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Hi
I am the mother of a 13 month old and a s/w engineer by profession. I quit when my baby was born but came back to work when he was 10 months old. But now bcos of long working hours and bcos I am not very happy with my baby's caretaker, I am planning to quit the s/w industry for good and take a part time job which pays me only 25% of what I am making now. It gives me more time with my son but I feel I am giving up my career when all my friends are busy climbing the ladder. Am I doing the right thing? Would really love to know what the rest of you think. The problem with creches near my house is that they are all open only till 6.00 pm and sometimes I need to work later than that.
SUBA replied. hi
plz let me know the part-time job u have taken . i would like to take a job where i will be working hard 10am to 5pm while the kid is in day-care centre and then enjoy the rest of the time with kid VIDHYA BALAJI replied. Hello S,

Which city and location are you in?

VB poonam replied. (Long mail, but i am sure tips will help u.)

I think the answer yo your Q really lies in how one defines his/her priorities. So do that for yourself first.
Then give it time. Try all options and decide when all are closed.

Come on, you are a woman of today and we all women are with you. Try to balance and fight it out. You can do it!

And its never wrong/bad to choose the other option. I feel equally respected towards woman to stay at home and look after house and kids. Because we women know how tough it is, and how beneficial it is.

Take my example: I am also in the same profession as yours, i hv always been very ambitious and have climbed up the ladder well in these years. Today I am at a point where i hv a 3 yr old kid and expecting another soon. My caretaker maid is good, my office is not too far and my MIL also stays with us on-and-off.
So that way, i have very less issues as compared to yours.

Still, i am thinking of quitting this field and taking up an easier job simply because I have re-prioritized things. I am thinking of taking a lecturer's job or joining a \";simpler\"; IT org where working hours are not too long (and package also less, but thats ok)

Reasons 1. Love, care, attention and teaching that a mother can give cannot be given maid. 2. With maid, risk is always there. 3. Kid is my responsibility. I hv brought her in this world so it is my duty to make sure she learns well. 4. I ENJOY BEING WITH KIDS.

My elder sister is a Doctor, has 2 daughters and had a well running clinic. She closed her clinic and started working in hospitals on specific calls. Reason? Daughters are teenagers now, and they said they need her. Three of them enjoy evenings everyday!

What u can do is
- Finalize who will take care of baby: Maid or cheche.
Be ready for trial-and-error with maid/creche and dont lose patience till you find one that you like. Its not a short procedure dear, your baby is just 1 yr old, people have changed number of cheches/maids to finally find a good 1. Dont lose patience and dont lose heart.

- Choice of leaving this job is not wrong. Think long term. But ...... TRY ALL OPTIONS FIRST and decide only if all doors are closed.
Let me tell you from my exp, its just a matter of time. Once baby joins pre-school, his morning 3 hrs will go in school afternoon few hours in sleep. Put him in (very) nearby pre-school when he is 1.5 yrs old. Remember - Things are difficult because he is a baby now. Will ease as he grows up. But yes, u need to take more care when he is a baby.

Now, if you decide to leave software field, dont compare urself with. If friends are climbing one ladder, you are climbing another, of motherhood. Be proud. My 3 yr old asks me to leave job and stay at home and i really feel like listening to her. Anyways.

Some tips on how i manage with maid:

1. Here in delhi, we get 24 hr maids from agencies for 12 months contract. If u dont like the maid, u can get her replaced in first few weeks. When the maid joins, i either arrange for my MIL/Mom to be here for a week or take off myself. I train her and observe her. Mostly, u will know its a yes/no in first 3 days.

2. Then if i decide to go ahead the maid, i plan her day and keep calling/ask her to call up to check things are ok.

3. I give surprise visits to home. I have even watched my maid by hiding around the house!

4. Early days when maid joins, I plan with hubby. I reach office late, around 11 pm and come late. My hubby goes to office at 9 and comes early. This way there is max possible coverage in the house.

5. It was possible on a project that i work on saturdays and take a weekday off. Thus, either hubby/me was at home 3 days of the week. Prioritize and forget parties/relatives/social events for 1-2 years.

5. I have made arrangements to work from home if required (computer, internet connection) and set expectations with my manager.

6. Backup - apart from the young maid who takes care of child, my other maid who does dishes and jhadoo-pocha is also chosen 'specially' by us after long search. She is old (no family dependency), loving, caring. Takes more money but i give her (along with clothes and food at times). She keeps watch on the young maid and stays at home in noon/evenings/night if she other one ill/if i am not comfortable/coming late.
I also keep the young maid happy. Know her weakpoints - mostly it is food, or TV, or shingaar. She is given same food as we eat, all delicacies we/baby eats are shared with her. I ask her to watch TV when we go out. I give her money to buy cosmetics.

hope this helps.
Poonam Sukky replied. I think the root of your problem is the childare facility you have available. If you send your child to creche, is there anyone else -husband, family that can collect the baby if you have to work late? have you considered a nanny?

If you end up having to give up a career that you've had to qualify for it should be because its what you want. - Could you not go part time where you work now?