Every marriage comes with adjustment because of the union of two different families. Neither does it mean the end of one's freedom nor putting up with torture. The key is to find a balance. Learn some ways to tide over some uncomfortable situations.
It's so much easier to cry about the way things are, to grumble and to complain, than it is to build up the courage to change our circumstances. We'd rather leave it up to God, and when we 'realise' that God is not hearing our cries, we start losing faith. A man sat in a boat and expected God to row him ashore. God didn't, the boat capsized and when the man reached heaven he asked God why He didn't save him. "I cried for help God. Why didn't you come to my aid?" "But I did!" said God. "I gave you the oars!"
Everyone has their share of problems, and dealing with difficult in-laws is one problem faced by most Indian women.
Shradha's mother-in-law constantly taunted her, and though she complained to her husband, he preferred to stay out of it. He was supportive, but didn't want to intervene. It was only when Shradha had a nervous breakdown did he realise the severity of the situation, and he moved out of his parents' home with his wife and children.
Move Out
While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere.
Get A Job
If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!
If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development. Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm.
A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television.
Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance. Don't be afraid of change.
Keep Your Distance
Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude.
Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.
Cultivate A Hobby
Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress.
Find Your Inner Strength
Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it!
Name:
NIthya
Country: India
i need solution for my problem. my mother in law and father in law using illegal words on me and my family. giving torture for dowry. she tell and give to my husband and making problem with us. he beating me bcoz of her. i want to give complaint on her. have to go separate with my husband. please help me otherwise i ll make suicide.
Name:
vai
Country: India
i want to a simple question to all working married womens, that it is right to give all your salary in your inlaws hand & then ask them pocket money. pls suggest me the answer. i am in very difficult situation
Name:
Helpless handicap female
Country: India
Well there is so much to burst out but will try to tell you. I am 27yrs old female and got married 3yrs ago with a very kind person. I am handicap and I lost parents at an early age. My sisters took care of me. So when my husband proposed me my sisters insisted to get married. He is Maharashtrian (only son ) and I am North Indian.I am well versed with marathi language and the custom as I am brought up here only.We got married and there were only 3 of us at home . MIL, my hubby and myself.The problem started after a month of marriage. My MIL went for a knee replacement operation after our immediate marriage and I have to take care of everything along with work. However, she started complaining about my work and used to complain my sisters about this. This frustrated me and I used to discuss that if you have any problem then tell me not my sisters. If that didnt work...she used to call my husband on mobile (while he was at work)and complain and he used to call me even though I was at work. I said that lets discuss all small things at home as I cannot concentrate on work because of such dispute .For few days it used to calm but again she used to start. We didnt had privacy as she sleeps in the bedroom and we sleep in th hall. Then I got pregnant and things were the same. Sometime she used to keep quiet but she disturb alot banging vessels,disturbing us while we are asleep. Because of which I used to make lots of mistake at work and one day I lost my job in a very big company. delivered a baby girl and was sent to my sisters place for 45 days as she wanted to burden my widow sister. After that I was at home only. She used to serve food for me but on phone she used to tell her friends that she eats so much and my son only earns.He is having so much of pressure etc etc. She used to backbite about me with her friends and the maid.Also many a time in my presence. This lady never sits at home she keeps on roaming here and there with someone or the other and used to speak ill about my character. Being widow she dont follow like the old people do. She wants her privacy....costly soaps, deos and shining sarees..nowadays she thinks that she is too young and started wearing punjabis...However when we couple go out then she gives bad words etc.
