hi, mel its seems you helped aradhana in making up her mind to go for 2nd child....
now i need help of both of u...

My husband touchwood is very sweet n understanding person..same goes with my mil...u can imagine i m always influenced with her...other than she is short tempered..when she gets angry its a problem but i just ignore...after soem time she is fine...rest of the family is cool...this is jsut to give idea about my family...
now comes the problem...my husband always wanted to have only one child...whetther its a girl or a boy...i was always against this ..whether girl or a boy i wanted 2 kids...then i got preg with s econd daughter...i have never been so perosnal on this board ..even though we ddnt wanted 2nd one so soon.atleast my first one should have been 5 years....it happend...(i am bit embarassed but try to understand)...but that guilt..or u can say love for my baby i coundt do anything n decided to go for it...even though i was not prepared for it...
till i gave birth everything was fine...i was shocked with other peoples reaction for having 2 daughters....from my tailor to my relatives to almost everyone is telling us to go for 3rd baby for a boy..now this includes my mil too...
my husband n i dont want to go for it...coz its a madness ..coz for the wnat of boy i cant take such a big risk..what if the third one is a girl?...my mil is after our life she says if u want u can wait for few years ..but a boy is very very important....when it comes to heir of your property...bla bla..all sorts of reason she is giivng...u know from past few days somewhere in mind i too want a boyy..this is a serious confession i am making to mel and aradhna as a friend....
even though my husband is an understaning ..practical person..emotionally more stronger than me...he is mamas boy...i know he too will change his mind def ..i will gv u in wiriting...u know that maa ki ichcha .....
i am so scared now...plsssssssssss help..take ur time n tell me soemthing so nice. that i take my decision...
tell me honestly is it so important to have a boy...my mil says who will look after u in your old age...at times i feel like crying but i dont share this feeling with my husband he will slap me...for that ...n its not only my mil many of our realtives ...if you woudlnt have a son what you would have done...?
aradhana u have a daughter honestly tell me will u go for 2nd one with a desire to have a son...n incase if u dont have will you go for 3rd...as a human bieng n more than that keeping in mind about how our society is..tell me... gauri replied. mel...u hv great sense of humour...i will def tell my mil we are trying...lol...
thanks for ur help...y' day again she brought this topic...we r fed up now... actually my sil too deliverd a baby girl recently...i think it has affected her mentally...imagine 3 girls...
my mil is not like others she is bit funny... she loves gossiping mmayb...infact i m sure her sisters must have passed some remarks about us that is y just to shut their mouths she wants a boy...lol...

dont worry i dont think we will go for 3rd child...

to,
aradhana...whatever is ur decision ..pls this is my personal experience..i would suggest dont go for another baby soon...let ur daguhter complete 3 years...health wise its fine if the gap btwn 2 kids is of 18 months ..but when it comes to giving attention...to kids...inspite of having so many people around me it was difficult for me....i felt i was not able to concentrate on my elder one...now its fine as my younger one has learnt to play on her own...handling housework...n babies plus work its very difficult....
i have a train freind ..she went for 2nd one after 5 years of having 1st child..she is managing so well..n my life is become a bit difficult...
my husband n i do our best to spend time with childrens. still we feel so guity that we leave them with others n go to work...
u both are right ...i think we shouldnt go for 3rd... anyways we both dont want a third child..n we have to look after them not my mil,
thanks again to both of u...

the best thing about my daughters i will tell u the elder ones habits are just like mine..n the yunger one looks just like me...i always look at my daughter n remember myself...my childhood..4get it ..i wont go for third...i am happy...raisng 2 is so difficult imainge 3 rd one..no way! Aradhana replied. i gauri..
i was writing an reply to your post yesterday and the power went off.. all thanks to moving to a suburb far away from chembur.. how i miss my chembur :(

