I have read your suggestions in this website,and I really appreciate it. Now I really need your help. Ihave a 6year old daughter and a 8month old little daughter .We live in U.S .After my parents left for India we have been struggling with our littleone. She doesnot sleep properly. as soon as we put her in trhe crib or after 30 minutes nap she gets up.That happens twice or thrice the whole day and she will be vey fussy. after putting her to bed in the night , I will start doing work and serving dinner helping the elderone with homework Dun! she gets up after 30-60 minutes and I have to sit till 11 or 12 o clock in the night, leave her down and she starts screaming .We have tried Ferbers method every thing No use;Iam not even able to give time to my elderone. She has enjoyed all my love and attention for 6 years and now she is becoming moody and short tempered and dull.Fortunately she loves her sister but has started saying she is missing those days without the littleone.I am really scared and upset ,at times Ireally feel bad for having the second one(TOUCH WOOD). My husband is very busy and he co-operates , but we dont even talk for 10 minutes per day. I am really becoming mad . please suggest me something, as I have to balance eveything now on perfectly.
Top
Subscribe to this conversation
Reply Anonymously
Hello Hetal,
I have read your suggestions in this website,and I really appreciate it. Now I really need your help. Ihave a 6year old daughter and a 8month old little daughter .We live in U.S .After my parents left for India we have been struggling with our littleone. She doesnot sleep properly. as soon as we put her in trhe crib or after 30 minutes nap she gets up.That happens twice or thrice the whole day and she will be vey fussy. after putting her to bed in the night , I will start doing work and serving dinner helping the elderone with homework Dun! she gets up after 30-60 minutes and I have to sit till 11 or 12 o clock in the night, leave her down and she starts screaming .We have tried Ferbers method every thing No use;Iam not even able to give time to my elderone. She has enjoyed all my love and attention for 6 years and now she is becoming moody and short tempered and dull.Fortunately she loves her sister but has started saying she is missing those days without the littleone.I am really scared and upset ,at times Ireally feel bad for having the second one(TOUCH WOOD). My husband is very busy and he co-operates , but we dont even talk for 10 minutes per day. I am really becoming mad . please suggest me something, as I have to balance eveything now on perfectly.
Top
Hetal replied. Hi there !
your parents company has made her feel safety and accompanied all the time,,and when they went,,now your child seems to feel unsecured or as if not taken care of...the love of grandparents is always more than mothers one,,no matter how good the mother is in takng care of child,,,
before your parents left, you should have made your lil one get used to you and your way of things,,and the help of your parents, the transfer would have been easier...
neways,now that is done ...
currently,can you try putting her to sleep once a while with you and thn slowly leave her alone to sleep on her own,,once a while, after you make her sleep, just give her a soft touch like a gentle rub in her back and see if that prevents her frequent wakng up.
also, that your child was used to your parents,,she will take time to realise that they are not there nemore present...
and from 8month old to 15months,,its quite natural for a toddler or baby to start asking for attention and get freq touch from her caregivers..its a phase and will pass on...see if making her sleep with you at night helps her freq waking up.
see if it helps.,,make sure your 8month old feeds well, gets enough liquids and all her day was a regular one..give her a good soothing bath before sleep,,it might relax her.
check the 8month old diet chart and check if hunger is not the reason for her waking up.
now about your toddler throwing tantrums :
your 6year old is not gettng enough attention, mostly because of disturbed sleep of your 8month old and due to that, its obvious that being a mother,,a mother tends to be more caring on the younger one thn the older one !! which often results in toddler comparisn,,and thats just what is going on with your 6year old..
6year old is mature enough to understand that attention or importance given to other child or your unintended ignorance...
assure your 6year old by talking that your 8month old is very little, cannot understand anything and that you need her help because she is a big sister. some kids have njoyed that power that m a big sister and m supposed to help my child..talk to your 6year old and tell her that her importance in your life will never decrease,,tell her that you need her help in takng care of everrything. she will feel the sense of responsibilities..ask her to help you out in daily chores and ask her that she is most important person in family and so she has to be one like Big sister..if she says that she is missing those days when she was the only one,,talk to her that you too miss the days,,and then add the lines like this is your lil sister and that you have to help her out in taking care of this little one !
this will take time, but offer her more and more opportunity in bonding with you, being with you as a part of daily chores and help you out in taking care of younger one and other thinggs. prepare your 6year old as it is soon she will enter her adolescent age and she will have to sooner or later understand all these things...