Name:
Helpless handicap female
Country: India
Well there is so much to burst out but will try to tell you. I am 27yrs old female and got married 3yrs ago with a very kind person. I am handicap and I lost parents at an early age. My sisters took care of me. So when my husband proposed me my sisters insisted to get married. He is Maharashtrian (only son ) and I am North Indian.I am well versed with marathi language and the custom as I am brought up here only.We got married and there were only 3 of us at home . MIL, my hubby and myself.The problem started after a month of marriage. My MIL went for a knee replacement operation after our immediate marriage and I have to take care of everything along with work. However, she started complaining about my work and used to complain my sisters about this. This frustrated me and I used to discuss that if you have any problem then tell me not my sisters. If that didnt work...she used to call my husband on mobile (while he was at work)and complain and he used to call me even though I was at work. I said that lets discuss all small things at home as I cannot concentrate on work because of such dispute .For few days it used to calm but again she used to start. We didnt had privacy as she sleeps in the bedroom and we sleep in th hall. Then I got pregnant and things were the same. Sometime she used to keep quiet but she disturb alot banging vessels,disturbing us while we are asleep. Because of which I used to make lots of mistake at work and one day I lost my job in a very big company. delivered a baby girl and was sent to my sisters place for 45 days as she wanted to burden my widow sister. After that I was at home only. She used to serve food for me but on phone she used to tell her friends that she eats so much and my son only earns.He is having so much of pressure etc etc. She used to backbite about me with her friends and the maid.Also many a time in my presence. This lady never sits at home she keeps on roaming here and there with someone or the other and used to speak ill about my character. Being widow she dont follow like the old people do. She wants her privacy....costly soaps, deos and shining sarees..nowadays she thinks that she is too young and started wearing punjabis...However when we couple go out then she gives bad words etc.
Name:
evergreen
Country: India
Hi,
Give me suggestion to manage my inlaw.
She is talkative. Always ruling me but not to do house hold works but to do my own work. She always thinks that whatever she does is right. I have to do what she says.I have to give my kid what she suggests. Always praise his son alone and not me. Always treat my kid as his sons kid and never allow me or my family to have more touch with the kid. She is very possesive with her son. She needs money money money. She wants to buy all the things which are costly for daily use. She spends money like water. Above all I cant bare when she always comments me to do my own work. Her torture is different. Please suggest me how to deal with her?
Name:
Kumar
Country: India
Do women only face the problem of harassment from inlaws?
What about harassed husbands
Dominating Inlaws, indifferent wife.
Name:
Vaidehi
Country: India
I have been married since 1 & 1/2 yrs. We don't stay with in laws, but they often visit us for around 15 days. They torture me like anything. They wont allow me to work in the kitchen as they are very orthodox, they wont allow me to watch TV, they want to sit and listen to they lecture. I am working in a software company and very heavy work, i get tired and come back home only to listen their taunts. My husband is very very kind and silent nature, whatever his cruel mom and dad say he agrees, and scold me every time. If i speak with them, they never listen, and start giving lecture or arguing with me, if i don't speak, they complain to my husband that she sits idle, she wont speak, she don't have manners to speak a word at least. I get tired and come from office with health problems around, they wont allow me to take rest. They scold me and complain my husband they she wont speak with us, she goes and sleep in her room. They haven't let our husband-wife relation to grow, by always bothering us. They always interfere in our personal matters. I am currently undergoing psychiatric treatment, still neither my husband nor my in laws able to understand my condition. They are too cruel. Also they dont have a girl child. And i have 2 brother in law's. My husband is the eldest of them. One of my brother in law is very cruel, another is very immature. The one who is immature used to stay with us for many days. We did not had privacy at all. Now when he moved out of our house when his childhood friend came to this place, my in laws are blaming me, that i have broke their family and all. They call up and complain something wrong about me to my husband, so that we should fight. Now they have come here for a month and creating misunderstandings between me and my husband. I have tried it very hard to change my husband, but he is not understanding it at all. I do 100 things to change him, but no use. It has become an unsolvable and intolerable issue. I want to walk out of this marriage, or suicide. Please help, please give some advice.
