Fighting in front of the kids affects their self esteem and also makes them emotionally unstable. Here is what you should keep in mind before getting into argument with your spouse in front of your kids.
Having disagreement on one or the other issue with your life partner is the fact of life. However, most of you will admit that it is not a good experience for kids. Therefore, you along with your partner must lay some ground-rules to avoid fights in front of kids.
Fights are a natural part of relationships, but you need to approach it in a healthy way especially when you have kids. It is inevitable that you will disagree with your spouse and argue at some point. It is also unavoidable that kids will catch you both fighting and perhaps yelling at each other.
Recent studies suggest that arguing in front of your kids can create some serious damage to them. Well, it is impossible to avoid arguments and disagreements completely in front of kids. However, you should keep in mind that even though your argument is not about your children, if it is done in the wrong way, it, in fact, may threaten their emotional stability.
Why You Need to Stop Fighting in Front of Kids?
The biggest disadvantage of fighting or arguing in front of kids is that it conveys the message that fighting and arguing is fine, which it is not. It is dysfunctional and it is your responsibility, as a parent, that your children do not see this as ‘normal’. Therefore, fighting in front of kids -
Make them not learn healthy and effective negotiating skills.
Threatens their emotional stability.
Strategies to Avoid Fights in Front of Kids
Nomatter what the issue of your argument is, it indicates that your communication skills are working no more. If this happens occasionally, there is not much to worry about. But, if you fight with your partner often or on regular basis, you need to work out strategies and avoid fighting in front of your kids.
Do Not Participate in the Fight
Fights require at least two persons. So, to stop fighting or arguing, you should leave the place or stop saying anything. Your partner will not be able to argue with you if you do not speak. Although, this is not a solution to the problem, you can find a temporary resonation. You can discuss over things when situation calms down.
After you walk away from the scene, you should write down your feelings and thoughts. This will help you discuss on the matter later on. If you have any recurring problem, it is all the more important to sit down and discuss to sort it out.
Understand Each Other
Understanding is one of the basic requirements for a healthy relationship. Before you start discussion on any matter, it is very important that you understand your partner’s perspective.
Choose a Place Away From Kids
If you know that your argument is going to take long or perhaps get hot, it is advisable to choose a place where your kids are not around. Remember; deal with your partner personally and closely. This will make you communicate in a better way and help you avoid argument also.
Take ‘Anger’ Out of Your Dictionary
If you find that you get angry on silly matters or meagre issues, find out the real cause behind it. Sometimes feelings like fear, anxiety or insecurity overpower our emotions and we get angry on small issues.
Express Your Feelings and Needs Clearly
Sometimes a simple lack of communication leads to a big fight. Convey your feelings and thoughts clearly to your partner. Do not expect your spouse to understand everything without saying. Be articulate and remain calm. He or she may not be aware of your needs.
Find a Solution
Working-out the problem is important. When you are in a long term relationship, cooperation is what matters and not competition. So, if you need to take some time to calm down, take that before finding a solution to the problem or issue.
Fights often occur because of your automatic habit of getting into argument before you know it. The above tips will help you overcome this negative habit pattern that has been building up in previous years.
One of the most important things that you should keep in mind is once your fight or argument is over, you should spend some time together and share a moment of peace so that you reaffirm your bond. This can be done by looking into each other’s eyes for a minute or a silent hug. Make sure you do not fake your make up because children know that very well. You can tell your children that arguments do occur in life, but it is not their fault and you love each other as well as love your children too.
What are the ill effects of fighting in front of kids? How can parents avoid fighting in front of kids? What should parents do if an argument starts in front of kids? Discuss here.
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- The Indiaparenting Team