What is it that causes women to stay on in abusive marriages? Why do men hit their wives? Walking out is hard, but it HAS to be done.
In every country and in every strata of society exist those men who take their anger and frustration out on their wives. While some men take it out by lashing out in anger, others take it out by physically assaulting their wives, often for chillingly trivial reasons like food that is not hot enough, or a shirt that has not been ironed well. Women
make the mistake of justifying their husband's behavior. She did
something very silly, his mood was bad, or he had just been fired so he
No reason is good enough
Even if the beating was for a supposedly good reason, it is
important for a woman to understand that nothing makes it acceptable
for a husband to hit his wife. No matter how grave her 'mistake', no
matter how understandably bad the husband's mood, there is simply NO
justification for a man to raise his hand on a woman.
When should you walk out?
Walk out the very first time he hits you. No, don't stop and
think about it. Don't even discuss it with him. Just pack your bags and
leave. If he is really sorry, when he comes to his senses, he will come
to you and apologise.
Should you go back to him?
This entirely depends on you. If you feel his behavior is
normally fine, and if you are very happy with him, you could consider
returning to him. Naturally, he has to apologise and swear never to do
it again. But the important thing to remember is to forgive him just
ONCE. If he strikes you again, walk out for good and do NOT under any
circumstances accept a second apology. Women
often go on living with violent husbands for years on end, forgiving
them time and again. With each beating your self-esteem falls lower and
lower, and it will be harder to leave ten years down the line than it
is now. Don't forget, if the beating continues, ten years later you may
not be alive.
What causes men to behave like this?
Men who are insecure, have had unhappy childhoods, or are alcoholics or frustrated with their lives, take it out on their wives. Or, they may simply be control freaks.
Sometimes, although men beat their wives, they don't want their wives to leave them. They enjoy the power they have over their wives. Such men are often so psychologically warped, that they believe they actually love their wives. A man who loves a woman will be loath to see a tear in her eye, much less be the cause of it. Other times men beat their wives because they want their wives to leave them, or they want more dowry. Surprisingly, women in India still don't leave their husbands, and even beg husbands to let them stay on.
Help is a telephone call away
There are shelter homes throughout the country, and Bapnu and Shakti Sagar, located in Delhi with branches in other parts of the country as well, have launched a hotline service to come to the immediate aid of women in need. If you are in need, or know a victim of domestic violence, call 10921 (Bapnu) or 10920 (Shakti Sagar) for immediate help and counseling.
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- The Indiaparenting Team