Name:
priya
Country: India
Pls advise, i am 1st dil to my inlaws. They tortured me like anything especially my mil acting too smart before all others and my husband and fooled me by comparing me to my cosister who was married wihtout informing to their parents. when after 6 months of my marriage they used nag me by saying i dont have children and by god grace i became pregnant and had one wonderful child. Now my cosister was conceived after 4 years. They dont treat both me and cosisters in a same way. They give great respect to her and degrade me in every extent before others to me even before my hb. My cosisters hb supports her very much so they dont open their mouth and she got love marriage and me got arranged marriage. My dh allways degrade me in everyextent by comparing to others. I was strong those days and started doing job and studying and by keeping my son with them this many days. But now the problem is my Inlaws are going to 2nd son ( as her wife is pregnent). my dh also asked them to go for one year. The main problem is during their frequent naggings maximum times i dint answered back and after few days i started self defencing myself then i started stop talking to them. so now they are going there. My main fear is that my son i want to join in day care but i have an inner fear whether it is good my motherly views have a fear to join him in day care( One thing my inlaws used to take care nicely to my son). i also have a fear that if she ( Cosister) gives birth to any son my hb acts too priority to their family and also now i cannot go to their houses for that functions. Allready my mil started her own comments indirectly to me. I also have a fear that if something happens to my inlaws at their house, my dh wont excuse me and says that u only the reason for that. I am really confused. I truly want to take care of my son. Pls deadly i need of good suggestion. What i have to do. Right now i am not talking to them and they also not ready to speak to me. pls help me
Name:
confidentgirl
Country: U.S.A.
It's easy to say something than to do it, but here's my piece of advice from my own experience.Hope this helps.
I am also an Indian girl in the same boat. My husband and I had love-arranged wedding 7 yrs ago and was a happy association. My FIL is a very nice person. Problem is my MIL. I don't care/bother about her interference, nagging etc. as I am avery strong, confident women. She makes a kurukshetra (a major battle ) whenever she visits us in US for 6 months. She screams,shouts, accuses, insults and it's literally like a battle field for absolutely no reason.My husband loves his parents,supports them whenin need and I respect them. GOD onlyknows what her problem is. Not just with me. She fights with my FIL, my husband and also my brother-in-law. My husband is very supportive and by me always. tnx GOD for that. anyways thats my story. My piece of advice is pls don't lose confidence, hope.
1. first thing to do is to get support from husband. Make husband understand in a polite manner not by complaining.
2. Set expectations for your MIL. Dont be rude and at the same time don't be a door mat. Say firmly this is who you are and you are to be treated with respect and she cannot insult, hurt or psychologically affect you. Be Strong and say this firmly that she has to be nice and normal towards you for u to continue your relationship with her.
3. Ignore minute things and document any major problems with her so you have support if fight goes outside of family.
4. IF you have kids,pls don't let the kids face any problems between DIL and MIL fights. If your MIL is quarreling with you, take kids outside for play or take them to another room to read books and be with your children rather than quarreling with MIL. If situation is worse, move out or ask IL's to leave and let your husband support them remotely and let him visit them whenever needed as he's their son.
5. Share your trouble with a trusted friend/siblings or parents and try to get a solution that works rather than being bad,lonely, hurt, depressed etc.
6. If you don;'t have kids and you can't deal with ILs and husband is not supportive, move on with your life as you have the right to lead a happy., peaceful life. Leave and get re-married or concentrate on your career. This is not sita's time to stay in trouble your whole life. Remember GOD only helps those who help themselves.
Don't lose confidence. If u do it means your cruel in-laws won over you.BE STRONG.
This is just a piece of advice as it worked for me. I was hurt in the beginning but I came out of it and stood up for myself and it's better now.
My MIL is visiting us for 6months again next week. If she begins a battle again in front of our little girl, this is the last time she'll come over to our house.
PS: I practice relaxation exercises and read about stress relief. It helps. Tnx everyone for reading.
Name:
New mom and frustrated
Country: India
I have been married for 4 years now and recently delivered a baby girl. Mine is a love marriage and in-laws stay very far off. They visit us for a couple of months once a year. In the initial days of marriage itself I realized the kind of people they are. They are totally dependent on my husband for their finances and hence they are very meek and submissive in his presence. But they try to be very controlling and interfering in his absence and I am very firm and polite in snubbing them off. It worked for the last three years. I could keep my cool and peace of mind in their presence. The problems started when I got pregnant. They tried to control everything right from my apetite during pregnancy and made snide remarks that I am eating too much [I am a very small built person and had haemmaroids during pregnancy, bcos of which, I completely cut out fried items, non-vegetarian and fatty foods from my diet and still they spoke this way]. After delivery they were very wild that I had my mother stay with me at the hospital. My daughter is the first grand-daughter in my parent's side and my in-laws have experience handling 7 grand children so far. They insulted my mother at every act regarding her cooking (soft diet for me after delivery) to the way she handles my child. MIL even treated my mother like a servant. But my mom did not react at all, so that we can keep a good atmosphere at home for the sake of my baby, and keep my relationship with my husband good. I got furious about my MIL's behaviour and I tried to snub her off as usual, but it only worsened the problem. Finally my husband himself interfered and sent them back. I am dreading their next visit. I am also very worried as to how I am going to take care of my daughter when I get back to work. My parents are currently staying with me. I do not want to continue that arrangement as my in-laws are very mean people and will speak ill of them that they are staying at their daughter's place. I do not want my parents to be at the receiving end of such comments. I do not want to express my feelings to my husband openly. He loves me a lot but still the subject of discussion is his parents and I don't want to hurt him by bringing this up. I have to get back to work in a month from now. Any ideas on what arrangements I can make for my daughter's care during the day?
