Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi everybody,
I am 24 and got married 8 months back .Before marriage i always wanted to get a job by hook or crook but before getting a chance i got married.iIhated software jobs though i have done my masters in that area.After marriage my hubby insisted me to do some software course which i totally hated and though for his happiness i tried to do i didnt do it properly and completely.actually he married me keeping in mind my qualification in software field as he wanted me to work with him in US in same area. after 5 days of our marriage he went back 2 US as he didint have enough leave.i coulDnot accompany him as i didnt have passport ,visa.so it took me 4 months to stay bak in India with his parents.his parents were ok till i went to my parents state 4 passport.everytrhing changd wen i came back.they started showing their true colours.My MIL used to fill my mind with poisons regarding how bad my FIL(who is my mother's distant brother)is and at the same time she used the same technique with my FIL and poisoned against me.mayb they nevr thot i will get passort and visa sson and i will fly to US soon.becoz they were trying to go toUS but 4 some reason they wer not able to.
i was not at all able to concentrate in my course but my hubby used 2 insist me like anything .i wanted to b with him as soon as possible but he wanted that i shuld come 2 US after completing my course only becoz i was really fed up.if i used 2 say anything 2 him he used 2 say he is already having a lot of problem himself and i was aggravating that.somehow i reached US.

After coming here he stared again forcing me to do something -any course or join college.i dont know y after marriage i have got staganated i dont want to work now especially in software nor want to do any masters in college i already have one.He is forcing me like any thing.so i tried 2 do something but i dont get any concentration.he always make me feel that i lack something and i am dependent on him.aboveall i got failed in written-driven exam and it really shook me,my confidence.now i dont even feel like writing it again.i just missed by one mark to pass.it was really a blow for me and him.
whenever he is in tension i try to advise and relax him but he makes me stop by telling that wat have you done for me?wat do u have to advise me.

u know we accepted this proposal as they wer our relatives but they played with us after fixing the date they demanded for heavy dowry and they started threatening my dad .my dad being a sober person didnt say anytrhing in return and so i told them directly that i dont want this marriage but i liked this boy becoz before marriage we used to email and i was impressed wth his likes and dislikes .so i wanted him to be only my hubby.so just 4 my happiness my parents agreed and gave them a heavy dowry-i kilo gold,i maruti car,5 lakhs rs.my dad is having a debt of about 5-6 lakhs till now.now my ILS gave my car to their daughter.all this really bugs me.Ih hate them.My MIL said recently to my hubby that they want to come here .so next year they will be here.

I really dont want to work in software areas as i can see my hubby's stressful life.he hardly GETS time 4 me.i think during early periods of marriage especially before 1 yr of married life couples try to spend most of their time together.but my husband is always busy with his work .he comes late from office one day at 11o'clock he came.after coming also he sits infront of the computer .he says it is his first wife.even during weekends he would hardly like to be with me.once we wer going somewhere and his one fiend told they are comin to visit us so we went back.it really hurt me as i told him he would have told him that we are out and v can meet some other day.but he never listens to me.
its been 5 months but i havenot gone to c any outing with him alone except to a businesstour.even for that he was not so interested to take me with him.i coulnot imagine how i would leave her alon so i cried and made him to book 4 me also.besides he has lost interest in sex also.i often plead him.he makes excuses telling he is tired (he is ofcourse having a lot of work)etc.but i can see him sitting upto 2 or 3 oclock infront of that computer.we argued a lot for all these matters but he never seems to understand me.he shouts at the top of his voice and in the end of every arguement he asks me to go back to my parents house.theres a lot of problem interconnected .....am a very sensitive person i cry very easily .i sometimes feel like killin myself but u know if i will do so i will be killing my 3 more people -my parents and my brother.THEy r half-dead becoz my brother 's wife ditched him for her childhood boyfriend.i know in my family we have never harmed anyone.dont kno y all this happening to me only.i dont c a way out.
Recently i came to kno my husband who is only 28 is having diabetics,cholestrol,blood-pressure,asthma.He says attimes he would have never married becoz of this.but i always comfort him.but he uses this in every arguement saying evrything is finished .he tries to emotinally-blackmail me.he says he is not having enough time etc .i am so worried that i cant say.
he is not having any savings also .he is sad more becoz he has not done anything worth for anyone and he wants to do it 4 evryone and i said atfirst try to save for our family,our future but.....he says becoz of this only he wants me to have a job.so that i can support myself.He always says that he wants to be a millionaire.
though i always try to make him happy i frequently lose my control.i cant share any thing with anyone.wat i sholud do.life is like a hell for me.i always used to be a troubleshooter for everyone but now i am trapped in so many problems that i am left alone ,noone to help me.