so why not from now..i know this might seem a bit early to you but if this goes on, she might end up being a agresve kid and might end up spoiling her personality.
make her feel important by concentrating on her activities first,,and 8months old is infant,,at the most he will ask for carrying thats all,,,so carry your 8month old and at the same attend your 6year old like yeah lets do this and that,,,make things around her interesting,,make her join various extra curricular programs, activities,,and such hobbies that might help her get busy..
on weekends,make it a together thing in parks, in activities like drawing togehter,,lets do this and that,,,on seeing all these,,even your 8month old will start getting exposure to all the activities and she too will start learning them !
get your 6year old some tshirts and things that have printed,,i am a big sister and such things that motivate her or let me say divert her from comparing your care to her younger sister...also there are diff summer camps, weekend camps, or activities,,go to gocitykids dot com,,since you are in US, and look for such activities to do with your 6year old..your 8month old will just tag along with you !
ask your 6year old once a while to babysit your 8month old,,like can you help being a big sister playing with your 8month,,while mommy cooks for everyone,,or like lets bathe our tiny little bud,,and involve her in bathing,,also alongwith it,,play with water,,like sploosh and splash,,make it a fun time !!
see if it makes her busy and she feels that she is being told to do something,,and thn talk to her about her day in school went,,how she is doing,,start talking to her,,your daughter is 6year old,,she needs alot of talking,,make her your best friend,,share your funny feelings like when you were of her age, she was so funny and that she is better !! this will boost her morals..
and after all this,make sure that your 8month gets a good day full of activities, and does not sleep after evening hours,,so that she sleeps well at night,,
about your frustration,,remember onething, its hard to be mother. for us, our kids are like our two eyes but it always happens that both the eyes even though function the same way, are on opposite sides of our nose ! which means, for us the only alternative left is,,okay,,this has happend,,so what is next,,forget about what has happend,,remember onething that your moods and your frustration will affect your behaviour (even though you wont be knowing about it, but other person like your 6year old can easily makeout),,and this will start making her grow negatively...so whenever nething frustrates you,,divert your mind from bad moods to something that is happenng good around you. remember onething, being a mother and caregiver for your family,,you are expected to just absorb the frustration,,,and to help yourself deal with it,,just vent out in your morning or night showers(believe me that works ! ),,,
i understand that its all easier when said thn done but these are soft featherlike moments of your life and if you pass thru it with a smile, all the people around you that are looking upon you as a caregiver and are depending on you,,will always feel satisfied ! so handle these soft moments with lots of patience,maturity and dont get mad,,this happens to everyone,,and in future i know its going to happen to me also,,m preparing my toddler(16moth old) to b a big sister ! and i too m gettng ready to pas thru it,,
just that being a woman, i feel proud that god gives chance to deliver, take care of family and thn nuture her family,,only because he thinks we can do it ! so am sure,,he believes that you can do it as well...
so i am sure that you will be able to deal with it. be confident about yourself and control your emotions before they control you,,as soon as you think its going out of your hands,your first step is to look upon your list of priorities and see if something can be worked out !
i am sorry to make this post a longer, but i just felt what you are going thru and being a elder sister in my family and takng care of younger brother,,this is just what my dad did,,when he needed my help when i was 5years old and my mother passed on to coma(in coma, she was in bed for 10 years),,and i feel if my dad(being a father) could do it,,you are still mother and you sure can do it !!!!
so i couldnt stop writing all about it..
i sincerly hope things work out well with you and feel proud that you are given a chance to take care of so many things at a time all alone,,,god makes people go thru the phase only if he believe they can pass thru it ! so a very good luck to you !!!!
2006-12-18
#1
Name: Hetal Subject: Re
Hi there !
your parents company has made her feel safety and accompanied all the time,,and when they went,,now your child seems to feel unsecured or as if not taken care of...the love of grandparents is always more than mothers one,,no matter how good the mother is in takng care of child,,,
before your parents left, you should have made your lil one get used to you and your way of things,,and the help of your parents, the transfer would have been easier...
neways,now that is done ...
currently,can you try putting her to sleep once a while with you and thn slowly leave her alone to sleep on her own,,once a while, after you make her sleep, just give her a soft touch like a gentle rub in her back and see if that prevents her frequent wakng up.
also, that your child was used to your parents,,she will take time to realise that they are not there nemore present...
and from 8month old to 15months,,its quite natural for a toddler or baby to start asking for attention and get freq touch from her caregivers..its a phase and will pass on...see if making her sleep with you at night helps her freq waking up.
see if it helps.,,make sure your 8month old feeds well, gets enough liquids and all her day was a regular one..give her a good soothing bath before sleep,,it might relax her.
check the 8month old diet chart and check if hunger is not the reason for her waking up.
now about your toddler throwing tantrums :
your 6year old is not gettng enough attention, mostly because of disturbed sleep of your 8month old and due to that, its obvious that being a mother,,a mother tends to be more caring on the younger one thn the older one !! which often results in toddler comparisn,,and thats just what is going on with your 6year old..
