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You are here : home > Women's Issues > Women at Work > Career or Kids?

Career or Kids?

Career or Kids?

Many mothers are often confronted with the dilemma of choosing between their jobs or careers, and their children.

What mothers first need to realize is that having one does not require sacrificing the other. Telling yourself that you need to choose between your job and your children implies that you feel if you select one, you lose the other. This, as any working mother will tell you, is far from the truth. However, there are other aspects you need to keep in mind.
When you have children, your responsibilities and work at home increases. You have to cook for more people, you have to shop for more people - you need to take the time out to help your children with their homework, clean up after them, drop and pick them up from their various activities, entertain them, spend time with them and still ensure that all chores are completed on schedule. If you add a full time job to your schedule, many mothers feel that they will not be able to cope - with good reason. There are only 24 hours in a day, and you can only fit in so much. What you may not be able to fit in is spending time with the children.

Does this have an adverse effect on the children?

The answer is, surprisingly, no. In fact, mothers with careers have a positive impact on children, as they serve as good role models. Such mothers tend to emphasise education, and also manage to spend quality time with their children. Thanks to the dual income, the standard of living is higher, children get access to better quality education and extra-curricular activities.
Often, in dual income families, both parents tend to be highly educated, as a result of which the child takes education more seriously. Naturally children whose mothers don't work could also shine in school, but at least what is certain is that a working mother doesn't have a negative impact at all on the child - if anything - the impact is positive.
What you need to figure out is, can you cope with work in the house and in the office? If it is getting to be too much, consider hiring help. As long as you earn a good chunk more than what you pay your help, it's worth it. Also, delegate chores to your children. This will not only take a load off your shoulders, but it will also help make your children more responsible and independent.
Needless to say, if you and your husband both have full time jobs, both should help out with housework. If the entire family does their share, the job will get done quickly, and you will have more time to spend together as a family.
So if you ever felt that being away at work will somehow harm your kids, remember that it will not. However, you may miss your kids more than they will miss you - and you may not be around them as much as you like. This is one sacrifice you will definitely have to make - and while it may not harm your kids, it may cause you to have pangs of longing every now and again. You may be stuck in a meeting when you'd much rather be at home hugging your children. Sure, you can hug them a few hours later, but if you find staying away from them too much to bear, quit your job! Similarly, if work gives you a high, continue with it. After all, a happy mother is far more important than one that's around all the time.


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Usha
Usha.11 years ago
Thanks for a nice article encouraging working mothers. I have been working in IT for last 7 years and I have a daughter who is 1.5 years old. I hardly took a break of 5 months after my delivery, but when I think of the fact that I have been missing to see all my daughter’s activities really makes me feel miserable. Particularly when she is down with fever, leaving her and going to office is such a pain. However, at the same time the thought that the pain I am going through is also for my daughter’s better quality of life in future keeps me motivated.
 
 
 
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Usha
Usha.11 years ago
Thanks for a nice article encouraging working mothers. I have been working in IT for last 7 years and I have a daughter who is 1.5 years old. I hardly took a break of 5 months after my delivery, but when I think of the fact that I have been missing to see all my daughter’s activities really makes me feel miserable. Particularly when she is down with fever, leaving her and going to office is such a pain. However, at the same time the thought that the pain I am going through is also for my daughter’s better quality of life in future keeps me motivated.
 
 
 
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Pallavi
Pallavi.12 years ago
A year back, I was busy with demanding career, a mother of two. didnt have time to hang out to find a guy!! .Rather than settle for being at home alone, going through bad times..i thought of a companion to accompany me for lunch/dinner/theater, .and spend time at my place. I had voices inside ”nice girls don’t do that” and worse, I didnt want to be " labelled and judged”.
I found some ads online. and messaged their mobile. I asked them all sorts of questions about how it would work. I didn’t feel confident enough to have those sorts of conversations, so i skipped and arranged to come to my place. The experience ranged from ”an intellectual conversation over coffee/dinner”, to ”ground-breaking makin love ” . They made me feel good about my choices, gave me confidence that if this is something i wanted to do, im allowed to. It wasnt all about x, but was about making me feel special. I could safely extend my boundaries, doing ”something for myself” after working full-time, raising children, etc. I think women want to do this, but they’re like me, it might take u six months thinking about it before u do. I was hesitant to tell anyone abt it, as in reality women tend not to talk about their needs. I would have rather gone without love/x than face the fear of asking for it from a stranger. Women ”still think it’s not allowed.