Name:
New mom and frustrated
Country: India
I have been married for 4 years now and recently delivered a baby girl. Mine is a love marriage and in-laws stay very far off. They visit us for a couple of months once a year. In the initial days of marriage itself I realized the kind of people they are. They are totally dependent on my husband for their finances and hence they are very meek and submissive in his presence. But they try to be very controlling and interfering in his absence and I am very firm and polite in snubbing them off. It worked for the last three years. I could keep my cool and peace of mind in their presence. The problems started when I got pregnant. They tried to control everything right from my apetite during pregnancy and made snide remarks that I am eating too much [I am a very small built person and had haemmaroids during pregnancy, bcos of which, I completely cut out fried items, non-vegetarian and fatty foods from my diet and still they spoke this way]. After delivery they were very wild that I had my mother stay with me at the hospital. My daughter is the first grand-daughter in my parent's side and my in-laws have experience handling 7 grand children so far. They insulted my mother at every act regarding her cooking (soft diet for me after delivery) to the way she handles my child. MIL even treated my mother like a servant. But my mom did not react at all, so that we can keep a good atmosphere at home for the sake of my baby, and keep my relationship with my husband good. I got furious about my MIL's behaviour and I tried to snub her off as usual, but it only worsened the problem. Finally my husband himself interfered and sent them back. I am dreading their next visit. I am also very worried as to how I am going to take care of my daughter when I get back to work. My parents are currently staying with me. I do not want to continue that arrangement as my in-laws are very mean people and will speak ill of them that they are staying at their daughter's place. I do not want my parents to be at the receiving end of such comments. I do not want to express my feelings to my husband openly. He loves me a lot but still the subject of discussion is his parents and I don't want to hurt him by bringing this up. I have to get back to work in a month from now. Any ideas on what arrangements I can make for my daughter's care during the day?
Name:
Nimisha
Country: India
Hi,
My husband is the only son .. so my inlaws visit on and off to our place ... but whenever there are here esp my father in law I see my son behaviour is different he would expect him to feed or bathe him .... My father in law really spoils him .. I am actually worried about my son future .. I do tell my father in law to stop these all in vain ... he interfears in what i give him for food and tells that my son eats food with him without any fuss and with me he fusses (Infact he keeps poking in each of ladies issue in cooking , talks etc thinks he is very authoritative and smart looking and big socialite ))... My son eats food well with me in his absence ... I am in a dilema ... Kindly advise ... My son is 3 years old .. I was working previously and had my in laws and parents taking turns to take care of him .. I am now at home and facing all the problems
Name:
sadwika.priya
Country: India
my opinion
Name:
sadwika
Country: India
This forum is really increased the confident levels, before visiting this forum i use to think i only in the world facing the problems like this after seeing the other womens problems i feel i felt they are so many in the world suffering are alike like me. Eventhough the forum may not give direct solutions to the problem but giving suggestions which are making us to think twice before acting. Really thanks to the creator of the forum and i also agree with the topic bcoz i am following the same principles in my life my engaging myself in job, studies and playing with my kid and maintianing distance with my in laws, but i also suggest that you all also maintain little distance from your husbands untill he understands the importance of you. Surely he will.. all the best.
