Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Friends,
Here is the story. I am really worried about it a lot. My 4 year old son behaves very cranky/stubborn some times(Many a times). To add upon that, my husband doesn' t have patience at all. My son is rough also i.e. the way he handles things Etc.
The problem is with my husband handling my son' s behavior. If things go worng from my son' s side, he just beats him like anything and he screams in high pitch at my son. I am totally against this act. The other day, when my son pulled out my husband' s chain(while playing), it came out with hook expanded. Just for that, my husband beated my son a lot and he had taken a bat to hit him. I just had to put all my strength to push him back. Telling my husband softly when he is angry doesn' t work out at all.
I have tried explaining my husband about consequences due to this behavior many a times. it never helped. I know, he has to work on his anger management. But he doesn' t accept it. His ego comes in between. Infact he scolds me a lot, saying i am spoiling our son by supporting him and not beating him. My parents never used to hit us. Though we used to behave cranky when were small, we became very good children with the time.
I am not sure, how is my husband brougt up. He wants to have full control on the kid. I have explained him offline very softly. It never works. Some times i protest by not talking to him for few days. But no effect at all.
My son can be easily managed just by raising voice. But, my husband gets so much angry that, he doesn' t have control on himself. When i went in-between to stop beating my son, i too had got some beatings accidentally. It was so painful for me. Just think of the impact of it on my son! That makes me feel so bad.
Very recently, when my husband beated my son, my son was saying, Amma lets give police complaint and they will take pappa and put him in jail. I don' t want such kind of clashes to happen at home. Don' t know who will understand this.
If i tell some elder person to advice my husband, i am sure things will worsen because of his ego.
When he is not angry, my husband is very nice to the kid. THey play nicely and spend good time together.
While getting his homewok done also, if my son makes mistakes, my husband scolds, beats the son.
I feel very sorry for my son and cry some times for the way my husband handles him.
Please help me to handle this........

Please help me and give suggestion on how to handle this.
HappyMom replied. Try to show your husband few articles or a movie on child abuse. That should impact to his behaviour. Is he the same at work? Guess he is showering all his temper at home. But don' t allow him to continue this for long, it will really be a bad impact on your son. He will never forgive his father when he grows big. Make him understand that. Leelee replied. Honey, you need to be strong for that baby & you!! Get out!!...I know, so much easier said than done, but your son should not live in fear of your husband. He needs to get some help for his anger. I' m assuming he was raised by getting beat so this is what he knows. IT DOES NOT WORK & YOUR SON MAY GROW UP THINKING THAT THIS IS OKAY & DO THE SAME TO HIS CHILDREN! I wish I could personally talk to you & hug you, sounds like you need someone to understand & be there for you, not to critisize you for your choices. Get STRONG FOR YOU & THAT BABY & GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! Find a friend or a close family member to talk to when you need a shoulder to cry on!!! Raj replied. There is nothing to worry about. I hope Your husband is expecting too much from your little kid. If possible ask and persuade him to do PRANAYAM. This will solve all the problem. Regarding Pranayam U contact me. Priya replied. I am sorry you are in such a situation. My heart breaks for your little boy. Your husband' s behavior borders on child abuse. As a mother, you are responsible for your son' s welfare. If you don' t stop it now, you will regret it in the furture or if your child becomes injured. Your son will grow up to have no respect and love for his father and a grudge towards you for not stopping it. Besides my bigesst concern is the physical and mental welfare of your son - the real VICTIM. Please summons up courage and protect him. By writing about this it shows your heart and mind is in the right place. Do what ever is the means. p replied.
Hi
Dealing with kids tantrums is a part of life. most of us as parents do get irritated with kids at times. but to what extent is the problem
in u r case u r child is going to grow up to hate sucha father and by not doing anything u r to blame partly
by what u have written i think u r husbadn badly needs phychological couselling. since he s not going to agree just like thatt u have to take someone that he is close to into confidence
his beaviour is going to destroy the entire fabric of your family life otherwise.
be brave be strong for u r son' s sake.
learn to put u r foot down
rem that u r husband is behaving this way either due to his upbringing or due to some deep rooted insecurities
also if its possible, try and video record the way he is beaving with u r son
show this to him when he is in a good mood just so that he realizes his own behaviour
take care Afriend replied. Being nauthty is part of childhood .there is nothing strange or extrordinary in that .Some kids are naughtier then others but they learn with time .We have to patient and strict with the kids but beating it is a big no -no .
And what ur husband is doing is just atrocious .Ur kid is small right now but do u realise as he will grow up he develop hatred for his father and he can go to extremes to take revenge .Such kids grow to become very wild they can never be normal .Ur husband has to understand this .
Secondly anger dear is ok but to this extent?? i feel ur husband needs some counselling and psychiatric treatment .Please quickly act with help of ur trusted family members before u totally destroy ur family life .
I know one neighbour of mine who has had the same thing .He moved to hostel for higher studies took a good job and did not allow his parents to come to his house bcoz said i do not want mess for me and my family plus i cannot forget all that was done in childhood .
C dear rem. one basic thing like for evry plant the base is the root of the plant if the root is strong so will the plant & if root weak then the plant will be weak .Same is with humans our childhood is the base of our personality & if we give such bad childhood to our kids then we are totally destroying their personality .
Take a serous note and act upon . Geeta Nair replied. Hi, you are in trouble. Not only you, both you and your son. You have to confide this matter to some elderly person in your or your husband' s family or you can take help of any person whom your husband trusts. For e.g. your family doctor or your husband' s best friend or anyone like that. If you don act immediately the situation will be worse. So don think just do it.