Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am 27 yr old and have been married for over 3 years now,living in Virginia, USA. I recollect that i got married just becasue everyone in my family was happy about it and it was a thing to do. My hubby is great person and i respect him a lot. He's brilliant and a very successfull person. I have a very comfortable life here. espcailly if you ask my parents or frineds they must think i have a lovely life.

But talking about it personally things are not happy for me. My husband is a very busy man. He is on travel most of the time and am usually alone by myself. I feel very terribly lonely. I thought if i would keep busy it would help but it hasnt. Bcoz loneliness stikes its peak especially in the evenings where you expect to come back to a warm home and not to a house with no one in it. Belive me staying alone most of days in a month is no fun.
Lately i keep asking myself why did i get married in the first place. I was better alone before marriage than alone now.
I must sound rebellious but honetly i feel awful. Have spoke to my husband and hes sorry that things cant change.
I guess if i had family here in the USA i would have been able to get through with this, but its not working for me.
My husband is doing very well in his life but there is nothing in it for me. I need a walking talking human person that i can hug or atleast see for a couple hours everyday.
My frined suggested that i could have kids but i wonder how. My husband must have time so that we can think of babies. Also i feel worried that when i have a baby it will be worse staying alone and doing things alone.

PLs help me. Any advice is appreciated. LA replied. I don't think having kids because you are lonely is fair to the kids. I'm not saying you shouldn't have kids but I think you should consider having them when you and your husband are ready to build your family, not just cuz you don't want to be alone in the house.

I feel bad that you feel lonely. I go through that at times when my husband is away for even the smallest amount of time so I can only imagine him traveling all the time.

But I would try to look at your future. Marriage can be difficult at times, especially the intial first years when your lifestyle has now changed. There is alot of adjustment to thinking your gonna get more attention from this person than you actually get. I think it might be the same for most women. It takes time to get comfortable. I would ask, is he going to be traveling this much until retirement or is this just a stage in his career? If it is permanent, I would say you have to find ways to keep yourself happy or find ways that he could compromise in order to make you happy. If it's temporary then just acknowledge that this phase of lonliness will end. And for the time being maybe you should consider a job or volunteer work. Try to enjoy the company of those who are there. And maybe get your husband to call you more often or whenever he has the free time just to let you know he is thinking of you, that might help you.

As far as sleeping alone, that is the most difficult. I cried myself to sleep many nights. It kind of helped if I would talk to him right before going to sleep. The days were always easier. If you don't have to get up in the morning too early, keep yourself up an your mind occupied with movies or reading or even fantasizing about anything you wish, until you are just so tired you have to fall asleep.
And feeling like you want to give up because of the lonliness and esperation is normal but don't give up for such a reason unless there is no end to feeling that way.

I hope you find peace within yourself during this time. Good luck to you. sister replied. Dear Melody,

I can understand how you must feel. Although earning a living for the family is important, it must not take over your life. I think you must analyze your life and set up priorities. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. (He will not be able to know this unless you communicate your issues to him). You are married for life and unless and until you send time with each other, how would you know each other better? Unless and until these issues are resolved please DONT have a child.

Raising a child is NOT ENTIRELY the responsibility of a mother. Both the parents MUST be involved in raising a kid. If your husband is not going to be around, you will be stuck without any help to raise a kid. (I've observed a lot of children and their parents and trust me althouth the kinds are angels you will need all the help you can get).

I don't know if you knew your husband before marriage. If your marriage was arranged, then spending time together with your husand is very important because it only then that you both can get to know each other (your likes, dislikes etc). It is only after you get to know the person that you get attached and love them. See if your husband can get another job that does not involve travelling.

Also as your kids are growing up, they will need a stable father figure in their life. Imagine having a 5 year old child who will hardly be able to see his/her father.

Most importantly, none of the people who give you advice know about your situation (including myself). So you must consider the advice that other people offer and think if it is right for you. Nobody is a better judge of the situation but yourself.

Remember, this is your life too. You get married to making your life better, not worse. Women should not need to sacrifice their happiness for any relationship. You have the right to be happy!

Sister
archie replied. Dear Melody,
As said by \";it your friend\";, it's true that men have got to put lot of hours to maintain their jobs and sometime if job needs then travel a lot. Certainly girl who was accompanied by friends and family member back in India would feel lonely.
However, it's time to realize the truth. Believe it or not you are married and that too for life. You need to digest this truth that will help you a lot while trying to get over your loneliness feelings.

As said by \";it your friend\";

I think you can start thinking on planning for baby. You will hit success and after your baby is born you will be much more occupied.

Studies, reading is great idea to keep yourself up todate and also mind busy to keep your loneliness thoughts away.

To make marriage successful you need to be understanding towards your spouse. Although you don't feel comfortable being alone try to enjoy with him whenever he is home. He will try his best to spend more time with you whenever possible, I am sure he is not travelling because he want's you to be lonely. Some nice food, good movie/music and intimacy while he is around would make him feel living in heaven.

If you live in big city then there would be some places where volunteers can work, such as library places. Go there and spend time while at desk. This will keep you busy and thoughts of loneliness far.

It's natural that Indian girl coming to US after marriage feels lonely especially a girl who must have been either accopanied by friends/family or involved in doing job/activities.

Archie It your Friend replied. In the modern global world traveling is one which kills every men and taking care sweetheart is becoming secondary. Believe me, lot og guys are just become like a robot in order to secure their job and no company in the world is doing humane management in this regard, especially to indians.

You would n't believe.. one of my newly married friend got tight schedule the moment he landed in singapore and he used go home very late. Being a human I can understand what they need, but the project didn't allow him which lead her to cry a lot. Fortunately they got baby and she is engaged now.

So
1) plan for baby
2) eradicate the dream of walking and talking with him every day. Please enjoy when he is around.
3) Try to do some studies which will make you busy always.
4) please never ever show this upset your hubby, instead talk to him politely so that he can understand your feelings..
5) Pray god to make him stay with you longer. You know what? Astonishingly this works lot of time. So please give a try...and beg almightly(don't laugh, It saved lot my friends family problem)

This all I can say you my sis. May god bless you.
NiceAtHeart replied. Hey i know what u mean....my hubby travels too.....A lot....it was kindaa funny reading your post in a way...Only that i deal with this very differently

You have to realise one thing...leave this rosy romantic picture of husband off your mind....i mean live life as you lived when you were alone earlier...He is having a good time so why are you sulking and wasting your life. Do all that you like to do.....belive me... get it out of your system that you have to do things inorder to keep your mind busy and not think of him.....but you have to do and like things that you do just to please yourself....
he is busy and he is happyy...so go and do all the excitng things you want to do too...forget that you are married and all...

I can understand one can feel blue nevertheless...but its got nothing to do with being alone..

if you ever care for a chat my yahoo id is df77104

cheers