I thought i will share some of the cute guys here, to help chennai women find the right guys..

eit-sicx-ninee-five-eit-four-six-sevn-three-thre(Raghu)
ninee-zeroo-too-fiv-gour-one-nine-four-six-too (sam)
eit-sicx-nin-five-nine-sicx-foor-too-seven-eit (karthik).

They did travel to my place(they have their place too) and made my time memorable. Clean , DD free , working IT professionals , globe trotters, who just freelance. and engage in safe activities like conversations , massge, and things, that you like the most. I sent a short SMS as 'Hi', i guess they understood and took it from there. Have a good time
 
 
 
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Ridhima Kamath
Ridhima Kamath.14 years ago
I do not agree it is easy to chose between both! As a young mom, career was important to me, but my son was not an option.. I had to take al the help from my family, friends, even collegues. Luckily i had all des wonderful people to help me... If someone could tell me wat would b the ideal time to get back to work, i would be glad. cos i got back to work realy early.. and i have this immense guilt of leaving my son and getting abck to work. Even though i go back home everday for lunch.... i still feel guilty.
 
 
 
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Ridhima Kamath
Ridhima Kamath.14 years ago
I do not agree it is easy to chose between both! As a young mom, career was important to me, but my son was not an option.. I had to take al the help from my family, friends, even collegues. Luckily i had all des wonderful people to help me... If someone could tell me wat would b the ideal time to get back to work, i would be glad. cos i got back to work realy early.. and i have this immense guilt of leaving my son and getting abck to work. Even though i go back home everday for lunch.... i still feel guilty.
 
 
 
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Nisha
Nisha.14 years ago
Thanks for the article.
I really wonder why it has to be Career OR kids, why it cannot be
Career AND kids. I worked for 6 years in IT and know from last 3 years
I am at home taking care of my sweet daughter. But I strongly want to work.
I want to manage both. For those who have daughters, u all want them to shine bright in there careers right, and what for? One day to give up everything to raise kids? My mother was a working lady, I always wanted to be like her and I want my daughter to feel the same for me. My mom was a principal of a school, she is my roll model. Being a kid I was crazy about everything she used to do, the way she used to dress up for school, her big cabin, and the way she used to handle parents, staff, and the way she used to make ways in bad situations. I agree my mom’s job was not as time expensive as my job was.
I know it’s extremely difficult but as this article says it’s not bad to be a working mom.
I want to concentrate on ways to achieve this than listing out on the difficulties.
 
 
 
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Usha Pavan
Usha Pavan.15 years ago
yes, i agree with everything that is given in the article. but to be able to do justice to work and family, it needs very high energy levels and demands lot of discipline.
 
 
 
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smartmom
smartmom.15 years ago
i feel..first set up yr family for the 10 yrs after marriage..so that the kids r all well settled and then start working everyone adjusts well and the kids r not so demanding...its worth the sacrifice!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
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tony S
tony S.15 years ago
this article emphasises more on a woman to work than stay at home. i think in that way it is incomplete. pros and cons of both a working mother and stay at home mom should be discussed. nowadays domestic help is also not so easily available. so please give us more knowledge and info in detail. thx
 
 
 
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priyaanand
priyaanand.15 years ago
this article is totally focussing only on working.when you work you can make money ofcourse its true but you are missing all your child's development for eg.,crawling,sitting,feeding,etc.,etc.,nowhere you can get it back.once the child milestone development you miss forever you can't get it back but consider of money you can make money whenever you feel like after they are grownup.

child may expect lots and lots of affection,hugs,kisses from you but if you go to work they miss all those and they cannot ask for it
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