Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 4 yrs. My problem is my MIL.Actually I always feel that whenever she is around i start having tensed realtionship with my hubby .We fight over stupid issues.Sometimes the figts grow into really big ones. She somehow enjoys it.I used to respect her a lot but now all this is creating a hate towards her.And she has some mysterious powers i belive as whenever i go against her wishes in any field (even anything totally justified)the result is negative.
One more thing is she always tries to peep in our bedroom.This all sounds really shameful but i really dont know what to do. Since childhood she has kept my hubbby very strictly and he still fears her a lot.She is a damn calculative lady .I really dont know what to do. Can anybody pls tell me is there anything called Tona Totka or some kind of Jadu. I know all this sounds stupid in this age .Being well educated stops me from thinking all this but situation is such that somehow i have started beiliving in all this . Can a MIL do totks on her son or DIL .Pls help ruchiraa replied. hi nina,
the problems you r going with may be due to the domonating nature of your MIL and that so the effect is felt ten folds when you find your husbad a puppet in the hands of your MIL.
i personally belive in jaddu & tona totka but at same time i also believe in the powers of god and accordind to hindu scripture whenever such kind of fears try do dominate me i used do recite hanuman chalisa aur bajarang ban. it really helps me lot to gain strength and to think positive. i myself is a very well educated person but due to certain kind of unbelivable happenigs made me to think these things exist but i also has firm belief that these things can be cured by strong belief in your god if you are right he will never disappoint you.
and even if it is psychlogical it will be treated . believe me. Cheerup replied. Ok, there are many ways to look at this. Depending where you live. One, has to take a couple of things in mind. In-law relationships are challenging to begin with! NO one ever said, it was going to be easy. You, have to take your health first into account. I, don't believe in 5000 year old customs. Your family (husband too) must immediately move from this MIL. Very seldom do we run into good In laws. God, I only wish that all would be nice. Moving is the best alternative. Also, limited contact helps. Depending on what you share. Nowadays, its not long before everyone knows your business. I am from the states. Honestly, I love my family-but I restrict my comments to them. Friends, are BETTER than family. I hope this helps. saheli replied. I think talking to ur husband won't help you least bit. They are somehow blind to their parents anomalies. So please have no hope on that. And when has talking to a husband in good mood helped anybody? Haven't had any luck on that one yet.
Don't mention his mother in anything. I can totally understand this thing about jaadu etc. I also feel that about my in-laws sometimes. But u know what u got to do what u got to do. Even if the results are negative, if u feel right just do it. You are an adult and should be responsible enough to accept the outcome of your action. I think you should try to look for happiness separate from your husband and try not to mention his mom for anything. You have to be diplomatic and never loose ur cool for anything. Be nice to ur mil too in front of ur husband. I think when she is around try to limit ur conversation with ur husband so that u guys don't fight. Coz I am sure ur husband will feel that you are very quarrelsome and his mom is very nice lady. I think just try to busy ur self in other things. The more you are away from him the more he will try to come to you.
Good Luck!! And I can tell this much once the in-laws get involved in a relationship, that relationship is destined to get worst. Its just 4 yrs for u and if she is around u will be graduating to a lot of new levels of maturity soon. I have expereinced that myself after being married for almost 9 yrs now. Better accept his mom in ur life coz she is not going anywhere. The sooner u accept it, better it is for u. xyz. replied. Well I have heard of jaadhu tona. One of my cousins had a similar problem and so her mather had consulted an holy man who conducted some rituals. One comman solution I have heard is to write your problems on a piece of paper and tie it with a piece of thread anywhere in your 'kul-devi's temple.This is supposed to help but don't take my word for this. Archie replied. Hi Nina,
It certainly is hard to belive in Tona Totka when you are well educated and circumstances make you rely on them.

The truth is your husband is grown man and should be in a position to judge what's good and bad for him. Unfortunately yours don't seem that type.

If she was strict with him in childhood that had to do with upbringing and inculcation of nice culture. But now he is grown man and he shall use his brains and not let mother/wife or anybody drive him.

When it's good mood talk to your husband that how you feel. Let me know that you have no hatred for MIL but circumstances sometime make you depressed. Ask him if you two can have privacy at least while in bedroom and no elders from family interfere there. One day you two will have to lead the path of life. One day you will have your own children and he should be in a position to be an independent parents, withoug using feed from friends or elder family members.

If he loves you and understand circumstances he will be of great help. May this will resolve issue for some extent.

Hoping good for you.
Archie