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You are here : home > Raising Children > Parental Dilemmas > Problems with In-Laws?

Problems with In-Laws?

Every marriage comes with adjustment because of the union of two different families. Neither does it mean the end of one's freedom nor putting up with torture. The key is to find a balance. Learn some ways to tide over some uncomfortable situations.

It's so much easier to cry about the way things are, to grumble and to complain, than it is to build up the courage to change our circumstances.  We'd rather leave it up to God, and when we 'realise' that God is not hearing our cries, we start losing faith. A man sat in a boat and expected God to row him ashore. God didn't, the boat capsized and when the man reached heaven he asked God why He didn't save him. "I cried for help God. Why didn't you come to my aid?" "But I did!" said God. "I gave you the oars!"

Everyone has their share of problems, and dealing with difficult in-laws is one problem faced by most Indian women. 

Shradha's mother-in-law constantly taunted her, and though she complained to her husband, he preferred to stay out of it. He was supportive, but didn't want to intervene. It was only when Shradha had a nervous breakdown did he realise the severity of the situation, and he moved out of his parents' home with his wife and children. 

Move Out

While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere. 

Get A Job

If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!

If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development.  Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm. 

A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television. 

Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance.  Don't be afraid of change. 

Keep Your Distance

Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude. 

Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.

Cultivate A Hobby

Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress. 

Find Your Inner Strength

Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it! 

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Kristine.6 months ago
My name is Kristine Helm. My life has been sour since i became a cripple at the age of 13 and this has really affected my living. I met Nelson Justin during the Olympic when i was 24 years old and he was a very funny and caring guy who taught me how important i am to world. He made me understands been crippled is not the end of the world for me and i was very happy having him as my companion. Justin was a very hardworking guy and he promise to marry me before he left for business trip in China. Two months later he arrived from China and never visited me. I was told by my brother that Justin is now going out with my friend and this really broke me down cos he is the only one that truly loves me. No one wants to go out with me because i am a cripple. I and my brother traveled to South Africa to watch the world cup when i heard about temple of permanent healing. I never believe in God because i am a cripple and i believe that no one can ever make me walk again but when i heard about his great power, i decided to go there. I begged my brother to take me to temple of permanent healing. I spent 7 days in his healing center and it surprises me that on the 7th day, i was able to stand and walk. The priest told me that Justin was under a spell and he prayed for me to destroy every obstacle in my life. I came back home and i was shocked to see Justin. He came and begged me for forgiveness, our relationship came back normal. I am very happy to inform the general public that i and Justin are happily married since October last year and i am pregnant. I know that people might be passing through any problem and i will advise you to contact temple of permanent healing because his miracle is free. His email address is templeofpermanenthealing@hotmail. com
Namrata.6 months ago
It started 1 year back when i got married to my boyfriend. I am a north indian and he is a maharashtrian guy. First, everything was fine and then it started......
1) My MIL feels that my upbringing is worst and she can only bring up children in a proper her SON and DAUGHTER....her daughter of course is the best..A working DIL is not good wife...(She is working too but she is a good wife)
2) My MIL feels that i have worst dressing sense and wear cheap clothes...that does not match her society standards..i wear what i LIKE to and i am comfortable in...not what is costly
3) A girl or shall i call "SUUN" that what these people call their DIL, has to wear all sorts of gold ornaments like...everyday...everytime....I HATE ORNAMENTS TO BE PRECISE
4) She is more bothered about reputation in society than happiness of her own son and DIL..we get no privacy as she monitors my health issues also claiming that she is a ever let me remind that they are not supposed to prescribe..its ILLEGAL..
5) I was once taunted regarding my hometown as well....but when it comes to their home town its the best...a village without streets...forget about street lights...and they expect me to go there every festival.....
6) Recently they have bought a 2BHK by selling their 1 BHK and i am afraid i will have to leave my rented house and stay with them in their house or shall i call it "EMPIRE".......I WANT TO BUY A SEPARATE HOUSE INSTEAD... Sugesstions Please...
AMANDA.8 months ago
I'm here to thank the great love spell caster Dr Lawrence for reviving my marriage and my family, I have been all alone ever since my husband left me and my 5years old child for a very long time I always think how i could have him back and make this family together again though is not as easy as that, Then i found out how Dr Lawrence had help many people restore their marriages i emailed him and he cast a restoration spell that heal and brought back my husband i am saying big thank you to the source of my happiness
.1 year ago
My mother in law is hard to please. She keeps on nagging and creating problems for me. She does not want me to engage a maid and tells me that I have to do all my work myself. She tells my maid that I do not trust her. On the other hand she tells me that I have to supervise my maid all the time since she does not do her work properly. She is trying her best to drive out my maid. My maid is also unnecessarily getting involved in my family issues which I do not appreciate.Please tell me how I can tell my mil to mind her business and also retain my maid since it is very hard to get maids nowadays.
Tatiana.1 year ago
My Name is Tatiana, I was married to my husband for 8 years and we were both bless with three children living together as family until 2011 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 5 months after, he started behaving strange and don't even come home sometimes pretending that his new job is so tight. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave him the job. Since that day, when i called him, he don't longer pickup my calls. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to this priest. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has no negative effect. She gave me the spell caster's e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, he told me the requirement after the spell has worked so i decided to work with him. I was very shocked when my husband came home on the third day and started begging for all that he has done wrong to me and our children. This testimony is just the price i have to pay for the good work that this great priest has done in my marriage. This man is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address
maryann.1 year ago
Am giving this testimony because someone out there may have similar problem My Husband doesn’t think polygamy is wrong. He has been seeing another girl for about four months now. I told him that he needs to stop, but he says he is in love with her. They’ve talked about being together “forever” and eventually her moving in with us. My husband still loves me. He regrets getting into this in the first place, but is not willing to just break up with her. He says if they so break up then thy will be it and he will not pursue another relationship.
nita.1 year ago
i am an Indian woman, facing problem at in laws place... i want to get separated but my hubby is not ready.
kajal.1 year ago
i don't understand why in-laws are given so much of important
simran.1 year ago
this article is so encouraging and uplifting..:)
samson.2 years ago
I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back*
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Do you have trouble coping with your in-laws? What have you done to reduce the tension between you and your in-laws? Is your partner supportive?
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