Jokes apart, today when i read Mel' s answer.. she had written exactly what i wanted to and basically abt why we have children. Having a child so that u have some one look after you when you need them is so so selfish dear. You are already burdening your child with so much and expecting so much in return.
The question you have asked , i would say depends and varies from indiviual to indiviual. If someone really wants a big family, irrespective of the gender of the people that form it, they can go in and have n number of children cause they want to. Thats exactly what Mel had told abt the 2nd child. And thast when i said.. untill i WANT to have another child, i wont. . I will have a child if me and my partner want one. not because my dd needs company or my family wants one more ,NO.
Gauri, u have u remember that bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility. I am sure u know that and are aware, but we somewhere do not realise that a child untill an adult is our responsibilty. By responsibility i do not mean just financially, to be able to nuture an induvival who has a sound and healthy mind , a strong virtue , an indiviual who is an indiviual and an assest to the society is a huge responsibility. For that u have to really want to have a child and give unconditional love and nuturing , embibe the right values. All this takes effort and time , i do not know abt you but it definately would tire me out.
Today , i do want a second child because i am not sure if i can give my BEST to that child as i did to the first. And thast why i truly respect and admire couples like u , who have taken a second chance and are fullfilling that resposnsibility. However, how many ever children u whant should be just ur decision as a couple , based on ur wants not for anything else esp \" support\" at old age n property blah blah.
Gauri tell me what what kind of support are we talking about.. financial, emotional? Financial security u can build for urself from right now. What if u have a son (or daughter) and he walks out on you.. where is ur security? NO can give u the fnancial surity other than u itself. U can look after urslef, im sure u know that. If its emotional security, then agiain , the gender dosent matter. In fact females offer better support cause we are emotional creatures who get attached.

Yes , u may be concerned that a daughter will get married n go away and ill be alone. But so can a son. There is saying that goes..\" A daughter is a daughter all her life and a son is a son untill he gets a wife\" . I am not taking it away from the sons but u get only what u give in to a relationship. So if u really want a thrid child, and willing to and are up to the challenge.. go ahead dear. But not for the reasons you mentioned.
Gauri, tomm if ur parents need u , will u back off cause ur a girl? I guess no. Infact i guess you will be more involved in their needs.

Another thing abt the girl child. I am from the south of India, wherin ppl would do anything 4 a girl child. Like u r MIL told u abt a son, we r told abt daughters. My MIL had 4 sons and kept trying for a daughter. We believe ki if ur born then ur life is not complete without performing a Kanyadaan. We say that women take our legacy forward. And i have n number of friends who have 2 sons and are craving 4 a daughter. My neighbour has 2 sons and says that Anusha(my dd) is the daughter she always wanted but never had.

U asked me if i would want a son after Anusha: Well , firstly, i dont think i want another kid.. not now atleast. IF i ever wanted a second, the gender of the child wouldnt matter. Thats something i cannot control, i can help myself have a healthy child but i cant help myself or anyone with the gender of that child. Thast a part i wuldnt even tread. Yes, somewhere maybe i wuld want a boy cause ive had a girl but again i wuldnt mind having another girl. Also, the bonding that 2 sisters share is unmatched. Watch ur 2 daughter grow into friends, sharing their clothes, make up, friends infact life. \" Its a girl thing\" . Its amazing , esp since ur 2 daughter are so close to each other in age. I' d love another daughter.

Take care n take time and decide :)
Aradhana Mel replied. Maybe on a subconscious level you have started wanting a boy, simply because you want to be a good DIL and fulfil your husbands and MILs wishes. But, yes... as you said... it is madness. I have seen families with 6 daughters, all because they wanted to keep trying for a son. Don' t people feel guilty ? It' s like each girl child that is born is more and more unwanted, the disatisfaction of looking at them for the first time grows with each subsequent birth.

You are lucky to have a husband who is understanding. And you too are thoughtful... as you want to keep your husbands and your MILs interests at heart. But, I believe you should have a child if you want a CHILD.... not Male child or Female child. They are little gifts from God.

And heir to property is a load of rubbish. Why ? Can' t daughters be heirs to property ? Which age are we living in ? I sincerely believe that daughters are more loyal to their parents, they share a closer relationship with them even through old age. And nowadays daughters take care of their parents, while so many sons go away and live with their new families (wife and kids). Times are changing.

We need to remember: We have kids because we wanted them, we prayed to God for them and God granted our wish. We are not raising insurance policies to look after us in our old age. Our duty ends with making them capable of taking care of themselves and growing and developing.

Mark my words Gauri... your 2 little girls will take more care of you than any son would. Give them love and everything will be ok.

Oh and another thing.... if you have another 3-4 children (and all of them happen to be girls... or girls and one boy), the expense of raising them will be so much that there will be NO PROPERTY LEFT TO INHERIT :)