6year old is mature enough to understand that attention or importance given to other child or your unintended ignorance...
assure your 6year old by talking that your 8month old is very little, cannot understand anything and that you need her help because she is a big sister. some kids have njoyed that power that m a big sister and m supposed to help my child..talk to your 6year old and tell her that her importance in your life will never decrease,,tell her that you need her help in takng care of everrything. she will feel the sense of responsibilities..ask her to help you out in daily chores and ask her that she is most important person in family and so she has to be one like Big sister..if she says that she is missing those days when she was the only one,,talk to her that you too miss the days,,and then add the lines like this is your lil sister and that you have to help her out in taking care of this little one !
this will take time, but offer her more and more opportunity in bonding with you, being with you as a part of daily chores and help you out in taking care of younger one and other thinggs. prepare your 6year old as it is soon she will enter her adolescent age and she will have to sooner or later understand all these things...
so why not from now..i know this might seem a bit early to you but if this goes on, she might end up being a agresve kid and might end up spoiling her personality.
make her feel important by concentrating on her activities first,,and 8months old is infant,,at the most he will ask for carrying thats all,,,so carry your 8month old and at the same attend your 6year old like yeah lets do this and that,,,make things around her interesting,,make her join various extra curricular programs, activities,,and such hobbies that might help her get busy..
on weekends,make it a together thing in parks, in activities like drawing togehter,,lets do this and that,,,on seeing all these,,even your 8month old will start getting exposure to all the activities and she too will start learning them !
get your 6year old some tshirts and things that have printed,,i am a big sister and such things that motivate her or let me say divert her from comparing your care to her younger sister...also there are diff summer camps, weekend camps, or activities,,go to gocitykids dot com,,since you are in US, and look for such activities to do with your 6year old..your 8month old will just tag along with you !
ask your 6year old once a while to babysit your 8month old,,like can you help being a big sister playing with your 8month,,while mommy cooks for everyone,,or like lets bathe our tiny little bud,,and involve her in bathing,,also alongwith it,,play with water,,like sploosh and splash,,make it a fun time !!
see if it makes her busy and she feels that she is being told to do something,,and thn talk to her about her day in school went,,how she is doing,,start talking to her,,your daughter is 6year old,,she needs alot of talking,,make her your best friend,,share your funny feelings like when you were of her age, she was so funny and that she is better !! this will boost her morals..
and after all this,make sure that your 8month gets a good day full of activities, and does not sleep after evening hours,,so that she sleeps well at night,,
about your frustration,,remember onething, its hard to be mother. for us, our kids are like our two eyes but it always happens that both the eyes even though function the same way, are on opposite sides of our nose ! which means, for us the only alternative left is,,okay,,this has happend,,so what is next,,forget about what has happend,,remember onething that your moods and your frustration will affect your behaviour (even though you wont be knowing about it, but other person like your 6year old can easily makeout),,and this will start making her grow negatively...so whenever nething frustrates you,,divert your mind from bad moods to something that is happenng good around you. remember onething, being a mother and caregiver for your family,,you are expected to just absorb the frustration,,,and to help yourself deal with it,,just vent out in your morning or night showers(believe me that works ! ),,,
i understand that its all easier when said thn done but these are soft featherlike moments of your life and if you pass thru it with a smile, all the people around you that are looking upon you as a caregiver and are depending on you,,will always feel satisfied ! so handle these soft moments with lots of patience,maturity and dont get mad,,this happens to everyone,,and in future i know its going to happen to me also,,m preparing my toddler(16moth old) to b a big sister ! and i too m gettng ready to pas thru it,,
just that being a woman, i feel proud that god gives chance to deliver, take care of family and thn nuture her family,,only because he thinks we can do it ! so am sure,,he believes that you can do it as well...
so i am sure that you will be able to deal with it. be confident about yourself and control your emotions before they control you,,as soon as you think its going out of your hands,your first step is to look upon your list of priorities and see if something can be worked out !
i am sorry to make this post a longer, but i just felt what you are going thru and being a elder sister in my family and takng care of younger brother,,this is just what my dad did,,when he needed my help when i was 5years old and my mother passed on to coma(in coma, she was in bed for 10 years),,and i feel if my dad(being a father) could do it,,you are still mother and you sure can do it !!!!
so i couldnt stop writing all about it..
i sincerly hope things work out well with you and feel proud that you are given a chance to take care of so many things at a time all alone,,,god makes people go thru the phase only if he believe they can pass thru it ! so a very good luck to you !!!!