i told him that we ill consult a psychiatrist but he denied.
nowadays his one of the childwood frnd got an apt near us .so during weekends he tries to entertain him.were ver we go he takes him along us.i should alway make bf,lunch or dinner for him.so we argued this also.
if he has so much concren for his frnd thenm y not 4 his wife.i just want him to spend some time with me and that also alone.i dont weant him to run after money.we argued so many times but he never understands.

he never listens to my suggetions.watever i say he just does the opposite.tell me wat should i do?
i know he loves me .he keeps on telling that .but i really dont understand anything!pls help me.i would never like to share anythinhg bad about my husband with any one else but it seem to be out of my hand.my married life is at rocks.

i feel helpless .pls help me.i dont know whether am able to make my problems understand 2 u all..i reaally dont kno wat to do.

can i expect help from u for this lifeless girl. rose replied. my hubby is working in gulf country.He promised to take me with him before marriage but didi not do so.He left me alone.He does not talk when he is in forgien job he always fights for some issue before leaving and but when he comes back he is with me .but gets angry and fights with often.Particulary there is fight becoz he leaves me.Now i have doubts on him
if he really true or something wrong with him.Now three years since married.
Same thing going on .My mohter in law
is another problem.i stay with my parents onlly.Pls help dil replied. mp,

now you are in the US. If you dont find friends around you are going to get into depression. Better join a course. There you will find many friends, indians and americans. You can get to know their lifestyles, have fun and you will also get some motivation to study. I know being newly married you would have dreamt of spending time with your husband, cooking for him, going for movies, etc etc. But once you join the course, I am sure your husband will come closer to you. Dont worry too much, all this happens in the beginning. You are still in the stage of getting to know each other. Even I used to grumble and fight with my husband and thought he was greedy. But its two years now and I am going places. My husband too would call somebody to accompany while going anywhere. And that would make me very angry. I can say the first year of marriage is sort of shaky. You need a lot of patience. Ofcourse later also you do need, but in the first year its a clash of preconceived ideas. So relax, everything will be fine, once you start going to the course. And once you are student you can get contacts thru your professors and surely get a job. Also, dont speak anything about your ils to your husband or to your parents. All the best. nn replied. hi MP,

u told ur whole story.

to my opinion, u r capable to know how others character is.
u know everything,about your hubby,dads debt and etc etc.

as of u, u r standing strictly that u wont go for a week. like that think that ur husband is very busy with his work.see husbands has soo many tensions in the office.

then y dont u change your mind and concentrate in trying any job here in US.

once u get into a job and start earning, then your lifestyle may also change.

so my opinion is dont waste your time and try to settle in any job as u like. niyathi replied. hi,

i read ur story, hey first of all congrats for ur new married life, even i m married recently, what i would suggest u regarding ur career would be is , it would be better if u get into a software job dear, u have ur masters degree and u say ur hubby has not done savings then its time for u to act dear, and ur hubby is also supporting u in this matter, u should be happy for that in many cases even though hubby does not save money they order their wives not to go for work, at least he is concerened about the finanacial future of u, i would suggest u to go for software job only,

and regarding ur sex life, everyday i dont think u can accept to have sex , but atleast outof 5 days of weekdays 4 days of sex is good and during weekends u can have twice a day sex, cos we are doing it, atleast one day a week my hubby says he is tired, and we enjoy sex during weekends a lot whole day,

and i would suggest u to go for software job earn money and help ur parents to clear all their debts dear , plz
when u have the capability plz dont sit idle at home it makes situation even worst.
if u want my mail id
swwetniyathi at yahoo dot com