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Aggressive Kids:agressive kids in the playground
2002-06-16
Name: Natalie Hi,
I have 16 months old boys and they just started going to playgroup and to the playground. Sometimes the older kids (2-4years old) are agressive towards mine, they push mine out of the way or poke them in the eyes of shove them off the slide or the swing or they grab a toy from them. Sometimes those kids' parents are there and they do nothing, but I can not let my kids be hurt, especially when they get poked in the eyes!!
I don't want to be the overprotective mother, so when it is a non physical event, like a kid taking the toy my kids were playing with, I just let them my kids cope with the situation (even though i don't think it is fair to just let another come up and snatch the toy). If they start crying a lot I go and distract them with something else. If my kids take someone's toy I always make them return the toy to the other child, and instead of scolding, I tell them in a nice voice that it is not fair to take from others, so even though they are reluctant, they still give the toy back. If they are approaching a smaller baby than them, I make sure they do not touch the face, I tell them to pet the baby's hand or hair but not to hurt the baby, not to touch the face.

However, last weekend, at the playground, a 3 year old girl came to the cubby house where one of my boys was and she pushed her way in and then pushed him out. When he tried to get in again(it was big enough for 5 kids) she poked him in the eye and face with her finger saying she wanted the house to herself. Her parents were standing there watching and didn't interfere (Bastards!). My little one tried to get in again and she did the same thing so I grabbed her hand and told her it is not nice to hurt the baby. She had the temerity to answer me back and then tried hitting my son again!!!! The parents still did nothing. So I said in a severe voice, No do not hurt the baby. And then I moved my son from there, and he started crying. It was so unfair to my son! he had been in that cubby house first and he didn't mind sharing it! I was so angry with the little girl but mainly with her stupid parents!! So what am I supposed to do in situations like that???? Any advice appreciated.

Natalie
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2004-05-29
#1
Name: Hazel
Subject:  aggressive kids in playground
I would agree with one of the other replies. Let you children play with other children of a similar age. Avoid groups where the parents don't seem to care. You are unlikely to be able to change their attitude - they need professional help but they don't know they need it! Also, there is the theory that by giving attention to a naughty/aggressive child you are rewarding their behaviour - perhaps that is the only way they can get attention from their parents. Sad but true.
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2003-08-30
#2
Name: Pamela
Subject:  Mother with agressive son
I am a mother with a 4 year old boy.I can not go to play groups that have parents with there children.I get into too many fights with them.I have protected my son since he was like 1 years old.I protected him from mothers who would yell at him because he wassss toooo active.If parents don't like that a child is active then get your child out of play group.I don't agree with you to yell at the little girl for hitting your child.just grab your child and go some-where else.I'm sure your child will do what she did one day.KIDS ARE KIDS.I had mothers yell at my son for such pathetic reasons.I would go up to them and tell them never everrrr everrr yell at my child again.
I have a 16 month old girl.Now kids yes they push her or knock her down.I just take her some-where else.Never yell at some-one elses children.Unless child is like in kindergarten or older.Then they should understand what they did.A three year old does not really understand.She just wants to pissss you off.IT WORKED.
I found out the reason my son is the way he is because he has ADHD-hyperactivity.
So it is not a mothers fault the way the child acts.Do you know how much I discipline him.OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
I'm going through a major depression because of this.So don't say parents are stupid.You just don't know what problems they have at home.A lot of kids now have ADHD.
I still protect my son.I will til he can protect him-self.
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2004-03-24
#3
Name: Natalie
Subject:  agressive kids
I am sorry your son has ADHD but it does not mean all kids do. I beleive there is treatment for ADHD and also for depression. And you should still be responsible for his actions! That is why the US is so litigious because nobody takes responsibility for their actions and blames everything and everyone else. By your theory, if my kids have an infectious disease you will not be bothered if I take them to play near your kid. Hey it is not their fault they have the disease right?? Never mind that your kid will get infected, too bad right? Get real.
My twins are now 3 years old and never behave agressively towards other kids. Yes they can be rough accidentally, and they usually appologise for their behaviour if they hurt someone else. There is a difference between being mean and being active! My 3yo stood up to a 6 yo bully who told his brother to shut up. He went up to him and told him "you don't say shut up to my brother. it is rude". The are now able to stand up for themselves yet they don't bully those younger then them. And as they grow I will teach them to protect those younger then them from bullies like your kids.
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2002-06-20
#4
Name: Nina
Subject:  Trying to get along...
Hello Natalie!

First, I just want to say that I do not believe you are being overly protective...I feel that any \";normal\"; Mommy is going to want to protect her children; don't worry about being overly protective. :-)

I have issues with similar things. I really do like exposing my little girls to peers of various ages so they can get used to different personality types and build confidence and social skills, however, I do not like the idea of there being significant age differences between them. I mean, you child needs to play with younger toddlers. I would say babies from the ages of 12 months to 24 months is ideal, however, I understand it's impossible to regulate that at a playground.

My first bit of advise would be to stay fairly close to your child, especially when older children are present; one of them could really hurt your baby! Also, If a circumstance occurs where a child hurts your child, like hitting, shoving...etc. I would firmly tell them to keep their hands off. If the parents are nearby, after doing that, I would figure out a constructive, intellegent way to express my feelings over the matter especially if it is repetitive. At this early age of your son(s), they need to have positive experiences, older children need to be watched closely when playing with younger ones.

And, if this is the playgroup's kids behaving in such ways, I would totally complain. I think in a playgroup, rules should be laid out on paper regarding the guidelines for play and behavior.

I can relate to your frustrations. I have a 4 year old girl and a 4 month old girl. I have to admit I do not always look forward to playing at the park; it seems like people just let their kids loose and turn their heads.

Remember, you must let those parents of aggressive children know that you are not happy with the behavior since it's affecting your younger child. If they are somewhat intellegent, they should heed in the information.

Take care!
Nina
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2003-01-17
#5
Name: bhakti
Subject:  My son bit a girl in the playground
Dear Nina

My son is 3 yrs old. On the first day of school i.e today he bit a kids nose. Being a parent I feel responsible for his actions but I dont know how to control my son. I have tried explaining he promises never to do it again. I also dont speak to him so that he realises. He comes to me saying sorry but he does the same things again. I am really worried can anybody help?
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