Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

My son is 3 yrs 8 months. He is v hyperactive and talented. He has a terrific ear for music and sings well. The problem is he is v. aggressive. He has been like this since he was v young. I cant stop him from hurting other kids. He pushes or hits other kids generally those he feels are weaker than him and I feel pretty insulted when parents of these kids come and complain to me about what my son has been doing. I have tried and am still trying to do everything to improve his behaviour. I have succeeded to some extent. But i am extremely worried about him. I have a younger daughter who is 1 yr 10 months younger to him. He used to hurt her also when she was a baby. But now she plays with him and also retorts back so it has considerably reduced with his sister. This is all inspite of the fact that we tried our level best to make him feel secure when his sister was born by playing with him and spending time with him, telling him how much he is important to us and to his sister. I am a full time mom to both my kids. His concentration level is also v. poor. I take him for drawing class thinking that at least for a couple of hours every week he sits down to do some nice colouring and drawing. He does it for about 15 minutes. But even there he has started to break other kid's rulers and snatching their pencils and things. I am really at my wit's end. We are a happy family and me and my husband have a good relationship although we have had a lot of problems earlier and he has seen our fights and scenes. Is his behaviour a result of all that ? Someone please help me with my problem. I would be v. grateful. Thanx Rinku replied. Dear Tony S,
My son is 3 yrs 7 months he is also very stubborn & aggressive. He does get into fights. He sometimes hits kids especially if they hit him. He hardly watches TV nor does he like movies. WE have a very happy family no problems other than what normal family has. He is very hyperactive, he hates sitting in one place & gets bored very soon. Recently he has started going to junior KG. He doesn't like there cos he has to now sit in one place & study. He is in CBSE syllabus. Nursery was like a playschool where there were lots of toys & games , but here he is supposed to study. He is good at it but he still he doesn't get to do things his way. I guess what I am trying to say is that nowadays most of the kids are like this only. Some more & some less. My paediatrician tells me that he will ease up on his own. Sure we got to guide & tell him to behave, but I don't think you need to take drastic steps for this. Also your sons behaviour may be little bit inflenced by your problems earlier but since now it is fine, he will also feel secure. Try to spend time together with your kids along with your husband. Include him in your activities. Give them your time & love. I'm sure it'll work out. Neela replied. Hi Tony S,

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that he has watched you and your husband having relationship problems. Different kids get affected differently by problems in the family - I think it is fairly common to see kids \";acting out\"; the anger in the family. Problem is that kids are very sensitive to what is going on in the family (though parents think what can 3 year old understand, right?) So he has been absorbing all that anger between you and now is acting out that anger. One solution to try is to build a \";peaceful family\"; i.e model the behavior. If he is in an environment where everyone is showing love, acceptance and caring to everyone then he will be okay. Also please sit down and think really hard about this - Are you still angry over what happened in the past? Do you keep thinking about it and feeling angry? Is your husband angry about it?

Finally also think of what kind of TV shows / computer games he is playing. Some of them may be violent (including movies) - he may be learning form them so please cut down on these and replace them with nice, sweet cartoons and good stories of little kids playing with their friends etc.

Hope this helps, good luck, Neela VB replied. Hi,
Try Reiki for a solution. Reiki can cure your son's aggression.I don't feel he has learnt this behaviour..some kids have a lot of aggression in them and they are born like that...their aura will have a lot of red color.red stand for aggression. Please consult a good reiki practitioner..i am sure this problem will be solved..
cheers,
VB