Parents who fight in front of their
children are harming the psyche of their children unknowingly.
Children are very sensitive so they get easily affected by the fighting between
their parents. Read on the tips for being a good
Khanna says, "Both me and my husband are quick-tempered and our fights
regularly escalate into full-fledged shouting matches. But somewhere at the
back of our minds we know the drill. The fight is bound to blow over once we
have given vent to our anger and things will go on as before. I only realized
recently how our constant arguing affects the children when I found my
8-year-old son Rohan huddled under the covers bawling after one of our fights.
He had overheard me telling my husband that I was fed up and wished that I
could get away for a while. I had a hard time explaining to him that when we
are angry we often say things we don't really mean."
couple will tell you that marriage is no bed of roses. It has its ups and downs
like any other relationship. Fighting and making up is all part of the game.
But parents often forget that they are parents when having a battle royal with
their spouses. They are so intent on shouting down their spouses, making their
respective points and saying hurtful things that they overlook the fact that the
fight does not affect just the two of them but also their children. Children
are very observant and sensitive. They are quick to pick up on tensions and
undercurrents. However, they are not very good at pinpointing the cause. When
they hear raised voices and slammed doors they can't help but wonder, "Is
Children's worlds revolve around
their parents. Parents are their security blankets and their safety nets. They
are supposed to provide their children with a constant sense of security and a
confidence that their parent's love and the marriage is as unshakeable as the
Rock of Gibraltar. Rumbles of discontent between parents leave children feeling
insecure and unsure whether it has something to do with
the lines of battle
before you start screaming about your husband having lost a tidy pile on the
stock market or arguing with your wife about how she doesn't show enough
respect to your parents, stop and think that your children are likely to be the
spellbound audience to your little family drama. And it will be disturbing
rather than entertaining for them. However, this does not mean that parents do
not have the right to fight or argue just because they are parents. It is just
that they will have to learn to express their anger and communicate their
frustration in private and in ways that do not affect their children
parent's manual to a 'good' fight
- Put yourself in your children's shoes. Would you like to
be a spectator to your fights?
Counting to ten is a tried and tested method of
dealing with anger. Try not to argue when you're seeing red. Take time to cool
off before discussing your problems.
Remember that when it comes to fighting between
spouses, it doesn't help to fight fire with fire. Raising your voice,
name-calling and door-slamming will only serve to fuel the
- When you give yourself time to cool off and think you
will often find that while you may think you're fighting about long working
hours or money, it may actually just be a manifestation of the fact that you're
tired, under stress or feeling neglected. Try to analyze what the real issue
- Try not to focus on laying blame and trying to make your
spouse grovel and see the error of his or her ways. The idea is to come to a
solution not punish your spouse.
If you have issues to resolve with your spouse
try to wait till your children are asleep or go into another room to have your
- If you've had a massive argument in front of your
children, make it a point to let them know that they are not to blame and that
sometimes parents do fight, but it does not mean that they love each other or
their children any less.
If possible, try to explain what you were upset
about in simple terms that they can understand. But try not to alarm them or
speak in a manner that they feel obliged to take sides or turn hostile to your
- Explain to your children that losing your temper was a
mistake and that you may have said many things you didn't mean just because you
- Make every attempt to make up with your spouse so that
you can present a united, normal front to your children as soon as possible.
Follow the above tips to the ‘T’
to avoid hampering your child’s development. Remember that you are a role model
for your children. You children will follow your actions more than you advices.
Therefore, you and your spouse should learn to control and sort the issues in
the absence of children. You must avoid fighting in front of your children to
raise them as healthy, happy and well balanced