Relationships  Discussion Forum

I m a working mother of 15 months old daughter. i live with in laws. they take very good care of her durng my office hours. The prob is that whn i return frm office she dont feel so happy as i m whn i m with her. she is very talkative and active ( touchwood) but she dont say me mamma instead she says everything else. they never talk abt her mamma before her. after ofc i want at least i want to be wth her as much as i can but they dont let me ..even she also dont want to be with me . evrytime whn i play with her they wud ask her for a ride or tofee so she leave me alone as if she dont recognise me. i cant give so much tofee to her like thm bcoz its harmful.
one more thing worrisome is they are all migrated from village she is also developing that village accent wich i dont want no matter how much i try to make her learn she never take it ..and watever they ( including my brother in laws, sis in laws, thr husbands, their kids etc) teach her she quickly learn. she is getting stubborn and ill mannered ..i never thot my kid wud be so fussy and shouting and so misbehaved ....plz help friends hh replied. i had also the same prob......my MIL has a habit of shouting and using abusive languauge...
i was very clear frm the begining that i will not keep my baby with my inlaws beacuse:-
1) he will be more friendly with my inlaws bec he wd be spending more tm with them and in the eve when i come back he will not pay attention to me.....

2) he will learn similar habbits of my inlaws... will follow the same irregular eating habbits....
and so on and on.. (there are lot of things which i dont like of my inlaws)

so i put him in a day care when he was 5 months only (along with my maid)...
today he is 1 yr old and look fwd to meet me in the eve and doesnt allow me to be out of his sight in the eve for a single moment.....

at the same tm at creche he is in a company of his own age grp...

ya i had to face lot of prob bec of my this decison ... but i was very clear what i want...

and for u it will be very diff to take this step.. so i suggest u to wait for another 5-6 months and when ur baby turns 2yrs.. put her in a good play school... and look where DAY CARE IS ALSO AVAILABLE...
and convince ur hubby that they will involve baby in lot of activities and baby will be with her age grp...

and she will forget that village accent and miss u whole day and look fwd to see to in eve...

gd luck

bye
saheli replied. what is your exact problem and what is the solution you are actually looking for?

i m sure you know that everything you/we desire in such matters wrt in-laws is not possible. So what are the aspects you can adjust with, or let go (for example, you can ignore her learning village things but you definitely want to sort out your bonding issue with her, or may be vice versa is your preference).

When things are too complex, actually writing down problems on a paper, writing their pros and cons, and the possible solutions may help as looking back at it will give you a complete picture and u can compare and decide.

As far as my view on baby's attachment to you when you return from office ...
dont interfere in the bonding betn grandparents and kid. Instead, increase your bonding with her, so that she gets love from all, and she too loves all.
Spend quantity and quality time with your baby. Do it when u r at home by playing with her, Take her out on weekends etc to a park and play with her, buy her toy ... make the time fun time when u r with her, so that your attmt with her grows.

About her being stubborn and misbehaved, you definitely need to do something. (And m sure you know that it shd be done in a loving way and not yelling ot beating the child) Take hubby's help first by talking to him. When he agrees, ask him to talk to his parents to help you out in that. If inlaws dont pitch in, continue to train the baby hubby and yourself.

Another idea is involving a third person to suggest people who dont listen to us .. someone like baby's teacher or paediatrician or some neighbor aunty. Request such people to help you out by talking to them alone, and they cn inturn talk to your hubby/inlaws when you take them with you on your next visit.

Finally, you need to decide between the goods you have and the bads happening and take a call accordingly.

saheli rekha replied. Remember she is a kid she doesnt know diff between good or bad..and also u r telling they take good care of her u should be glad for that..other way go is u quit your job and stay at home!