Name:
Desi Girl
Country: India
Ami,
I am sorry for your situation. Many of us are sailing in the same boat. You thought your love could win and things would change for ever, but it did not. Your courtship was the trailer of your future. Any way now what you can do is up to you. Insulate your self. Your spouse is living with a power person and she controls everything around him. He is afraid of confronting her; he'll not stand up for you so don't even expect him to. What can you do?
Give him a list of things you want. If he ignores you know your answer that you don't matter to him, even if he claims you are important he is doing nothing to validate that claim. Ask him to grow up he is not a 5 year old that mommy needs to tell him when to go and pee.
Suggest you want him to come for couple's counseling. If he comes along well, if he doesn't go by your self. You need to learn to be assertive and voice your needs in a constructive way.
Build your core- your connection with the creator because your happiness is your business. If you remain unhappy that is what she wants and you are giving her that. For more suggestions visit: www.girlsguidetosurviv al.wordpress.c om
Name:
Indian gal
Country: USA
when two different mindsets/generations stay under one roof there are bound to be troubles. with understanding some of them can be solved, some ignored but the truth remains that either/both (dil & ils) are hurt in the process. the solution i think is to stay seperate right from day of marraige. indians better learn the fact that the dil is not a servant, free cook, caretaker of you and she doesnt owe you a thing. and ils are not free servants, babysitters till they get old. parents should learn to emotionally distance themselves from a boy and accept the fact that he too will go away after his marraige like a daughter. the desire to control the dil makes ils crazy nuts. i see many indian girls stressing that wont stay with hubby's parents after marraige in same house. 'prevention is always better than cure'.
Name:
Ami
Country: India
well i agree that not eery mother-in-law is devil and not every dil is an angle. my husband and i were in love with each-other since 1997. we tried to convince her till 2001 she forcibly sent my husband to usa in 1999. we're staying away from eachother since then, she finally permitted us to get married in 2002 dec. now only time we get together is one hour chatting we do everyday. my mother in-law wants to read newspaper same time we chat. now she is not wprking person and she is home all day, she can read newspaper wheneer she want to. she keeps a check on my husbands account and will not let him buy me a single gift. i must mention that my husband is only earning member in family and he and both my in-lwas stay with him. but still eery expnse is monitored by my mother-in-law. if he buys a greeting card for me he has to hide from her. and she keeps blaming me for lesser dahej she got from my father.. all she is concerned about my father's money. and my usband wants to respect her and i too want him to respect and loe her cause being an india i'e been taught to respect and take care of elders. but what about my life. do i owe some love, time and care from my husband? what should i do in this situation..so i completely agree with smw that at a ponit its right to feel for and dil that his parents are not allowed if i'm not allowed to be happy with my husband. why should i care
Name:
********
Country: India
well said indian gal !
Name:
Indian gal
Country: USA
when two different mindsets/generations stay under one roof there are bound to be troubles. with understanding some of them can be solved, some ignored but the truth remains that either/both (dil & ils) are hurt in the process. the solution i think is to stay seperate right from day of marraige. indians better learn the fact that the dil is not a servant, free cook, caretaker of you and she doesnt owe you a thing. and ils are not free servants, babysitters till they get old. parents should learn to emotionally distance themselves from a boy and accept the fact that he too will go away after his marraige like a daughter. the desire to control the dil makes ils crazy nuts. i see many indian girls stressing that wont stay with hubby's parents after marraige in same house. 'prevention is always better than cure'.
Name:
Neha
Country: India
well said!this is very common problem with dils. you must keep it in mind that it takes a good time to cope with a entirely new atmosphere with your new in-laws. husbands are a vry loyal sons in the beginning. they do not have the habit of listening against their monthers. tghey try to be indifferent in the matters of mothers and wives. but rest assured, that if you keep on doing exactly as your hasbands want in the starting years of your married life, a time will come when he will realise that your problem is genuine and he will try to sort out your problem and mind it that solution would be a good one. if he is in your good faith, then after some time everything will be allright. i have also spent five years of my married life for solving all these issues and right now i am the happiest wife, it think. best of luck to all of your also.
