Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi evrybody,
I am a recently married woman.my husband's parents demanded a lot of dowry- 1 kilo gold, car and cash in lakhs.just for my happiness my parents agreed to this marriage and managed somehow.aftr my marriage my in-laws gave my car at free of cost 2 my sis-in-law (married).i dint say anything.but know they always ask my husband to pay for its insurance etc.i feel very bad .i feel since its now their car they should pay insurance y the hell my husband should.but i cant share my feelings with my husband beocz he will get angry and shout at me like anything.he is dominating type.u tell me do u agree with my feeling (paying insurance )?am i right?should i discuss with him?if yes how?

my second problem is that since v r newly married couple v should move around 2gether evrywhere.but he doesnt like that.he always want 2 spent evry holiday in someones house ,or wer evr v go he accompanies his frnd.i want 2 spent some time with him alone but he disagrees and again ther is a fight.and then he wont talk and i cry and he atlast says go back 2 ur mica( mother's house).he tells am in a filmi world am very much influenced by films thats y i xpect all this things strongly.is he right?

pls suggest me the way i should convey my feelings 2 him?i try 2 discuss silently but also its like hell.

pls give me some tips .i am very emotional i cry esily and wen he get angry 4 his fault atlst i also get angry with him?

pls whoevr reads this letter pls drop a line or two?guide me if i am wrong.i will b grateful 2 u all. Anishkaa replied. Hi There,

I guess i have gone through the smae situation like you, ugly in-laws, dowry demands... etc and in this case u really want your husband to be understanding, protective, loving caring. But I guess it really doesnt happen so soon, every thing takes time ... we feel hurt by the smallest of actions, but also we need to realise marrige is a compromise, and one has to understand and be as patient as possible.

I started fighting, crying but it didnt solve anything, but things really changed when I started working - firstly in-laws and husband were happy as money was coming in the hse and secondly i had something else to think of and talk about, some where else to divert my thoughts, trust me it made a great difference and eventually it changed everything. I am now married for one year and things are much better.

Love grows with the passing day, understand yr hubby, talk to him, express your opinion but never force it. Try it for sometime with your in-laws, but forget it if it doesnt work, as it never has since time memorial.

Its your husband who is t most important, work on your relationship and this can happen only with time, give him time to understand you and vice - versa

Good Luck
Be patient and keep faith
swati replied. Hi,
It was sad to read ur story. I am also recently married and I can very clearly understand what it feels like. Its vey true and we all have to accept that movies have a great influence on us. Almost all girls get a rosy picture of married life specially the very initial stages of married life on watching movies. We all develop fantasies about how our married life shud be and hence start expecting a lot from our husbands. I donno if they too develop such images abt married life or its just we ladies. but what happens from this is that when our husbands are not able to give us what we had in mind we r dissappointed. even a very tiny thing brings in a lot of depression and fights between the couple. So my advice to all unmarried women please don't have great expectations about ur married life...things don;t change overnite and just becoz u r newly married won't change everythng under the sun for u. My advice for you sweety is
u have just entered into this man's world....try and slowly get close to him..don't try to interfere in their family issues now itself. This is not the right time for that...u have to get him to understand u and love you to the core. He has to realise that u are an important partof his life..this will take some time to happen...once u achieve that then u can tell him things u don;t like and Iam sure he'll value ur words. Don't demand too much from him...if u get sad over every small issue and start cryin g often in front of him then he'll not have any respect for ur tears...it'll be like yet another thing for him...try not to cry in front of him...at times u'll have to control ur emotiions and not let ur husband know abt them.
Hope this helps.
Wish u a good married life.
j replied. i would suggest u to be strong, thats the only key dear, unless and until u show to people that u r strong and dont care for their words which hurt u, u will be happy, never cry in front of u hubby, never ever, dont take too much interest in him when he does not know how to keep u happy, dont expect too much from every one even ur in-laws dont expect anything from them, ie their care, love etc, make ur own career and earn ur own money, go out and learn thinkgs u will forget everything what happens at home, in every one's family there is one or the other problem, no one is perfect, we have to be strong N replied. Hi There!

Its bad but u can't change anything if u talk to u'r husband who already thinks u live in filmi world think what his reaction will be.

I faced all this and please make it point from now to look out for u'r self i mean do what you like make a career or do something just don't expect anything i know it looks ridiculous to write but beleive me by doing this u r helping your self long term . expecting things from such men is useless u'll hurt u'r self more expecting them to understand u'r feelings however Genuine u'r feelings are,stop hurting your self by crying.

Look out for u'rself lead u'r life.Leave him alone he doesn't mind paying let him pay.if he has any brains which ususally they lack he'll understand.

Good Luck!