Hi Hetal,

i was wondering how come i never had maturity to understand the things you talk about. but i just read about what you have been in your school days. There is no wonder as to why your words give so much of warmth,comfort and assurance to people.

I just read about post delivery depression.i was interested in knowing how long it stays after delivery. i deliverd baby 20 days back.but sometimes i just dont want to breastfeed. i feel exhausted and frustrated. i really dont know what to do.
i am having less bm so i give formula.
will my baby get habit of bottle?

you have always given mature advices to people here, sometimes they are elderly like mom, sometimes like a friend and sometimes like a elder sister. i would like to share with you something about my life.it is in mess because of me or my huby.i dont know.

it was too early for me and my husband to have baby. we were still knowing and adjusting to eachother.i got pregnant just after 2months of marriage. in the first 3months of my pregnancy i was having horrible nausea and mood swings.i used to cry for no reasons. i dont know why i was doing that. i heard it is all normal.could that be the reason that my huby is not happy with me.
as such my huby is a very good man and i feel that i am not able to give him what he deserves.

my marriage life had just started and with this pregnancy i feel that the distance between me and my huby is increasing.
during our marriage we had plans to have baby after 1 year but i got pregnant just after 2months of marriage. inlaws wanted to hear good news so they told us that next time be careful and it's not advisable to remove it. my mother in law told that i will face problems in getting pregnant if i go for abortion.
so we continued with this pregnancy. i always feel that it was too early for us to accept this baby and i think that is the reason i am not able to take care of my little one or my huby properly. is it so ? or this is post delivery trauma ?

mentally i am upset and feeling very lonely. i don't know how to share with him. i have no idea how to approach or talk to him. during my engagement, it was early for me to accept that i am getting married. everything was going so fast around me i was not able to decide.
the dreams i had set for myself were different.i was selected in campus interview and felt so proud that i will be working with one of the biggest firm. i got my results and got grade A.on the day i got my offer letter to join the company, i was introduced to my huby.my parents asked me about the guy, i said he is good, well educated and decent. the next thing i knew i was shopping for engagement ring & date was decided.just after the engagement, i hear that my marriage is in next 15days and i was in USA on 18th day along with my huby.in 2months pregnancy and now baby.

everything around me is moving so fast that by the time i accept it, something new comes up. you will be surprised to know that i don't even know what are his likings and dislikes about anything.during my pregnancy all the time he was busy with his work.whenever i wud talk about something he will talk about his work pressure and i feel that he neglected me.
but he is a gentleman, he cares me for me and makes me comfortable. i don't know what is wrong around me. is it problem with me, is it my huby ?

sometimes when baby is asleep i feel like going and sitting with my husband but i get confused what should i talk to him. so i just take a nap with my baby. he sits alone and watches tv.

my mother in law stayed with me during the delivery and i feel that she always made me feel isolated while she was talking to my huby.but i don't want to blame her because she took care of me very nicely during my delivery. i have no complaints for her but i feel that she made me lonely because she would not talk to me anything other than baby. she will talk to my husband all the time and will play with my baby.sometimes she used to talk to me but it was all about taking care of baby.it was frustrating to hear the same things again and again.

i don't know what i am speaking right now and i am not sure what i am trying to explain here. i feel confused with what is happening to me, i don't know how to react and i feel blank about what to do with baby and my huby.i feel like going away to india and never come back to him. i am not at all interested in being a wife or a mother. my parents and my inlaws are so nice people they love me so much. if i do anything like that i will be hurting them.my huby is a nice person and i don't want to lose him either.
But i will go mad if this continues.

Hetal please help me out. after reading your replies to amrita,shri,saavya and couple other people i am looking forward to hear from you.and i have lots of hopes from you.
i see many posts asking for you so reply me whenever you find time.

whatever i wrote will not make sense to many people here but i dont know how to put in proper words.i only know i need some help. MA replied. thanx.i cnt ask him to help me.he has a very responsible job and sometimes he has to work from home.
my baby cnt feed bottle by himself how can i get rest.
i hope all this is just post delivery depression.
Roopa replied. For Hetal -
U r becoming more popular dear! Not just babies, we hv started looking at you for phsychological support as well!
Well, u stand there indeed, dont u!

Now For Madhu-
I felt very close after reading your mail. Most of us mothers have been thru post-delivery depression and i know how bad the time is.

My (second) baby is 4m now. In first 3 months of pregnancy, i too went thru depression like u and i used to cry a lot, a lot, for no reasons. I will not go thru my story, some of it u might hv read under Amrita_j's posting.

After reading tour post, in a gut of emotions, i felt like coming to u and being with u to help u and support you :)

What u r going thru, is expected, given your new marriage life and new motherhood.

I think you are taking it patiently and trying to solve it with person like Hetal is the best step anyone cd take!

What has happened, cant be changed. Forget it.

Count your blessings, you hv a wonderful baby and a wonderful hubby. This little period will be tiresome for u, at least till the baby starts responding. The early months when mother handles baby like a doll (no response, only cries), is a test of patience.

Just wait till the baby starts responding. He will not only create the bond with u, but will also bind u and hubby. Till then u can follow some suggestions from this elder sister of urs -

1* Be patient. Let the time pass. Divert yourself.

2* Rest - Take as much rest as possible. Let housework go. U need rest at this time.

3* Dont be busy with kid all the time. Take out some time and spend
on urself - shopping/parlor/movie. (Of course, after baby is 1.25 months)
4* Dont worry abt hubby. He is nice. He is fine. U know men dont always understand details of delivery/baby/motherhood. They dont know that u need help and support, they dont know what to do, the best they can do is leave u alone and not trouble u. Thats why ur hubby watches TV.

U know what? U will laugh - I visited my doctor 1 week after delivery for general checkup, with my elder sis. My hubby said, \" can u go to the police station on ur way back to file FIR for your lost driving license?\"

:-) I dint get angry but made him understand why it was not possible.
He apologised.

*5 Spend time with hubby & engage hubby with baby - when baby is asleep, definitely go and sit with hubby. Ask him how his day was, ask him if he is doing fine since u dont get time for him, ask him about current events/latest movies/his likes and dislikes. Talk about name for the baby, ask what he thinks baby looks like ...

Call him to help u out with the baby - changing nappy, feeding with bottle, cleaning potty, arranging clothes, powdering baby, helping u out with the baby ... such things have PROVED to create a bond betn father and baby. If he wont do this, call him and say \" sit with me because i feel good to be with u\" .

Once ur baby starts responding, see how ur hubby will be crazy for baby!

Make hubby read about delivery, post del depression, etc. It will help.

5* Think positive about bottle feeding - Feeding breastmilk doesnt mean being a mother. U ARE giving bm right? Ur supply will increase when u get enough rest and u stay happy. So \" chuck de sarey gum\" .

Bottle feeding will help u gain rest, u can go out for shopping, etc.

6* Early baby is also an advantage - many of my friends hv had baby immdly after marriage. Their kids are now grown up and they are enjoying life with great bonds with hubby! And I am still growing up babies, by the time i become free, the years of youth would have passed away!

Dont worry. WHENEVER U FEEL SAD, JUST POST A MESSAGE. WE ALL ARE HERE, WE ARE WITH U.

cheers
Roopa