Name:
anjali
Country: India
well i have read all the views as well as the article with great interest, becoz i went thru hell for 10yrs due to inlaws probs. the final answer was to withdraw from my husband as well as inlaws emotional, physically, and spiritually,from my husband. then remain polite to both. finally i am strong enough to care for my self, with his financial help. the basic reason for his complete surrender to his mother and father brother and sister was that they had tried to impress all his growing yrs that they are responsible for his carreer etc. and the fact that i was intelligent, smart good looking and ambitious made tham jealous and hateful towards me. they used the dowry factor to set him against me' though he is a surgeon from a very prestigious college. so there lies the secret. its all brain washing. i have taken 20yrs to brain wash my husband against dowry, cruelty to women, criticizing the girls family routinely as though it is the mpst normal thing to do. atlast he told me " now i can see why u didnt like living here with my parents. so ladies .. each one has to find thier own way out. but be clever/ be constructive/ take help from experts/ not from other frustrated dils/ watch and observe how the family functions / and dont say too much at first. watch your words / never reveal all about your self or fsmily/ keep your distance/ dont start giving love and affection from day one. watch how the family functions then interact with care. all this if you cant get out form the joint family setup instantly after marriage. which is the best :-)
Name:
Indian Man
Country: USA
courage ladies! i grew up in a house that was run like many of the ones described here. all i can say is that you should get out as soon as humanly possible. if you don't have kids get out now because you don't want to bring children into this world in such an environment. if you have kids, get out now because if you don't your sons will grow up to be abusers and your daughters will grow up to be victims. i promised myself when i grew up that i would never turn out to be like my father, and today i'm a happily married father of two. but people like me are unfortunately the exception not the rule. you owe it to your children (present or future) to get out.
Name:
sad girl
Country: USA
i have been married 10 yrs to a cruel sadistic man and i live with my in laws. my mil is cruel, runs the house. i am a professional(physician) whose husband and mother control every penny. my husbands insults my parents,and as i continue to live with him, see traits of
my mil rubbing off on him. he threatens me , my family, and i fear that if i leave him, i will never be able to see my daughter.anyone in my situation ?
Name:
Hope
Country: India
hi everyone..i might sound sadistic, but really it does give me a little "out of the well" feeling and strength that i am not alone facing such nonsense...
i am "living with my in laws from the day one of my marriage..slowly creeped in problems...mil wants to be the supremo...also in the same house are my bil, shi wife and their son who is pampered and taught all the out-dated styles of living. their constant interference in all the things he does...when he is questioned, mil and fil answer!! this is so ridiculous. it is hampering his child's life and his growth to be a a nice open minded chap...i dont think we will ever stay seperately..but i am hesitating to bear a child...ever since i was an adolscent, i have dreamt to having children and i have landed into this house of confused people....please advice....
Name:
Xenie
Country: USA
i have lived for 6-7 months with my in-laws. i am a qualified doctor from canada and used to counsel women in abuse, emotional issues, etc. when i got married, my husband lived in the states, so i relocated. i have become one of those women that i counseled. my in-laws are so manipulative and clever, and i brought my self-esteem down so much...there were times i wanted to commit suicide....but thinking of my own family/my parents stopped me. my parents raised me independent, liberal and passionate....when i moved to my in-laws home....they indirectly made me a slave. i was treated like shit...but my husband still doesn't see this. finally, my husband got a job 2 hrs away from them, and we moved. they are still very controlling. they took away all his money before we moved because it was in a joint savings. we moved to ny and it costs a lot here. i can't work yet because my immigartion paperwork isn't finalized yet. i feel like a prisoner trapped...and the worst thing is the free-spirit i had in my heart is dwindling....i am not sure how to cope anymore. after reading these letters/articles...i am so shocked at how ununique this situation is. i pray for all us for redeeming our inner strength and self-love. i hope god takes care of our precious hearts....we all deserve love and not hate.
It's so much easier to cry about the way things are, to grumble and to complain, than it is to build up the courage to change our circumstances. We'd rather leave it up to God, and when we 'realise' that God is not hearing our cries, we start losing faith. A man sat in a boat and expected God to row him ashore. God didn't, the boat capsized and when the man reached heaven he asked God why He didn't save him. "I cried for help God. Why didn't you come to my aid?" "But I did!" said God. "I gave you the oars!" 