2006-12-24
#2
Name: Lavanya Reddy Subject: Hetal-Thank You
Dear Hetal,
First of all ,sorry for replying soo late. We shifted to a different internet service so it took a while and i did not have access to net.
Now a big 'Thank you' for being soo supportive.Actually when my parents were her she was attached to me very much I used to do everthing except the afternoon nap,the one she used to take on my mothers lap,soo I was so confident that I didnot try to break that habit and OH BOY;I HAD LOTS AOF TROUBLE.I have done what all you have suggested for sleep except going once in a while and patting her, and I did it.It really works. I was thinking I really know so many things about babies as i have handled all alone my elderone from her 7th month , but they are soo different from each other ,many things,almost eveything goes wrong with the second one which were perfect with the firstone that,my mind absolutely stop thinking and I will be mad and behave very badly especially on my elderone.Then feel bad about it and ashamed of myself.,and I remember the way my parents have taken care of me as I am the only one who was alive out of three kids.I longed for a sibling soo badly all those years ,it was my decision to have two kids come what may and now when I really feel that I cannot handle I start crying.
Nowadays I am really improved I think I have started taking my elderone to library and other workshops when my husband takes care of the secondone and eveybody were happy I have started to spend time with my elder dotty when the second one sleeps in the afternoon leaving all my chores behind.Loundry and cleaning can wait, right. SO she will be happy to take care of her sister for 30- 40 minutes when Iwork after she wakes up.By reading together as she has strted reading , it makes her feel proud that she has strted reading stories to mama.She is even very proud that her little sis takes bottle form her after her mother.
I am very sorry to know about your mother, you were just a kid , I can understand now I you are soo knowledgble and full of helping mind.
Yes ; I can do it this time also , you really made me feel confident again. Thanks a ton
With Love,
Lavnya
All tips on Parents of Babies
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Hetal please help
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Babies
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Hetal please help
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Parents of Babies
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
My baby girl is unable to sleep properly due to skin rashes. I have resumed oil massages to help calm her down and facilitate better sleep, using CITTA Baby Massage Oil. Additionally, I am applying the ointment recommended by her doctor for the rashes. Could you please provide me with more ideas that can promote better sleep for her?... - Sanchari Tarafdar [View Message]
Related feeding
My baby not able to get feed becayse of my nipple soure ..pls suggest if i buy brest pump is yhis useful for ne ... - Nisha Nishad [View Message]
Feeding issue
Hi everyone my baby not able to latch he having some feeding problem.im.thinking to buy brest pump which one i buy and is this really works pls give ur opininon ... - Nisha Nishad [View Message]
RE:How to Develop a Sleep Routine for your Newborn
Hi dear this is good to see that you are taking so much care about your kid but then is your kid following this pattern as my kid has a very odd hours sleep and wake up timings and by that we all get affected as my husband is having morning shifts so its very difficult.... - Anu [View Message]
RE:How to Develop a Sleep Routine for your Newborn
Hey dear i will agree with you and will also suggest you to follow this pattern and this is really good to see that you are following such good things, keep posting such good ideas really feeling happy for you and for your kid as well.All the best dear.... - Anaida [View Message]
RE:How to Develop a Sleep Routine for your Newborn
Hello dear based on your post i feel to try to the same in my house and see the results as we are having twins and its very difficult and we feel some times so helpless that we are left frustrated and it happens very often, thanks for the post dear.... - Sujata [View Message]
RE:How to Develop a Sleep Routine for your Newborn
According to me this is good but then you cannot force your child to sleep as per your wish as kids as really bad in this and they have a tendency to sleep in day and get up in late night so according to me this is not the key to success, please post if i am wrong.... - Anita [View Message]
Re
Name: Lavanya Reddy
Family Planning
Pregnancy
Babies
Kids
Teens
Discuss
Community
Find Listing
Videos
More
