIke i said, he is only 2. Give him a lot lot lot of time. You will see him flower. Give it a month atleast.

2. At the same time you cannot shelter him by being with him all the time. Perhaps you can tell him that mummy has to go home and will be back later. If he does not understand that, hug him to show that you are concerned and love him. But be firm. It will break your heart to leave him crying in school, but he will soon learn to find alternate ways of getting security and thus adjusting to strange situations in life. Now is the time that he is most resilient (even if you think that he is too small to be so resilient) and his emotional well being can take a lot more adversity than you think- as long as he knows his parents love him. So leave him alone in school and you will see that he will learn to manage very well. But you have to let him go so that he can undergo such learning. In the beginning it will start with a few minutes of no-crying and exploring. then a few more minutes of watching other kids, then a few minutes of playing with them . After a few days, he would know what to do and be happy. You have to be firm all this time and convey to him ( by speaking or not speaking) that for these many hours in the day he HAS to be in school. When he realises that, he feels reassured with the routine and knows that you will get him back after school. he will then open up to other kids slowly. Loving our kids does not mean to solve all their problems for them and be with them all the time. We have to let them help themselves. And we have to set boundaries for them ( eg- i cannot be with you in school) and you will realise children feel secure about these limits.

By the way, just to reassure you, almost all children cry in school in the beginning. Some take longer to adjust,some adjust faster, depending on their tempraments. But you also have to make sure that the school is kind on your child- that the teachers are loving and the environment is safe and the child has lots of things to do.